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I met my boyfriend a week or so before he and his x live-in broke up and she moved away. We ended up getting together a month or so later. We were together everyday for several months but he constantly talked about her I figured it was that we dated too soon and that eventually he'd stop bringing her up. But instead he ended up breaking up with me for several months to deal with all these feelings that were never dealt with. We decided to get back together several months later but I stated that I needed his past relationship to remain in the past that I was not interested in hearing anymore about it, and he agreed. I knew they were remaining friends and that they talked by phone sometimes and email and I was ok with that as I have never been the jealous type and it did not interfere with our time together.

This summer his x decided to move back to the area. He didn't tell me, a mutual friend did. He allowed his x to get her mail at his place. (As if post office boxes are not readily available) Knowing I wouldn't like that, he avoided discussing it with me at all until after the mail started. Obviously my opinion wasn't wanted so I said nothing and waited for something to happen to get pissed off about, as I was sure I eventually would. And then she started to call him constantly. He said she was depressed and bla bla bla. Things calmed down but eventually she had the nerve to bring beer and Chinese over to his place one night while picking up her mail! They spent several hours in the home they once shared together alone eating diner drinking beer and talking. As a result he was not packed for our trip and I ended up waiting in the car for over an hour the next day.

A few weeks later we were all at a party and I ignored her the whole evening. She must have said something to him because he had the nerve to ask me to be nicer to her!!! I explained that I wasn't going to be nice to her. That I didn't appreciate her hanging out at his place alone eating and drinking beer, that I did not want her getting her mail there anymore since she has no respect for my feelings or our relationship. And I was done with all the weekend phone calls. I had had it. You spend your weekends with me so why does she call? There is no reason I should have to deal with any of this anymore and he agreed and promised to take care of it. Finally I felt better, I felt heard and respected and important to him.

So this weekend we were at a party where we all said hello and i turned to a friend to chat and he was talking to her then he banged into me at least three times just to take her picture as if I was not there at all and instead of pushing them both off the porch landing…embarrassed with my friend watching I decided to walk away. He found me shortly later and when i told him why I was upset he said it wasn't his fault he didn't know it was me, but he wasn't sorry, he was angry and annoyed with ME!

In the morning when we awoke I overheard his sister asking if I had a good time too and he said that I had issues with his x and needed to get over it. I was outraged and I immediately got dressed. He walked in and I tried to put my shoes on but he wouldn’t let me. He said he was sorry and asked me to forgive him that he didn’t want me to go, that he was with me not her. But that was never my issue really. It’s that he doesn’t respect how I feel at all. I don't think he is cheating, but I don't feel like either of them respects my feelings or boundaries at all. And I do love him but I am not sure I can be with someone who would choose to ignore my feelings time and time again, it’s hurtful. Is it that he doesn't want to upset the x or make him self uncomfortable? He is not good with confrontation and she will be moving away in Sept, I think he thinks he can just wait it out but I am done.

Any suggestions on how to handle this, or how get through to him would be greatly appreciated because other than this issue I am really happy with my guy.


How old are you?

That being said, let it go.

You say you are not jealous, but you are. You seem to have a problem with him remaining friends with the ex. You say he ignores your feelings, what about his towards his ex. That seems to be a problem for you to deal with. Why won't you be nice to her? What did she ever do to you, except for to be his ex?

You say you're happy with "my guy." He's not "your" guy. He can make up his own mind and choose his own friends, in effect he is his "own guy." He has (or had) you as a girlfriend and his ex, as a friend.

In short, grow up. If you want someone to pay attention just to you, he's not for you. It seems that he can put aside whatever it was that caused their relationship to end and keep it positive. I also do think that he cares for you and sees how this bothers you but doesn't want to end his friendship. Yes he cares for her and yes he doesn't want to upset you.

Accept her or let it go. Once the ex finds her own boyfriend this whole relationship will change and so will theirs.


This is bad advice.

Break up with his loser ass, he is either cheating our one step away. He still has feelings for her, and his frustration with you masks his own confused feelings. Move on. He has no respect for your relationship or feelings. In reading the OP I think she had already figured out our and just needs to know her thinking is correct. I have exes who are friends and my wife knows them. However, we are all adults, including my exes, and have well established and respectful boundaries for each other's relationships. I love my wife and would never disrespect or relationship by spending personal time with an ex, drinking beer and having dinner. Sounds to me like he was rebounding and not in the right relationship.