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I've left my boyfriend at least four times, This means packing my bags and running from him. Until he tracks me down and suddenly I feel horrible for leaving him. Like I'm crazy. I no relationships take alot of work. I have been with him for two years and he has cheated on me with his ex, spat in my face, he has smashed all of my things when he is ither drunk or when he doesn't have weed, he points out every hott girl he sees to me, he's made racist remarks to me about my ethnicity when he's drunk... I could go on and on. But worst of all I feel like he forced me to get an abortion. The whole time I was pregnant I begged him to let me keep the baby, but he told me he would rip it from my stomach or kill the baby when I had him, he would get drunk and scream at me. He would wake me up and scream at me and throw things at me, After I had the abortion He begged me to forgive him and stay with him and I did. He has never really hit me. He's thrown things at me, pushed and slapped me, and pulled me by my hair. But here's the thing. I love him so much. I just want to be with him and love him and fix what ever it is that makes him so mad. No one makes me laugh like him and the sick thing he actually makes me feel safe in a way. He makes me laugh and my heart races when I'm with him. The things he says to me, no one has ever made my heart melt, I'm convinced we're soulmates and so is he, but now I don't no if I should keep trying or stay away. I'm clueless and stupid. And I love him.


Hi Not,

Leave him, for good.

Look at what he does to you.  Do you think he'd change if you ever did have kids?  No.  He'll do the same to them as well.

He doesn't respect you and he can make all the excuses in the world as to why.  Maybe he's drunk, on weed, whatever, it doesn't matter.  You can find someone that makes you laugh without all the grief. 

Do you feel safe or are you just more scared to be away from him? 

He needs professional help.  Just being with someone is not enough as it is very easy for one to become an "enabler."  You'll make excuses and defend his actions, you said it here "...he smashed all of my things when he is either drunk or out of weed".

It can be scary leaving, being alone, and facing the unknown.  But you deserve it.

By posting this question you show that you know what you need to do.  You just don't have the courage to do it on your own.  Take that step, leave, and don't look back.  Ignore his phone calls, his texts, everything.  Move on with YOUR life and don't worry about HIS.  HE can take care of himself, you can't take care of him.

Good luck.