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I am writing this because I really need to get this off my chest and move on. I have great parents who have always been very supportive of me. My life is very blessed there, but I have been cursed with a poor excuse for a brother. For the sake of the family I have tried to be a kind sister to him, but I am to the point I cannot be treated like a plague bearer anymore.

I am so tired of trying to be kind. I have watched his dog at my home for free numerous times. I never get a thank you. He has never watched my animals.... says they are too much trouble ( my dogs have AKC obedience titles on them.... go figure). Never offered to buy my dinner, send me a thank you card.... nothing. When times got hard, a key employee at my Father's firm left the company. At the time I was running my own business but my services took a hit from the troubled times. My brother worked at the firm with my father. My father was kind enough to hire me to fill the spot ( I had experience in the field). My brother threatened to quit if I came back. I am angry about it because I have done nothing but wish the best for him. I never said anything and let it slide under the rug.

But now.....He has crossed the line with me. He just had his second child with his wife. He has been saying over and over again that he wants me to be the Godmother to his child. I was really excited because I figured this was a sign he and I would have some sort of relationship. I have watched my nephew a few times ( for free and without thanks), and my nephew is quite fond of me. My nephew's Godparents are my sister-in-laws oldest brother & wife. But now I have been informed that her middle brother and his wife will be the second child's Godparents along with me. Though I guess it would be lucky for any child to have 3 godparents, I feel extremely insulted. Their reasoning was.... we don't want to hurt our the Brother's wife and make her feel left out. Well no one was too concern about my feelings when my nephew was born. I wished they wouldn't even have asked.

I don't understand their attitude to me. I threw my sister-in-law the baby shower ( mostly my expense) and I feel like they get great joy out of hurting my feelings. My parents are upset with my brother too, but they have to keep to the peace to see the grandkids. I understand that, but I am done being involved in a toxic relationship ( one sided too). Anyhow, this may seem very trivial to most, but it was always my wish to be surrounded by a loving family. I already have my parents blessing to break ties with my brother and his wife, but since I work with my brother can someone give me some advice on how to break the ties? I just very tired of getting my feelings walked on.

And just to put a few things in perspective, this is not the first time my brother has been vicious. He has left me at a nightclub with no ride ( and he didn't tell me). He damaged my car and kept it a secret ( he stole it at night when I was asleep). I am not saying I was a saint, but I never did anything malacious to him directly as he has me. Not only has he hurt me, but he forgets about my parents during Father's day, Mother's day... and Birthdays. Yet he can buy his friends very expensive gifts for their birthdays.

Okay, glad to get that off my chest, I feel much better ! Any advice about how to keep my emotions in check and coolly deal with him at work without getting to be a bitchy emotional mess would be good !

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Hi Evian! I have been on this earth 45 years and it has only taken me till about 4 months ago to cut ties with my sister! The reason why it has taken me so long is this! You can NEVER change someone else, but you CAN change how you deal with that person! And that is what I am advising you to do, it has to be YOU that changes how you deal with that person! You have to treat him like a peer at work, and cut him off with anything else. My sister would do and say horrible things, that I cound not comprehend, BUT finally I realized that there was no way she was going to change and thus I had to change on how I saw and dealt with her! Now I don't phone her or have anything to do with her! I told my dad that I want nothing more to do with her! I went over to his house the other day and she was there, there was barely a word said between us and it didn't bother me at all! It is her loss!!! And that is what you have to think about your brother! Good luck with all of the drama!!!! Because there will be, due to the fact that he will know that you don't care anymore! And thus lost control!
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What Bambi just said, that's it.

I've been here for 69 years and you have no control over what others do or say. Nor should you want any. But you can control how you react to them. You have no obligation to go out of your way to do nice things for someone who goes out of their way to be mean to you, so don't do anything for him that you feel he should reciprocate for. If you expect nothing, you can't be disappointed.

You will feel much better when you can let it go.

Live your own life and don't worry about him.

Telling someone else about it usually makes a person feel better even if it doesn't change the situation, so come tell us whenever you feel the need.

