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Hi,

I have been with my boyfriend about a year and I love him so much. He is the kindest and most caring guy I have ever met. He has a really good job and a great family plus a good social life too. The only probelm is that he has a serious drinking problem. I don't know if it's me overeacting as I have never had to deal with anyone who drinks so much before, but maybe someone can help me. Basically, if we go anywhere he has scout out the nearest pub, if we stay at a hotel he always goes staight to the bar. We recently stayed at a hotel before a wedding and when he asked if they had a bar and they replied no, he said he was going to have to drive somewhere to pick up some drink! I said there was no need and eventually he said ok thats fine I just won't have one. Any social function is a complete nightmare as he gets completed wasted, until he can't function. Everyone just thinks he is hilarious when he's drunk, but the only problem is I am the one who has to deal with hm when we get home. He just passes out and I can't obviously move him. He will then wake up a few hours later and he has been known to have a wee in the wardrobe after mistaking it for the toilet!!! I just worry he is going to fall down the stairs and kill himself so I'm always lying awake when he's had too many because I'm so worried!! When he wakes up he is never ill and feels fine, and tells me I am overacting when I tell him what he gotup to the night before.  Everyone is really worried about him, including his family, but none of them seem to want to help him? I want to help him but I don't know where to start. Its not like he is abusive or violent when he's drunk he's just hard to deal with!!! People keep telling me to leave him as I can't live my life like this but he's not always like it!!! I can't leave someone I love just because they like a drink!! If anyone knows of any support groups it would be much appreciated. Thanks.

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Hi Worried,

You are enabling him.  By being there, picking up the pieces, and supporting him, you are NOT helping him.  

I've been there.  I know how hard it is to see someone hurting themselves with drink.

Only he can want to change.  You can't make that happen.  He'll grow to resent you.

Never mind him hurting himself, what if he gets drunk and kills someone else?  

Do you have al-anon near you?  It's a support means for the family members of someone with an alcohol problem.  Go to it, see what happens.

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Read the book, "Co Dependent No More". It will help you identify those things YOU are doing that make his behavior worse. No excuses. If you want this to work, or even if you just want both of you to be safe, you must do what you can to change yourself. And either accept him as he is, or move on. You cannot change others. Ever.
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There is only one way to deal with a boyfriend with an alcohol problem. . . . . change boyfriend
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Yes dump him and replace him with a better man without the problem. Drinkis is also the #1 catalyst for domestic violence. Don't for a minute thyink he is as good as you can find or deserve. And you can'thelp him. He can only help himself. Leaving him might be the very thing to get him to stop. But make him prove it for a year before considering taking him back. Which is unlikely because you probably run into interested men every time you go to the mall, supermarket or park. Men do not rule. 21st Century is in the hands of women. Girls Rule!
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