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Okay, first off, alot of people would treat this as BS, which it isn't... None of you know me in the 'real world'... But whatever. It might make more sense if you knew me...

I think i have very bad mood swings... Usually i'm more of a calm, placid person. People say im funny and blah blah. At school most people are afraid of me (they keep their distance, which is better for me) But if i ever get angry, i'm really angry... Then i usually get depressed. and i dont like to 'hurt' other people, or have them feel sorry for me

I like/love this girl at school. The feelings mutual, ofcourse, but im dating this other girl. I didnt really want to be in a relationship at all, i kinda got dragged into it. My girlfriend has done so much for me anyway... One day i was out by myself and my gf (didnt even know her at the time) got hit by her ex, or her current bf, or whatever... I lost it... Got very angry =( i kind of pushed him over this rail and jumped over and repeatedly kicked him... I do alot of boxing for sport too.

But also. My bestie (the other girl at school) has too. Maybe more... >_>

She insisted i met her parents as they were terribly worried about her and the other guy. They love me more than my own parents do (for sure) and have taken better care of me than anyone ever has... I dont have the heart to break up with her... we've been goign out for a couple of months (2 months) and havent had sex. i know she has, and i have. But i get this feeling that im not getting anything out of the relationship... I try so hard to convince myself im just being a selfish, greedy bastard. That leeds to depression... At school i punched in a mirror and was seriously considering to swallow the glass shards

This has dragged on way too long and now most people wont read it, or treat it as BS, which i truly dont think i can feel like dealing with...

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Also i think i lack self esteem (?)

I mean: im worried about having sex =| How stupid...

I know for that part that im just worried i'll f**k up and be embarrassed or everyone will find out, or whatever... Not knowing what people know about me is worse than them knowing (for me anyhow)

Yeah 0_o
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