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hi i have recelty found out that by fiance of 3 years in now taking coke, he used to take it before we got to gether and the terms of our realationship was that we was to get off it, heres the story;;;

he did get off it and i thought that he would never do it again as i feel very strongly about drugs, but in the last couple of weeks he has been drinking in the week (a bottle of wine a night) and has been really bizy with work so i though nothing of this-

anyway one night he had his bottle of wine - and as any normal couple i wanted sex- he said he didnt fancey any but i persisted we then went to bed and he had a problem getting hard- we have never had this problem and i thought it was me?? i thought he didnt fancey me anymore- so- i told him to get out of the room, i followed him in the front room and all of a sudden he ran into the kitchen and threw somthing in the bin????? i was baffled?? i asked him what he had just out in the bin - we said nothing so i tried to look in the bin he was pushing me away- this point i was gettin g angry i asked him to move he did and there was a book with white powder on it- i asked him about the drugs he said yes he had been taking coke - i was gutted i broke down crying and asked him how long he had been on it- he said 4 months- this hurt so bad-

i asked him why and he could not tell me??? and didnt know why he was doing this- my head ws all over the place i though he was different and he is usually such a good guy but he is easily led and there is people about who will prey on this -

i left for the night and returned the next day - i probed him about all of this- he then revealed he had been taking it on and off for over 1 year but he said he is not addicted - he said he uses around £50 per week is this alot?? he seems truly gutted but i do not know wht to do i do love him but i dont know f things will ever be the same again? i now keep thinking all the good times we had - were they because he was high??

so i ask you this people;

1- how do i know he will not take this again?
2- how will i tell if he does?
3- how do i know if he is addicted?
4- how can i possibly trust him again?
5- shall i leave him???
6- is it normal for men to not get a hard on while on coke???

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Hey there.

I am a recovering drug addict and I know where you are coming from. Your fiance is addicted, he may not know it and it is natural for him to be in denial about it. He has an addiction, which means that any sort of drug, whether it be alcohol, cocaine, or pot, will lead him back to these low places you've seen him in. Once a cocaine addict begins drinking, they're eventually going to crave their drug of choice, and they are powerless once they are under the influence.

I suggest you attend a Narc Anon meeting, if you've heard of AA, a twelve step program from alcoholics, then you've probably heard of AlcAnon, for families and lovers of alcoholics, narc anon is to facilitate the twelve step program Narcotics Anonymous, NA, and you can find meeting schedules online. Offer to take him to an NA meeting, there he will find people like him who are willing to do anything to help as long as he is willing.

This is a very serious thing, and I wish you the best. I'll keep you both in my prayers.
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I think before you can judge anybody you need to try what they tried, then make your judgment some drugs like Marijuana make things some much Chill, but Coke is serious sh*t one line and your hooked. I do agree he needs help and new friends try having a baby or just doing physical activities . Just remember A tired Boyfriend is a nice Boyfriend
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Girl,

My boyfriend is the exact same way, but we've been at it for 8 years and counting and I still havent' left. I asked him numerous amounts of times to quit doing the coke or "sniffing", and he hasn't but I love him as well. I can say that he doesn't do it so much and minimized it to usually the weekends, but as long as I stay on his ass he don't do it. And that's what you need to do you love him and he knows it so just stay on his ass. As for 50 dollars a week that is not bad at all considering there are people that spend 100's to 1000's a week on it or even a day. If he is only doing 50 a week if that then don't pressure him, because it will make things worse for you, and you been with him for 3 years and he has been doing it and yes it hurts just now to find out, but trust him and be there for him. (Trust me I know I am going through it) When he does do it, try not to have sex with him that night, but if you really want to, do things that will really turn him on, dress in a sexy little costume, give him oral using ice cubes in your mouth. Purchase some pills that help a man get hard you can find them at sex novelity stores, or invest in some viagra. It will work. As for his habit just give him time and work with him, its not like he does it every day and spends 100's a day. If you love him, talk to him and make him understand exactly how you feel, but also get his point of view and see why he does and where he is coming from. I suggest that if he is doin it because he is tired and warn out and its speeding him up when he needs it get him some "adderall" it is a pill and a prescription that will give the same effect as coke, but not addicting and won't harm the bed side mannors!



