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like the Pearl Jam song.

The whole 80's/90's thread got me thinking...

Ever feel some way about someone without knowing them, and then once you get to know them and/or their story, you change your mind.

Like Vanilla Ice. (This is what got me going) I hated, hated, HATED this guy when he was popular. Then, when I saw his VH1 "Behind the Music". I actually felt bad for him. Here was a young guy who got forced into a bunch of stuff he couldn't stop.

Wouldn't we all be better off giving people the benefit of the doubt?
Or is this the rural, small town, person in me?

I don't know. I don't know much anymore.

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Ditto on the Vanilla Ice thing.

I try to give people benefit of the doubt, but sometimes I just can't. At least my southern, rural upbringin' won't let me say anything bad about people unless they directly p!ss me off.

But definitely, sometimes all is not as it seems.
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A friend of mine what to HS with V. Ice. From what I heard he was a major a$$hole. I wouldn't feel too bad for him.
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No, you have the right idea, coach. It's the "there for but for the grace of God..." concept.
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When we give the benefit of the doubt, we're making "them" "us" which is a lot easier and more peaceful.
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It is surely better to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I know that I don't always -- if ever -- give a good first impression, but it's nice that not everyone holds that against me.

It's just like how I'm trying to bring up my children: we give everyone the benefit of the doubt, don't look at their outsides, but their insides. It takes time to get to know the heart of a person, and we should all try to get to know people before we write them off.

It is ok, though, to decide after a time if people are or are not worth your energy. I'm not saying that forgiveness is bad, but I think there comes a point where you have to decide if you want to be in the company of toxic people.

It's like this business with Steff. Maybe the two of us are just not compatible. There are people we meet who don't bring out the best in us. Maybe she's that for me, and maybe I'm that for her?

I think your post says a lot about you. I like what it says. :)
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I tend to do that when someone hurts me or pisses me off. I look at the person--and realistically judge: "Are they the type of person who intentionally seeks to hurt or cause anger?" More than likely they aren't--so I try to think that there are other more benign, innocent reasons they have done something to hurt/offend. (like a bad fight with the spouse, a bad day at work, life is too busy, etc)

In other words, like you said Coach, give the person the benefit of the doubt.
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You all are so nice! I agree that we don't always know what is going on behind the scenes. Unless someone deliberately hurts me, then I try to give them every chance. There are people I just don't care for, sometimes without a good reason, but I still treat them with kindness and respect because that's the way it should be. (I don't socialize or take them to lunch, but I'm not rude or hateful either)
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Yeah, but many people who are good people now were not necessarily good people when they were younger. I was a real piece of work when I was 16, and mother continues to hold that behavior against me, even though at 33 I am nothing like my 16yo self, for better (irresponsible, lacking common sense) or worse (carefree, not cynical). We do have to allow that a lot of people do mature and turn into beautiful souls.
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