Horribly Depressed With Dangerous Impulses

I am sure you have trusted and loyal friends who understand you. Confide in them, talk to them about your fears. Sometimes talking things over helps. Self harming is escaping sweetie, you need to have some hobbies or activity that gives you satisfaction and then will power to achieve. If you like pets, go ahead and have one. Slowly and steadily you will be self supporting one day.

I too have been abused in the past and as much as i trued to not let it affect me, it always somehow makes its way into my everyday life and i will cry for no reason, i will lose the motivation to do anything, i will stop caring, i get angry, and sometimes my first thought is "why does it even matter anymore? Why not pick up the bleach again?" Even though i know it isnt the answer, it will be the first thing to pop into my head and the only way i have started to get better is by venting to real trusted friends and anonymously people that are like pen pals to me. Of course i still have my days but at least by opening up without fear of being judged has helped a lot. If you ever need to talk to an anonymous person to vent you can message me and we can talk more :) by the way i am also a teenage girl so we might be able to relate. I would love to try to help you :)