I have a serious issue I don't quite no how to deal with anymore. Here it goes:
I met my first boyfriend first year of college and we had a great connection after the first day we met. We met the second or third day I moved into the dorms (we lived in the same hallway... yes, that is pretty crazy stupid that I decided to be in relationship with my neighbor!). Anyways, we became each other's best friend and romantic interest which was great. But, we spent most if not all of our free time together and were almost inseparable. My whole building knew about us and everyone constantly told us how cute we were and how perfect we were for each other. Of course, we (or I....can't speak for another person) felt that too.
However, our now 10 month relationship has been very rocky. I expected a few bums here and there but its been like a roll coaster!
During these past 10 months, we have taken many "breaks" or "broke up" per say because my boyfriend claimed he was depressed and confused and his amazing friend group from home changed for the worse. He said he doesn't agree with them on many of their out looks on life and people. At home, meaning in high school, he was part of the stoner/athlete group...lol a serious contradiction. I am not against smoking weed but I'd rather not do it and he insisted that I was/am judging him for it, which stressed him out. To sum up, he was a social smoker and when he met me he cut down on the smoking and so lost a lot of his friends/potential new smoker buddies. He mentioned at one point that he thought it was all my fault that he doesn't have any more friends.
He would especially get antsy before school breaks when we would all leave campus and go home. But, we still ended up seeing each other... a lot.
Right before final exams at the end of my freshman year, he was acting weird.. being distant/acting awkward around me (a sign I always notice before he asks for a break). He got me very sick and never came to check up on me and contacted me very rarely even though I was right next door. He eventually (after I incessantly asked him to talk), came over and said he needed to join the "college scene" lol... (ie, party and hook up?.. never admitted to the hook up but he said he would a some point after he got over me..wtf).. Anyways, I was devastated because he always brings these emotionally stressful things upon me right before something very important like test and exams!
After this scandal, he moved into his "friend's" dorm for a while who lived in the building next to us. He always complained to me how he didn't like this friend and then he moved in with him?
After all this, we ran into each other on campus and it was hard on both of us. Even though he broke up with me, he insisted on seeing each other and studying together. So we did.
After leaving for summer break, we saw each other off and on. I had so much built up anger and frustration towards him that I broke up with him after a few weeks. (I'm also really confused on the state of our relationship lol.. we break up but see each other and act like a couple.. and then something happens and we take a break even though I'm not completely such we were together to begin with officially. It's weird.) He called me in tears after 2 days and begged me to see him. He drove over, we talked. Back on again.
A week later, he breaks up with me and says the exact same thing I told him when I broke up with him the last time. Devastated again lol... I felt used. Like this whole relationship was a game to him.
I didn't contact him for a week. He called me in tears begged to come see me. He drives over. Gives me a ripped flower (ok..) and tells me he was so stupid and too concerned about his image (which apparently he though I was ruining? b***h. <--sorry, im pissed.) Anyways, he said he wants back in and said "I'm in it for marriage" ?!?!?! <--- yeaaah buddy. He mentioned the whole marriage thing a lot which I dont even understand (for the past 10 moths). We're barely in college and it time to hit the church. cool.
But I accepted his apology and took him back ;(.. for a test run so to speak. After hanging out once again, I noticed he was acting nervous around me sometimes. I called him out on it and he said it was because of our rocky past. After July 4th, when we spent the night together the day before and he left that morning, I had a bad/nervous/sad feeling. He left right after having sex with me and we also didn't use a condom and I was so worried I was pregnant. He also rarely contacted me. It was always me having to reach out.. text or call. He always replied but I was on me to initiate the "hang outs". Before, he was so loving and eager to see/talk to me but now he is very distant.
In addition to all this, he told me that he this he has developed an anxiety disorder with the whole transition into college. He constantly has low self-esteem and seems to randomly become anxious. He smokes weed a lot too since he came back from school. I'm really worried and this whole situation is hurting me because I care so much about him but it seems like he doesn't care about me or how I feel. I understand he has been going through a rough time but it seems like this whole relationship revolves around him and his needs.
I am lost, and don't know what to do or how to act or not act. If anyone has any advise or has been in a similar predicament please reply! Lol.. I feel a little desperate. I've talked to my family and friends (who know him personally) about this but they have never been I a situation like this so their advise is very broad and frankly only helpful temporarily.
I would not worry too much about him. The weed is unlikely to hurt too much. I've had a bad experience with marijuana that I'm still getting over days after use, but I feel my situation is extreme. My guess is his anxiety is related more with personal problems or maybe just an overload of stress. If he feels his anxiety is effecting his daily life then I recommend he sees a counselor. Many universities have counseling that is paid for with tuition. Some people feel against going to counseling, but it can only help. It's basically just someone to talk to, and when you're depressed, anxious or stressed that can be the best medicine.
My advice to you is don't worry too much about this. Many people have anxiety and a lot of people smoke pot. It's okay to have concerns, but don't try to act controlling. You can only give advice, like counseling. It may sound lame, but the best support you can give is positive reinforcement. A positive mindset really does wonders for anxiety.
Speaking from experience I suppose?