It's also possible to have friends that you have very basic disagreements with. I spent 16 years building winning race cars with a friend who is a Democrat. I'm a Republican. He thinks Obama is the second coming of Christ. I think he's the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler. But we are still friends. I took him riding in my railcar a couple weeks ago and I didn't even shove him out the door on a trestle. Last winter I went with him to the ice races. We spent over 20 years as directors of a racetrack and were often the only two out of seven directors on one side of a single issue. We go out shooting together and neither has shot the other ---- yet.
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Thank you both. After I typed out my long rant, I did feel so much better. I usually would just bottle things up inside but as of late I am learning that is not very smart. Your advice was very insightful and it did indeed give me a new perspective on things! Here is hoping for alot less drama and alot more happiness !
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Wow *sad to hear your story *but relieved to hear i am not the only one 'blessed' with such 'wonderful' siblings*i am the youngest of 3 i have older sister & brother * my brother well he's a lost case.. our relationship is a call or text 1*maybe 2 times a year. My issue is my parents oldest daughter * about 5/6 years ago she left her husband of 18plus yrs. after he paid for her 'Ds' she let a boy who is just 10yrs older than her son move in before her & her husbands marriage bed got cold. At that time i just had a baby that was sick & i couldnt be there for her & i was happy with her new living situation * i just wanted her to give it some time *not to rush into anything * & to b careful with her young daughter being in the house with this guy she just meet. Well long story short (lol) she got mad @ me & started talking sh*t to me to try to break me & my husband up. After my husband pulled me back from wanting to go kill her.... i just stopped i stopped thinking of her i changed my new so i would acoid her harrasing calls & i just stopped caring it takes time * but u first just 'stop' its been about 4 years & i dont have contact with her or her kids & when my mom brings them up i just block it out *start thinking loud in ur head *& nothing else can get in.... hope this helps u... good luck
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I wish to advice you to get the hell ,out and change your name , let them be responsible for their own actions.

I am the matriach of my family and they are saying all sorts of things, because they do not wish me to disconnect from the family.

My advice is stop being responsible and live your own life . Even have a mediation with your brother. Because that is the problem with my family , everyone is depending on me. My friend who says I am her sister is also depending on me.

Get the hell out. that is my advice.
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Wow. Great stuff. Good advice. Ive been trying to move on and cut ties from siblings for years. It's encouraging to see I'm not alone. I feel better not talking to them. 

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wow, you all give me hope..one of my 3 sisters is an odd-ball, for lack of a better term. it's like she is from another planet and not from my crazy family...she just moved back close to all of us after 30+ years and has brought her old baggage  with her...she moved close to me, why who the heck knows...but never get an invite, a thank you, nothing from her....i told her i am heartbroken for the condition of our relationship but i am done and i am moving forward...its on her that she can't seem to relinquish whatever she holds over me from the past...she doesnt get teh concept, you get what you put in...so she gets nothing...so sad and painful...but liberating!

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While it's comforting to see that I'm not alone in this, it's also sad to know others are going through the same stuff. All three of my sibs have/have had addiction problems. My brother (the only boy) has never gotten his life together. I am the only sibling that has never felt the need to drink or do drugs. And in our family, unless you're my brother, sister-in-law, or one of their kids...you're a second class citizen.

My mom isn't happy unless she's 'fixing' someone. She is closer to the children of her friends than she is with my kids. My brother lived near her as his kids were growing up, so she has very special bonds with them. And while I can't say I'm not at all jealous, I'm glad they have those bonds because the kids needed the stability my parents offered. She is constantly trying to 'smooth things over' between us all....so she lies constantly. She tells everyone different stories so then when we are all together, she can't say much for fear of something leaking out and her lies being exposed.