marnie x wrote:

hi i have recelty found out that by fiance of 3 years in now taking coke, he used to take it before we got to gether and the terms of our realationship was that we was to get off it, heres the story;;;

he did get off it and i thought that he would never do it again as i feel very strongly about drugs, but in the last couple of weeks he has been drinking in the week (a bottle of wine a night) and has been really bizy with work so i though nothing of this-

anyway one night he had his bottle of wine - and as any normal couple i wanted sex- he said he didnt fancey any but i persisted we then went to bed and he had a problem getting hard- we have never had this problem and i thought it was me?? i thought he didnt fancey me anymore- so- i told him to get out of the room, i followed him in the front room and all of a sudden he ran into the kitchen and threw somthing in the bin????? i was baffled?? i asked him what he had just out in the bin - we said nothing so i tried to look in the bin he was pushing me away- this point i was gettin g angry i asked him to move he did and there was a book with white powder on it- i asked him about the drugs he said yes he had been taking coke - i was gutted i broke down crying and asked him how long he had been on it- he said 4 months- this hurt so bad-

i asked him why and he could not tell me??? and didnt know why he was doing this- my head ws all over the place i though he was different and he is usually such a good guy but he is easily led and there is people about who will prey on this -

i left for the night and returned the next day - i probed him about all of this- he then revealed he had been taking it on and off for over 1 year but he said he is not addicted - he said he uses around £50 per week is this alot?? he seems truly gutted but i do not know wht to do i do love him but i dont know f things will ever be the same again? i now keep thinking all the good times we had - were they because he was high??

so i ask you this people;

1- how do i know he will not take this again?
2- how will i tell if he does?
3- how do i know if he is addicted?
4- how can i possibly trust him again?
5- shall i leave him???
6- is it normal for men to not get a hard on while on coke???

Reply

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First of all I am 50 is about a gram and according to my husband is not at all a week depending of the quality. He said if it is high quality stuff then it could get him messed up and the drinking could have been his excuse for acting funny or him trying to balance things out to not make you suspicious, but chances are that wine would not do that.

1- how do i know he will not take this again?

You have no way of knowing if he will take this again. I am married to a man who used to be addicted to weed, X, and at one point coke. When we were dating i told him that i could not be with someone who did all these drugs. I did not do them and I do not condone them, but I was willing to let him change. He did not quit everything right away, but he was off X and coke. Weed was the one thing he felt he couldn't live with out. He eventually went to jail for it too. He said he was clean when he got out 30 days later and I trusted him because he had been trying. Then 2 months go by and I notice things are changing. He was constantly carrying around a bottle of visine and he would always go over to a friends house at least once a night to "just chill". I knew something was up , but I couldn't believe it. Until one day his friend slipped and I was laying on the couch almost asleep when i heard him ask him if they could go smoke now. My husband shushed the guy just in case, but I heard it all. I was mortified. i knew what he was doing and when i confronted him he lied to my face about it. One day i told him i wanted to try it and see what all the fuss was about. Little did i know he had some in the car. I smoked with him for about 3 months until I had to stop. My feelings for drugs never changed so I would not suggest you try things and see what it is like. I was so disgusted with myself. I even tried cocaine and i was not hooked on one line. It gave me a panic attack because of the feeling i had toward it. Well, he eventually ended up in prison for six months and I flat out asked him how long he had been smoking before I tried it and it had been for 3 months. i was so hurt and angry I threatened to call things off, but he pleaded for a second chance. I gave it to him and he got clean in prison and has been clean since. That was four years ago, but he still craves it. When ae in rough times he will tell on certain days how much he would give for a joint and I have to be there to help him through it. I am glad that he is open about it. He even tells me when people offer it to him at work and I was always get scared, but then he tells me he walks away. I believe him to. If he was smoking i know he would hide. So the fact he is open lets me know we are still in the clear.

2- how will i tell if he does?

There are usually signs you can look for. Unless he he does very little. If he has been doing it a year then he probably got good at hiding it. I think the drinking was your biggest red flag.

Common physical signs of cocaine addiction include but are not limited to:

Red, bloodshot eyes
Runny nose or frequent sniffing
Weight loss
Increased susceptibility to illness
Increased blood pressure
Constricted blood vessels
Dilated pupils
Increased heart rate
Increased temperature
Nosebleeds
Altered motor activities (tremors, hyperactivity)
Perspiration or chills
Nausea or vomiting

Common emotional signs of cocaine addiction include but are not limited to:

Change in eating or sleeping patterns
Change in groups of friends
Change in school grades or behavior
Withdrawn, depressed, tired, or careless about personal appearance
Loss of interest in school, family, or activities
Frequently in need of money
Unusual energy followed by excessive sleeping
Depression
Irritability
Erratic behavior
Isolation
Strained relationships
Missed work
Increased time away from family
Stealing/Lying/Financial problems
Thoughts of suicide
Paranoia
Auditory hallucinations
Talking rapidly

Common signs of cocaine addiction withdrawal include but are not limited to:

depressed mood
fatigue
generalized malaise
vivid and unpleasant dreams
agitation and restless behavior
slowing of activity
increased appetite
intense cravings for cocaine

3- how do i know if he is addicted?

