alright, im 14 years old, i have a girlfriend that ive been with for 10 months, shes 13, i have a very messed up life. but lets start from the begginning.


alright, my mother and my biological father, got married at 19, my sister was born when my mom was 19, im born when my moms 28, so my sister is 23 now, anyways, my father was secretly bisexual, and was knew how to woo the girls in to bed, alll the time, he made love to m stepmom in front of me, thinking i couldnt hear them behind me(hes like, a turned on stupid bastard) and, then he beat me, so to speak"" and i told my mom, well i couldnt see him anymore, i was 11 when that happened,

then he signed his rights off, i have my step father, who is in the military, or was at the time, he adopteed me, he was a pretty cool guy, was always a father to me, but  he changed, he became over protective and mean, he took steriods in afghanistan and suffers from low testosterone, he takes shots, and it really riles him up. anyways, i started dating this 6th grader (i was a 8th grader at the time) in november, i just got done with the football season in middlee school, and started wrestling.

this girl, was very beautiful. amazing, for how i looked, but i was an 8th grader, so of course shes gonna go out with me. everything was going fine. except for my family, they didnt like me dating a young girl, but i didnt care, she was nice, and we were very sexually active, and very comfortable with eachother. around march i snuck her over, we planned on having sex, but we didnt, i just fingered her, and it was the first time i had ever touched a vagina, and it was, really weird, and nothing like porn makes it out to be thats for sure.

so, then i get news of me moving to arkansas.. she was hurt, because i was the only one that touched her down there. we were really wanting to rush into sex, thinking it would make us bond better and prepare us for the long distance..

on july 1st, i come back from arkansas to see her, we go to my old house, i had rose pettles (amazingly from my sister she helped because, ill get to that later,) spread over the make shift bed, and candles, and slow romantic music, she has never seen my penis before, and i can tell shes shy, so i i talk to her, tell her to unbutton my shirt, she does, and then i start some fore play with her, she finally starts biting her lip and says "ok baby i wanna see it" which was surprising enough, i was hard, lucky her.. i take my penis out, she imediatley grabs it, and kissing my neck, well, i lay my head back, and she starts biting her lip and pumping away at my meat, well she sucked at it, she was slow and im very fast and rough. not hit the chick rough, just, rough.. and i help her, then we go to watch a movie, and to the hotel, to get ready to take her home, well i needed to take a shower, and she wouldnt, so we layed down and did some more foreplay, but she wouldnt let me touch her down there, and i kept saying babe why wont you let me reach down there, and she keeps saying not yet not yet babe. well i finally got down there, and i felt a pad, i knew what it felt like, living in a house with only girls practicially, so i said, babe is it because your wearing a pad? " yes :(" well, i never touched down there, and she started having stomach cramps, i knew why, thank god.. that couldve been bad. 

so its july 17th,  and we decide to take naked pictures, i think now is a good time to explain, im 257 pounds, but im a weight lifter, not fat people, i squat 330 and bench 225, i dont have a huge penis, only aabout 6 inches, maybe 5 inches, but its nice and thick, im happy with it, honeslty, because of this girl. well, we get caught sending pictures, im grounded for 1 month, but im sneaky, i kept getting caught getting on electroniccs, and i got on facebook, it said she was in a relationship with keaton madrid. i felt so heartbroken.. i went out to the back yard, screamed at god, crying my eyes out, ive never cried over a girl.. i fell to my knees.. grabbing the grass, he image in my head, pissed of at the world, my mom comes out, and says that i need to get to my room.. i sat there till it was dark.. not a peep out of anyone. i got up, my sister brother in law, father, and mother, staring at me from the back door window.. my dad opens the door, and i walk past em all.. to my room. it was august 19th 2013. i got ungrounded. i never talked since that day i saw her cheating on me.. i got my phone, and texted her, and finally asked why she was cheating on me. she kept saying idk idk idk.. im controlling, ill admit it.. im very screwed up now. i think of someday, just putting a piece of hot lead in my forehead.. but she has my heart. i cant bear to lose her.


so we worked it out. i started school. and then on august 29th, she was cheating on me again with tanner philips. well, we worked it out again.. i made sure she knew i knew though.. then... she cheated on me again, september 25th, braden key. thats where, i told her i knew, and i didnt text her for the whole weekend. i held my dads glock 17 up into my mouth, loaded, slide pulled back, and cocked ready to fire.. luckily, the trigger pull weight was tough.. or i wouldve been dead. i emptied the gun, cleaned it, put it back as well as the ammo. my parents hate me for staying with her, i argue alot, my mom says ive made her life f*****g miserable, my dads given up on me.. now its october 5th and im moving back to oklahoma tomorrow. ive told the girl, were dating yeah. we have phone sex alot. but, at random moments, i feel like i got punched in the stomach, because i remember.. 3 times jon.. 3 f*****g times... and i cant bear it, i get explosive on her, and nearly lose her 3-4 times a week. now that im moving back, she promises that she'll change. that ill get the old alyssa back. well. folks i know it wont happen. but i tell her thank you. she calls me a pathetic jerk everyday from me being controlling. i tell her shes a b***h, just because she can be one time to time.. im not allowed to bring up her cheating anymore or she threatens to leave me... i need advice for my whole life. and im bipolar, im happy then im severely depressed.. i need to know, what do i do with my relationship with my girlfriend, and if possible, my family?....