I met my boyfriend 2 1/2 years ago, we are best friends but only been together for a little under 2 years... We went from having nightly sex too NOTHING, I've had 2 miscarriages, recently we argued over this issue. I want him sexually, but he said "he's not ready for kids" & I don't believe in birth control. We were suppose to get married in Aug 2012 but it just seems as everything is falling apart. He knows I want to be married & have a family together. He has 1 son & I have 1 daughter (neice) but I've raised her since birth. For the last two years we have raised our children together & live together, our finaces are in both of our names. Our home we bought. EVERYTHING... I am in-love with him but there are sooo many things that are wrong in our relationship... For instance, he stopped going places because he don't care too run into people, but when we fight he says he stopped going places because it's safer for us as a relationship. His mom 1 night when we 1st got together totally lost it on me, but I still kept my composure & didn't say a word but yet I'm suppose too just forget about it... I could go on & on... I'm just sooo fusterated... Lastnight I cried & cried & he was just soooo uncaring... Alot of this stuff I can answer too because he makes it soo horrible...
I took in everything that you said today and I have thought about how things are and honestly, I do love you, but this isn’t an easy thing. I am starting to not feel like me. I am not allowed out without a phone attached, I can’t make eye contact with anyone without something coming back out of it, I don’t have friends because you judge them or if I say something wrong or they did something wrong you judge cause you were raised different. We are complete opposites. I can’t talk to my mom cause of what happened, I can’t take Dusty somewhere cause then I am not treating the kids equal, there is no time. I am at work you get hell bent about me being here, the people who work here and I have to answer and call at the correct times or you call thinking I am up to no good. Hell I don’t even know why you want to be with me cause I am nothing like you and have such a horrible past that you cannot seem to get over.
My response: He's starting to feel like not him happens everytime sh*t hits the fan, There are times that I have been on the phone with him & wanted too get off but he would say no, just talk too me. So this goes both ways. Why the f would you want to make eye contact with another woman? I don't judge his friends, I just choose not to have certain people around me or my children. Mind you, his son's biological son mom. All hell would break loose if she took him around the same type of friends & family that he wants to be around in his moments of being pissed off. I've told him we were complete opposites from the begining, he would say "We are sooo much different but so much alike" His mother called 1 even after not hearing from her son for 24 hours, (they work in the same building) Said if she didn't hear from him, she was going to call the cops, so I called her & he got up out of bed and drove to her house. Her words were hateful & curel but I didn't say anything, that was a year & half ago & we haven't spoke since, but he sees her everyday at work. As far as treating our kids fair, his son is autistic & it's a very mild case but I don't treat our children different. He intends to baby his son. Our children are both 7 & just 8 days apart. My daughter can shower her own, get dressed, do homework, cleanup etc, his son needs help with everything, sometimes it's to a point where we get the kids at school, he would even bring his school stuff in, he will throw a fit if dad don't do it. He will as for a juice when he's standing right in front of the fridge, but again expects his dad to get it. He says he never will treat them unfair but when everything comes down too it, he just wants to do things with his son, as he mentioned in his little email. When I take our children I take them both not because I feel I have too but because I want too. His job, he has dated & slept with 3 of the employees there, not to mentioin his son's mother & his own mother work there. Him calling & emailing is something that he started, why get me use to something & just take it away. He will email & call all day on the sametimes without even saying anything, sometimes to say "I love you" & "bye" then hang up... But when were fighting he uses that against me. Like I am making him do it. His past, I am sure I would be over it but we keep running into it. Dealing with drama of the ex's at 32 is not what I planned at this age. They just keep popping up, so much that I cried & cried yesterday. Were going through a huge custody case with his son, I've been working my ass off for the lawyer, just as he has but he's only bring into 1000.oo-1100.oo a month & after collecting receipts this morning I counted 8100.oo towards our laywer, that is insane. In the begining his son's mother tried everything to break us up, now his ex's. 1 of them filed a restraining order on me yesterday, he reasons are valid to a point but again they are not. We went too do some business & found out she worked there, then the next day all of our registared files disappeared, we had to pay fees, thus paying these fees put us in a bind so I went back into her work & said your going to f with my family, I will f with your job. then a week later I was standing in the asile & boom there she is. I was like wow, really, we both had our kids with us so nothing was said. Her & her friend walked down the isle snickering & starring. I look for what I had to & left, as I was turning down the next isle I hit her cart, he friend looks right at me & says "just wait till there relationship falls apart" Seriously I pushed my cart in hers & smiled. After 2 years, then all of a sudden I'm running into her. I just don't know why my relationship is the way it is, & I just wanted too vent because I'm sooo emotinal this morning...
With all your problems and differing opinions my MAIN QUESTION FOR YOU is WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM. He does not want the same things that you do. The jealousy is NOT CUTE....... IT'S INSANE. Do you really want to be married to a lunatic who imagines you having sex with everyone who looks at you in public? It's no wonder he's got such a bad track record with women.
If you marry him in August...... with no sex....... or even with some sex on his terms....... I CAN SEE YOU IN A BATTERED WOMEN'S SHELTER IN OCTOBER. Oh it may not be physical abuse (be honest, has he ever "accidentally" lost his temper and slapped you)..... EMOTIONAL ABUSE can often be WORSE. I KNOW he's already doing that. He likes to blame you for all HIS PROBLEMS and all your problems as a couple. He enjoys tearing you down and making you feel like c**p.
IT IS NOT NORMAL FOR A BRIDE-TO-BE to spend her free time CRYING....... AND WORRYING....... AND WONDERING WHY HE'S BEING SO MEAN AND UNREASONABLE. PLUS IF YOU THINK HE'S JEALOUS NOW, WAIT TILL YOU'RE MARRIED AND HE STARTS ACTING LIKE HE OWNS YOU. (THAT'S NEXT IF IT HASN'T ALREADY BEGUN.)
ONCE AGAIN I ASK...... WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS LOSER?
Love should make you feel like the luckiest woman on earth........ it should make your heart sing...... make you feel like dancing down the street...... make you anxious to see him whenever you've been parted for the day...... IT SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL WONDERFULLY LUCKY TO HAVE THIS AMAZING MAN.
DO YOU FEEL LUCKY TO HAVE THIS MAN?
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MARRIED TO HIM IN LESS THAN SIX MONTHS?
SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR NIECE...... DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT THIS ISN'T HAVING A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON HER, AND A GOOD MOTHER WOULD PUT HER CHILD'S WELL-BEING FIRST. DO YOU THINK IT'S GOOD FOR HER TO HEAR YOU BEING CALLED VILE NAMES AND ACCUSED OF SLEEPING WITH EVERYONE FROM THE BAG BOY AT THE SUPERMARKET TO THE MAILMAN?
I'D BET THE FARM THAT HIS SON AND YOUR DAUGHTER ARE SIMILAR TO HIM AND YOU...... YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ARE INDEPENDENT AND SELF RELIANT, WHILE HE AND HIS SON BOTH NEED HELP FINDING THEIR SHOES OR MAKING A SANDWICH OR TAKING A BATH.