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I am in a marriage of 8 years with the woman that I love with all my heart.  Just a year ago she was diagnosed with bipolar and depression.  We have had a great relationship.  Of course there has been up and downs just like any relationship really.  Well just this past weekend on Christmas Eve I get a text from her while she is at work that said she really needs to talk to me.  I knew that couldnt mean good news, so I figured why wait just tell me now.  Well she told me that she was leaving me but it wasn't because anything I did.  Told me that I have been a great husband to her.  Done everything to make her and there was not really anything else I could do. Said that I already did everything I could do to help her.  She then told me when hang out, go to dinner or just sit around the house together, it just feels like she is hanging out with her best friend.  When we hug or kiss she says there are no feelings there that use to be there.  She tells me that she cares a lot about me and loves me but she is not in love with me anymore and not sure why she is having these feelings. Says the love that she use to feel for me is not there anymore. 

So after talking a little more, she told me that she is not happy with herself right now and there is no way she could be happy with anyone else.  So she moves out and has been gone for about a week now and it is really killing my heart slowly.  She use to text me every day and now I am lucky if I get one text from her in a day.  Doesnt really like to talk to me that much either and sometimes it feels like she cant stand to be around me.  We also have a little girl together who is 8 years old.  She has been on meds for her bipolar and has had to have them adjusted before because they were not strong enough.

So I guess what I am asking or seeking advice about, is when she goes back to the doctors next week and tells them about everything that is going on and these weird feelings she is having.  Will adjusting the meds again, like Im pretty sure they are gonna do, help her snap out of this and realize she really does still have love there for me.  I know she still has love there for me but she is so down right now she tries to push me away.  Tells me to go out and find someone better because I deserve to have someone better.  Tell her every day that I dont want anyone else, that she is the one I love with all my heart and forever will. Oh yeah and this was an all of sudden, out of the blue thing too. One minute we are really happy and getting along and the next day she tells me all of this.

Any advice from anyone would be great.

 

Thanks and sorry this is so long.

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let me start by saying that i to have bipolar, and i know from experience what your wife is feeling. I have gone through two marriages because i have done the same things. The one thing i have found is that going through Mental Health with my counciling and my meds all my records are in one spot, they are not at my pcp and a phsychiatric dr, they are all in one area. It sounds to me personnally that she needs to get blood work done, this will inform the dr on wheather or not her meds are working for her or not.

I went to  ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** web addresses not allowed*** and found a lot of information in these many sites that have informatin about it. there is a section in there about bipolar and relationships... for someone who is bipolar having and keeping a relationship can be more work to us than it is to anyone without the mental disorder. Depression is part of bipolar, i am manic, meaning i have more highs and higher then i hit rock bottom without any notice, meaning i will be overly happy, cant sleep excited bout everything and then without a notice im depressed i want to die, i want to go somewhere else, my husband deserves a better wife, a better life...ect... sound familiar? going from talking and texting everyday to nothing at all, bipasses your calls, to busy to pick up.. ect... another sign of bipolar is a  high need for sexual arrousal... like no matter how many times we orgasm it is never enough and we want more.. with the proper medication dosage this can be fixed as well...  It took MHMR here in Texas to get me back to where i could function  like i use to 2 years prior to my diagnosis.... going to her drs appointments with her shows her you care beyond yourself, she is apart of you  i  understand this, but when depression and a bipolar episodes kick in ( what my kids call them) sometimes we have no control on stopping them and when we try it gets worse and worse...

i have found that talking to others with the same mental illness as i have helps as well, it shows that i am not alone and it shows that together as friends who understands eachother together we can get better... kinda like a drug sponser, i have a bipolar sponser when i think im about to lose it i call her and we talk about it all and when she understands her symptoms and what causes them to react with her bipolar it will make it easier to get the correct meds....

i hope this helps, read up on as much as you can, you can also go to your local mental health office and asked for imformation about bipolar as well... talking to some one who is familiar with it helps out i believe because you may never understand what she is going through like i do, but you would understand enough to let your know you are still there for her....

