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He smokes pot every morning starting at 5:00 AM, then again at night, (for at least the past 10 years...), works full time, yet verbally abuses me because I'm not working. Does the smoking have much to do with the mood swings? He is always angry and blames me for everything. I suffer from severe depression and have zero self esteem, as nothing I do pleases him. I would leave, but have no job or money. I have no job because he has emotionally beaten me down for so long and I have panic attacks when I leave the apartment. (Because I can't do anything right at home, I feel that I'll really screw up out in the world). I don't know what to do, he controls everything in my life, and I've lost all ambition and hope. I hate myself for letting him treat me this way. If I am upset at him for the way he treats me and try to stand up for myself, the abuse gets worse. If he were to stop smoking marijuana, would the moods be more even and he would stop being so cruel?

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Well I'm surprised you have had no answers until now. I'm so sorry. I think after 10 years of drug abuse that he is completely conditioned. Plus the worse you feel about yourself, the worse he thinks he can treat you. It's a dangerous vicious cycle. You have to get out. Speak to the authorities for some advice, Im sure there must be a way out for you.
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Hi. I just saw your post Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 8months and he sounds exactly like your boyfriend. I dont know what to do either
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When you realize you're worth more you'll expect more! Verbal abuse, and most other types of abuse are usually caused by an underlying disorder. Most often, the disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar or some other mental disorder which in most cases can be managed if the person seeks professional help. Many people don't realize that they have a mental disorder so they self medicate with pot or other drugs. Or it could be the drug it's self affecting the persons behavior. And in some cases if they come from an abusive home it could be a learned behavior. You can't help him, he needs to help himself and you need to leave and help yourself. Living the life you are living is not living at all but until you are truly fed up and realize you deserve better no matter if you have a place to stay or not you will continue on as you are and become worse. You may think that enduring this relationship is helping him and fuels your need to have a false sense of security but it's not, it's making him worse and he can put you out at any time if he wants, walk away it may not be easy but in the long run you will be a much happier person for making the choice to leave.
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I can completely relate, although I dated my boyfriend for 3 years. When we first dated, it was very nice, but often, he wasn't "there" and it was tough to have a conversation with him, or he wouldn't be willing to have a conversation until after he smoked, and then it was like talking to a brick wall.

My boyfriend also became verbally abusive. I am a performing artist and he would always say things like "how did you ever think you could make money off of this?" "Were you parents so dumb that they didn't tell you to get a real degree in college?" I got so used to this, and other things, that I didn't realize it was wrong until I started to talk to a close friend about it who was schocked. Everything always can look good on the outside, but behind closed doors, he was really a different person.

Please know that you are worth so much more than you probably feel like, I hope that your situation has changed since you posted this... let us know.
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A few "red flags" went up when I read this.

1. you dont work and have no money.

2. You admit have no self esteem.

3. Your boyfriend smokes weed at 5am.

HELLO, these are MAJOR issues.

First the boyfriend: If you have a boyfriend that smokes weed at 5am everyday that means weed is REALLY REALLY REALLY X10 important to him. Your probably never going to break that cycle. Also his weed smoking is so severe that he will probably get him(and maybe you) in trouble with the law.

Second if you don't work, have no money and don't contribute, I don't know how many live in boyfriends would be happy with that!

Third if you have serious self esteem issues, panic attacks and don't work you're probably a huge nag. You probably always say stuff like "im fat". When he says your pretty your bounce back with "no I'm not". If he no longer says your pretty It's likley your fault for always rejecting the compliment.

He can't fix your issues only you can! Your esteem issues and panic attacks are most likley magnified by the fact that you don't work (trust me I've been there). Make to do lists and get them done (include job searches in your to do list). Also get involved in some kind of hobby/work out routine or meditation. TRUST ME!
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keving333; Putting down someone who already feels like sh*t is always nice! You're probably her boyfriend or someone like him. She didn't ask for your attitude, she asked for advice and its quite obvious you have no good advice to give. I can see that you have issues with women, maybe getting help yourself would be a good idea.