Chances are if he was really bad into it as you say then yes he is addicted. Addictions never really go away. Their will always be a day or situation will make them crave their drug and that can be anything as small as a cigarette. I should know I love cigarettes, but I had to quit. There are not days that I do not crave them though. The hardest part is getting him to admit he has a problem and by telling you he only buys so much a week tells you that he thinks he doesn't have one, but who is to say was only getting that much. He was hiding the fact that he was doing coke in the first place so try to be reasonable. He could be telling the truth, but then who is to say he isn't?

4- how can i possibly trust him again?

One you will be able to if things work out. It is hard to gain the trust back i think it took me about a year and half before I stopped worrying what was going on. The things that helped the most if keeping away from people that do it. So many of his friends still do drugs , but doesn't really hang out with them anymore. He will talk on the phone or see them when I am around and that helps.

5- shall i leave him???

Leaving him is up to you, I can say that I think you will regret it if you do. You should at least try and work things out first. If they do not and he continues then you should do what you think is best. if you are hurt now while he is using then you will be hurt six months from now if he still is and you shouldn't put yourself through that. No one should. You want to be there for the ones you love, but you never expect them to hurt you and he has. Have faith that you can work things out. People do fall off the wagon and sometimes they do not know how to ask for help to get back on.

6- is it normal for men to not get a hard on while on coke???

Though some people consider cocaine an aphrodisiac, it actually has properties that dull our body's sensory mechanisms
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marnie x wrote:

hi i have recelty found out that by fiance of 3 years in now taking coke, he used to take it before we got to gether and the terms of our realationship was that we was to get off it, heres the story;;;

he did get off it and i thought that he would never do it again as i feel very strongly about drugs, but in the last couple of weeks he has been drinking in the week (a bottle of wine a night) and has been really bizy with work so i though nothing of this-

anyway one night he had his bottle of wine - and as any normal couple i wanted sex- he said he didnt fancey any but i persisted we then went to bed and he had a problem getting hard- we have never had this problem and i thought it was me?? i thought he didnt fancey me anymore- so- i told him to get out of the room, i followed him in the front room and all of a sudden he ran into the kitchen and threw somthing in the bin????? i was baffled?? i asked him what he had just out in the bin - we said nothing so i tried to look in the bin he was pushing me away- this point i was gettin g angry i asked him to move he did and there was a book with white powder on it- i asked him about the drugs he said yes he had been taking coke - i was gutted i broke down crying and asked him how long he had been on it- he said 4 months- this hurt so bad-

i asked him why and he could not tell me??? and didnt know why he was doing this- my head ws all over the place i though he was different and he is usually such a good guy but he is easily led and there is people about who will prey on this -

i left for the night and returned the next day - i probed him about all of this- he then revealed he had been taking it on and off for over 1 year but he said he is not addicted - he said he uses around £50 per week is this alot?? he seems truly gutted but i do not know wht to do i do love him but i dont know f things will ever be the same again? i now keep thinking all the good times we had - were they because he was high??

so i ask you this people;

1- how do i know he will not take this again?
2- how will i tell if he does?
3- how do i know if he is addicted?
4- how can i possibly trust him again?
5- shall i leave him???
6- is it normal for men to not get a hard on while on coke???

Reply

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Doing a little coke for enjoyment is not really an issue, is it? He isn't addicted, if he is doing it occasionally. He just enjoys it. Just make sure to watch and make sure he doesn't start taking it overboard. If so then put your foot down. But don't put your foot down for a recreational drug.

As for the weed: Weed doesn't hurt anyone. @ other girl: If your husband likes to smoke pot, let him. WTH is the problem with it? As long as he is responsible, weed is harmless. And as long as it does not put his job at risk. Him sneaking behind your back is probably because he argued with you about quitting weed, but you wouldn't listen to him and just said no. Let your man smoke some pot, what is the harm?


Anything in moderation is ok. As long as you control your substances, and don't let your substances control you.
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thhis has to be the WORST advice for her... try some? yea throw 2 people under the nus instead of 1. obvoulsy she would 50/50 hate it, or LOVE IT! and yes, your right, while the guy is still doing coke, HAVE A f*****g KID dont even think about him getting sober first, a baby will solve all the problems, so the next tim the baby crys and hes all screwed up because he never got real help, he will most likely panic from hearing it SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM maybe he'll do so much coke the baby will flyyyy out the window
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I am a newbie and was wondering how your fiance was since he admitted he relapsed? I am an addict and been in rehab and na meetings and I am with a guy that I truely love but I can not stop for him and was wondering how he was?
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You. Are. Ignorant. First, coke isn't serious sh*t. Second, one line and you are not hooked. You do not physically need cocaine. You crave the high. It isn't an addiction, it's a love for the taste. People need to become educated before they try to educate others.
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Old thread but for the record, op, its not you but the coke making it hard.. Orrr not... For your fiance. Also just want to say everyone's relationship to drugs is different. Some can't have a sip without a snort, smoke, or shot of something else; some go on to be full on alcoholics without ever going back. Point being, under circumstances like yours its best to reserve choosing your role in your fiances situation until you better understand his intentions, plans and behavior. Find out what triggers his cravings and transition into healthy alternatives.

