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I have bibolar disorder, all of my family knows my situation.  My immediate family, wife and two high school students put me down every chance they have.  I can never clean something good enough, I am always eating too much, I get dissed anytime I offer my assistance like in homework.  It reached the blowing point tonight when my wife came home and saw the christmas decorations, she damn near ripped me a new a*****e.  It's at the poiint where I avoid any confrontational issues, I take the long way around the house to get to the other end. Thank God for Klonopin and Effexor.   i don't think I could last muh longer. And through it all, I have lost all interest in Christmas and the holidays.  I do however pray a lot and this afternoon stopped by our church and lit candles for everyone in the family in the hopes that they could just chill and let things go abit.  The tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife.  

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How are you now?
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My gosh, I felt like I was reading about myself in your story. I mean, it was so close to the same things I have experienced and are continue to experience. The washing of the dishes, the Christmas lights, trying to help my kids with their homework! And I agree, thank God for Klonopin and Effexor. Something that fails to escape them is that if I could work, I would work. The holidays this years were nothing but one stress factor every minute of the day. I go to our church at least once a week and spend time praying for things to work out, and also like you, I light votive candles and raise up my prayers for my family to treat me with the same respect that I treat them
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I have substance abuse disease, bi-polar, ptsd, bpd, liver disease, fibermyalga, and the list goes on... My dad died when I was 17 so all that was left was my mother, my sister and myself.. His death brought us closer but with his death I was using/abusing opiates and became severly addicted and then things just got worse from there.. Shortly after my Dad passed away I was raped and my drug addiction got even worse. I grew away from family and friends unless I could get money off of them.. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar at an early age it was passed down to me from my Dad. From my the way my Dad died, my rape, drug addiction, using family and friends, almost dying countless times then ensued the PTSD.. I went to countless rehabs where again I would be re-diagnosed with all these mental health conditions, I found out I had liver disease and my health just got worse and worse.. I finally got out of horrible relationships stepped up and joined an outpatient drug recovery center where I take medicine that has changed my life and I have been clean for years now. Because of my success at the clinic they convinced me to go seek outside mental health services so I did and again I was re-diagnosed with all my mental health illnesses.. I currently am in/go to the drug treatment clinic, behavioral health center, and countless doctors for my health issues.. Because of all that and more my doctors came together to tell me that I would never be able to find or have a continuous good job so they deemed me disabled and I am on SSD as well.. It has been a blessing and a curse because my sister will have nothing to do with me, I lost countless friends but I do have my mom and some friends and I have all my doctors who go out of their way to help me and make me feel content to a point about all of this.. I am 28 and it took about two years from Social Security to approve me which was a huge struggle I got judged all the time from their workers and Medicaid workers.. So I understand your issues and what I have learned is that no matter what you need to be in relationships family, friend, or otherwise that are good for you because if they are not then it just makes things for us all 100 times worse than they need to be.. Now I know that they're are some of us who are married, have kids, or so call baggage but there comes a time where you need to put yourself first for ONCE and stand up and if you have to get a divorce or cut ties with other so called loved ones than do it.. It is so much easier said than done because I know first hand.. Recently my sister had a baby and I found out on facebook from a mutual friend of both my sister and myself and it was one the most cold hearted things she has done to me so far not counting mailing back cards and presents and so many other hurtful things but her having a baby and keeping me in the cold has been the worst thing she has done to me to date.. The fact that my mom supports me and understands me and doesn't judge me also pisses my sister off and because of that she stopped talking to our mom and I have a lot of guilt about that because she also kept our own mother in the dark about her pregnancy and then her ultimately having a son which is I think two years old... So I am glad that there is a website like this for people like us to vent and support each other so please, please do not give up and fight for yourself for once!!!
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