KitKat2008; Being alone is scary, but you have to find the strength to leave your boyfriend. If you don't have any friends or family to help you, find a clinic and get some therapy...sometimes if you get another person without bias you will get a better perspective on your situation and your choices, we all have the power of choice and I suggest you use that power.
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i just read your comment and thank god im not the only person who is dealing with a selfish prick on weed..... i think you should move in with a friend or move home i know its hard to leave the person you love but he sounds like my ex who is also a complete penis, who will never consider giving up weed... They are without the lowest of the low ..do yourself a favor and get out there and start living..
all the best :-)
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You should just dump the losers, but if you have to come on here and ask opinions your not going to do that.
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I dated someone for half a year who also was very addicted to weed. He would smoke a few bowls before going to work in the morning, a few bowls before dinner and a few after and before going to bed. He would smoke in the car while driving and that would bring down his awareness. Sometimes, I had to remind him where to turn. He was also a very selfish prick and would throw a fit if he ever had to do anything with me and my friends, which wasn't often because I was busy with other things in my life. He would also verbally abuse me by putting me down and sometimes making me feel stupid. He even thought he was better and smarter than my friends in family. BUT...he's not going anywhere in life and works a deadbeat job and doesn't enough money to pay his own bills and still lives off his Mom so while I dated him, I could never take him seriously especially when he used to try to tell me what to do because he was high all of the time. I can understand getting high like every once in awhile, but he needed it to function in life and because of that, I never listened to anything he had to say because he was always high. You can never take an addict seriously because they're too immature and irresponsible to admit that they have a problem. There are a ton of other things I could say about him but I will say this. Your bf (ex now maybe?) was addicted to pot and as some users said, you can't break that cycle. The guy I dated left me for another woman...but he did me a favor and I was over him in less than 2 months because I realized all of the problems that he had. You would be better off without him. Go find someone who is happy with themselves sober and is only high on one thing: life.
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Omg...weed is not the reason for how he is. Maybe if he smokes too much, he will be broke all the time, yes, but a lot of ppl smoke and don't act like an abusive psycho. These are issues he has on his own. They will only get worse if he stops smoking, bc he will be more stressed out.
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Again blaming 'cannabis' for someone being an a-hole.
Maybe he is just a selfish penis? Not everyone who drinks minimally has a problem or is violent.
Yet studies show people who tend to partake in Alcohol have an increase motivation for violence.
Nothing is simple in life, it is very complex our chemical makeup.
We always partake in chemicals that originate from foods and naturally.
The problem with this is, you believe you can fix him if he quits Cannabis.
However, he chooses to partake for various reasons.
Pain relief (chronic pain), euphoria (depression)...
If he visits a doctor and tells him he needs medicines for chronic pain and depression.
Most likely they will give him a script for some vicodin and an anti depressant.
He will most likely be emotionally changed with mood swings and very doped up.
Worser than Cannabis. Prescription drug abuse is most serious.
Also many actors, musicians die from prescription drugs ( mixtures given by doctors )
Yet a person smoking or vaporizing Cannabis, tend to be "peaceful" while high.
Little chance of death, only thing can happen if one is outside of his own environment (home).
That person can be at risk, similiar to someone being intoxicated on alcohol in public.
Cannabis has it's ugly face in the public eye due to propaganda.
However the true problem is the fact he has some issues he needs to deal with.
And resolve, if he can take the steps to-do so, he may have a differnt persona.
Regardless of his Cannabis intake.
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I doubt the marijuana is causing your relationship problems. It seems more likely that your boyfriend has a separate issue. He may be a sociopath. Visit this site and think about it. http://www.lovefraud.com/ From what I've seen and read, sociopaths often do a lot of illicit drugs.

In any case, it sounds like you shouldn't be in this relationship!
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I thought everything Keving333 said was valid. She can't make excuses as to why she doesn't work, she should get off her ass and work, people work, they work to live. You can't be an adult and not work, ESPECIALLY when you're in a relationship, you have to contribute. He probably smokes so much weed because he has to work 40 hours a week while he pays rent, bills and food for some lazy girlfriend who sits at home complaining about his weed addiction. DUMP HIM AND GET YOUR LIFE ON TRACK, GET A JOB, BE A PERSON, FIND SOMEONE RIGHT FOR YOU.
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I myself am one those loser abusive weed smoking boyfriends and let me tell you right now! Leave him. It's the best for him and the best for you. Work on your own issues at your own pace and let him work on his own issues at his own pace.

None of you can learn personal growth when you accept eachothers treatment of eachother.

I'm saying this because my girlfriend through  5 years finally was strong enough to leave my messed up ass alone 1 month ago, and ignore my childish beggin for her to come back. Thank god she is stronger than me. I am now forced to actually work on my issues and look my demons in the eye. As much as i just want her to come back and "accept me for who i am" in my weaker moments, then deep down i know that this is what is best for the both of us and without a whole lot of work on ourselves we would quickly fall into the same pattern of abusing eachother.

How can i love her, when i cannot love myself ? How can she love me when she cannot love herself?

You both should learn to love yourselves and then perhaps give it another try if you feel up for it at that moment in life. I know it's hard and scary to be alone, but you'll get be alright. Trust me.

Good luck and remember that which does not kill you will only make you stronger.
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