 

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My boyfriend freaked out on me last week with a bipolar episode. for the last 8 month he quits me every week but wants to continue being friends. So I can relate to your post. He sa[id he is taking meds but I'm not sure; especially after his episode. He associated his mood swings and distance and coldness to the lack of sleep from sleep apena so I adjusted and worked with him. Never once during our breakups has he ever apologized or took personal responsibility for his behaviors. Each time it was always my fault and I would have to apologize as if it was my behaviors that caused the problems. Last weekend he flirted with one of my friends and we talked about it calmly and he acknowledge my request but that morning he came out dressed inappropriately for that environment and then justified his reasoning when asked about it. This is the first time I have ever seen these behaviors displayed and suddenly, in an outrage he began screaming and cursing at me. At this point I was so concerned because I had never seen the abusive side of him. He got in the back seat and refused to get up front. We drove 7 hours and he was hostal towards me. He blamed me and said I embarrassed him--told me this time he never wanted to be in a relationship with me ever again but he still wanted to be friends.

I told him I could not separate my love for him and I was no longer willing to play the back n forth game anymore; therefore, I was not willing to be his friend. He got verbally abusive in a way I have never experienced before and said some harsh things to me. I remember he briefly mentioned bipolar medicine after one of our many break ups so I begin reading up on it, he got angry at me for discussing bipolar with him and accused me of trying to fix and control him. At this point he has cut me completely off refusing my communication. After reading so many stories I decided I am willing to work with him because I love him. I did ask myself was I sticking around because my dad left my mother when she was diagnosed with some type of mental illiness. No, I want to work it out because I really do love him.

From the information posted on the net, he has to be willing to do something different. I know I can't change nor fix him but I can stick by him, no matter what! We need prayers!!!!!!! People are telling me to walk away but I know together we can work through this; after all, I have survived 8 months of episodes not knowing what was really going on, everyone says education and communication is the key.

Redd-leopard
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i also have bi-polar, in a manic state too, i have a boyfriend of almost a year and a half, but you can't make anyone love you, drugging them or not. I'm on lithium, the strongest drug for bi-polar disorder and this still doesn't make me happy all the time, if someones done with love, their done. no changing that, sorry
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I was married to a person who was bi-polar. It can be stressful. She would take her meds till she felt better and could hold a job and then decide she was well and quit taking her meds and everything would fall apart. Our sex life was great until she would get onto a low and she would be almost numb and tell me she has absolutely no feelings for me anymore. Which I knew was not true because she also, like your wife, would tell me to find some else that woudl make me happy and was better than her. Well, I knew that she loved me or she wouldn't have said that and just simply picked up and left. Make sure she has good medical help and IS taking her meds. Then work on the emotional issues. Such as does she really wish to leave? Do you both know that it is not her condition talking? It is hard to know one way or the other and from a certain point of view, they can't be separated. She went so far once as to find someone else who wanted to have sex with me because she said she was emotionally numb and didn't want to hurt me. This is a contradiction she didn't see. If she was numb, she wouldnt' care. In the end it will be up to her after you have accepted that you've done all that you can do. Be there when she needs you. Love her like you do. She needs to realize that feelings change over the years in a relationship. You are not kids that feel like killing each other with sex like you used to and she may be looking for the passion and exitement that she feels like she used to have and doesn't anymore. She may be worried that this is hurting you and you won't admit it. Just be there for her. She'll eventually have to make a decision.
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I spend 8 years, if they won't get help it won't work I said the same thing got suicidal he brought me down so bad. the cursing is so harsh never heard someone speak do back and repeat it, they are evil sick people, they love when you cry and beg for there love only after they attack take a break to do what ever they do behind your back cause yes they have a dark side that they hide, they not just depress they hurt intentionally at a point, help yourself let go of the rope and let him hold the rope himself stop playing tug of war sing another song stay on top, maybe than he will know he has to change with out medical help it is not working mine still wont get help afraid to admit he has a problem and people think he is coo coo but yes with out medicine they are coo coo
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