I somewhat agree coke won't have you Addicted after one go, but for some people that's the danger. "I had a great weekend, stayed out all night dancing and I finally got her num! Cokes not as bad as they say,I'm not addicted lets do it again!" How many times have you heard "I'm just gonna try it once, that's it." That first line alone may not leve you addicted, but for some its all in from there. I know if I would have waken up the next day, body sick and craving more it would have scared me off haha..

Then again, a chunky line of some Peruvian flake and all bets are off! Lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ATTENTION TL:DR situation alert. Continue at your own peril ;)

I think "addiction" is more psychological than anything else, in my experience people simply like HOW it feels to be hi (I know I do).I think most of the so-called "addicted" people in my opinion are considered addicted simply because:

-some people like being hi and want to feel like that all the time (sometimes fully aware of the cost to their health);

-some people that just have very troubled lives and find it easier coping with life while under the influence of drugs/alcohol;

-young/inexperienced people that neglect or just don't know the consequences in the medium/long term).

 

The main reason for me doing cocaine (mind you that I only do it occasionally in social night club type of environments) is that I'm a really shy person and in my personal experience I like how cocaine makes me feel really really self-confident, otherwise I'd probably be an anti-social shut-in.

I also like the fact that it allows me to always be in control of my actions and my surroundings, this is one of the main reasons why

The reason why I prefer cocaine especially, instead of alcohol or Marijuana type substances is because (un)fortunately my body doesn't handle alcohol or Marijuana so well, it makes me feel like being really sea-sick.

(Curiously enough, I don't get sea-sick on boats, which I find funny :P)

 

Concerning erections I personally can't have any while I'm hi, God knows I've tried, I find it really difficult just to urinate let alone do anything more.

The problem in this particular case is that I'm Caucasian and when I'm hi my penis naturally retracts inside my body almost all the way, it looks like I have a baby's pines :(   ...DON'T LAUGH!!!!!!

(This usually can and most probably will be veeeery awkward and takes some careful explaining, especially with new partners :S)

Although I know some guys that can have erections. I guess it depends from person to person.

 

Usually I don't mind having to use other parts of my body on my partner (i.e. tongue, fingers, etc.) anything that she needs to get off... I personally don't mind not having an orgasm, I'm happy to just make her happy in bed ;).

Everyone is different though.

I had times when women just found the situation insulting and didn't understand that it honestly wasn't her fault.

During those failed "sexy times" situations can get awkward for both people and no one can really do anything to make the other person feel less bad about temporary impotency... it happens unfortunately, nothings perfect.

SPECIAL ATTENTION: I just want to make it VERY clear that I HAVE NO MEDICAL TRAINING WHATSOEVER.

I'm just trying to share my experience with anyone who is interested.

Personally I don't think the substance itself is the problem, whatever your "poison" of choice may be.After all there are people out there who are "addicted" to gambling, working out, danger, adrenaline rushes, etc... these types of people don't need illegal substances do get hi on their own.

Also, I think the withdrawal process is mainly a SUBCONSCIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL ADDICTION to the psychical sensations of being hi, this psychological addition then manifests it-self in a physically way. (I may be wrong though. I'm no doctor)

In my experience the only really unpleasant part is at the end of the night when I start coming down, but that's mostly the only problem and it's manageable (just take a xanax if you have some available), also I'm convinced that just about every substance has a "coming down" part, so that "feeling like c**p" bit is quite unavoidable I find.

Anyways I'm tired of writing so I'm just gonna rap it up here. Thank you for reading the whole thing... I hope :)

Have a good day and always remember that IF YOU MUST USE "substances", ALWAYS DO SO MODERATELY AND IN SAFE ENVIRONMENTS.

I hope I helped someone by writing this thing.

 

PS: It took me something like 2 hours (at least!) to write this whole thing and then revising it (several times! :(  ) until I was happy with it. I think it's the very first time I really invested my self like this in any kind of post.

I hope you find this text helpful and/or enlightening (even if it was only in a very small way).

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Try having a baby?! Are you serious? Bringing a child into a situation like that is not the answer.
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Coke is awesome. Quit being a goody two shoes and do it with him. He'll love you for accepting him for who he is.
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Your a shitty gf!
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