I'm finally trying to cut the ties with my siblings and mother. Mom needs to fix people....and I don't need fixing. My husband and I are the most 'normal' of my family...hold down jobs, have a decent house, etc. We are FAR from being wealthy but considering my sibs are all broke, we look well off to them. They all think that I think we're better than them. Nothing could be further from the truth! I just don't have anything in common with them, so when we try to talk there is tension. I can't relate to drunken fights and parties. I don't talk like a sailor. I don't feel like everyone owes me, so I can't relate to that either. I don't have a chip on my shoulder.

I've gone out of my way to do nice things (not expensive stuff) for the niece and nephews. I've offered to babysit and help in other ways as well. I go to every graduation and birthday party. I send/give small gifts at holidays so they know I'm thinking of them. We make the drive every Christmas, to see that my mom has given them their presents early....so I won't see that she's done more for their kids than for mine. I spent every day for almost a week, at the hospital after a family member had surgery, trying to show support. (Even though this person has told my sister numerous times that she doesn't like me) My youngest sister was 'kind enough' to tell me that none of them like me....and it's all they can do to tolerate me.

My sibs have gone to zero of my kids graduations, have refused to come to our house for holidays or even a summer BBQ, have never asked how I am, etc. So why do I continue to care?

I'm far from perfect! I am socially awkward...I don't party and am uncomfortable around drinking (due to my brother coming home drunk 3-4 times a week while growing up) so I don't have friends to hang out with, I still struggle with abuse I was subjected to growing up, I think I have some filter issues (saying the wrong thing at the wrong time)..etc. I do stupid things...most recently, I called the parents of the person having surgery. I know there is stress between them, but it was a life threatening surgery and I felt they deserved to know. I would want to know if it were me. Then, I got chewed out by my brother for making that call. I thought I was doing the right thing....  

I know I'm not who they would choose to hang out with...but, in a social setting, I wouldn't choose them either. But we're family. Why can they not accept me for who I am? I accept them...including their drugs, arrests, brawls, drama, etc.

I'm not sure how I got to be the 'loser' of the family. I'm seriously exhausted. I cried in my car for an hour today after a tongue lashing from my brother. All I want is for my siblings to accept me....why is that too much to ask?

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I can not believe how similar our stories are! I wish you luck and hope that you are strong enough to do whatever you need to do for yourself and your family... I am currently struggling with the guilt and anger of an almost identical situation with trying to cut ties with my brother...
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Found this group hanging w inlaws for a funeral. Only been a member of the family for a little over a year so I'm getting the lay of their land. My family, all too familiar. Family is the people who you defend to others without a second thought. And the people who reciprocate. When you are the only one trying, you are, to one extent or another, an enabler. It hurts like hell to realize that. It is human nature to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Enabling bad behavior by saving the person from their bad results doesn't fix the bad behavior. It perpetuates it. Plus adds guilt, animosity, and all sorts of other baggage to the situation. If you can bring yourself to walk away for awhile relatively early in life, the odds are ever so much better for change. But don't try to walk away without first investing time in making a family of your own to walk towards.
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There are people in this world that enjoy being abusive, mean, controlling, disrespectful, uncaring and ungrateful. Stop trying to get their approval, you don't need it. The fact is, you will never get it. Believe me, your life will be much better if you distance yourself both physically and emotionally from these narcissists. You cannot control what they say or do but you can be in control of whether or not they can actually hurt you. It is not your job to make other people happy. All you can do is to be the best person you know and or can be and if they can't appreciate that, then get rid of the life draining soul suckers. Set a standard for the people that surround you. If they are drama infested pot stirrers that drag you down into a toilet of negativity then, dump em! Pun intended.
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You sound like you do things for people with strings attached... Your not helping out of the good of your heart! You should help out of love and not expect anything in return. And your jealous... No matter that they choose 3 people as godparents, just be happy they included you! Give give give of yourself and that should bring you joy to help others... Quit crying like a spoiled child..... And quit expecting others to act a certain way... Accept them with their faults as you have faults too!!!!! Your trying to control what others do.... Wrong thought. Love is unconditional , do you truly love your brother?????
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family is growing pain. I think cherish the happy moments and not get caught up with little things. life flashing by so fast...
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yes. give dont expect return of favor.
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