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It's so hard for me to find the right words. It took me a very long time to even come up with a title for this. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for here- just people who share the same problems and I welcome advise. I have so much to say...I am having a really hard time with life. I don't know where to start. Here it goes:

The night before last, I stayed up all night and lost my mind. This isn't the first time this has happened...but this has been the worst so far. 2 nights ago I was ready to let go. I've always found reasons to stay but this time I couldn't see any reason to stay. The only reason I didn't do anything dramatic was because I had someone there to "keep me off that ledge". I've been struggling with ADHD since I was 7. I am now 23. I have been suffering from depression for a very long time. I also have very bad anxiety. My doctor gives me RX's for all of those. I am also an alcoholic. I recently got an injection called Vivitrol to control my urge to drink. So far, it's proven completely ineffective. I'm addicted to my ADHD medication and heavily abuse it. I also take mood stabilizers....I am so unhealthy and abusive to myself. 

I am such a mess. I really need a therapist or a professional who can help me. But I avoid finding one and I'm not sure why. I have so many thoughts I repress and when I have too many I explode and it is really bad. I have a tendency to subconsciously punish myself for unknown reasons. I have no self esteem even though I am constantly complimented. I get stuck in these really depressive funks that disable me entirely. Like right now, I am so exhausted but panicking and avoidant of sleep. I can't see the light...I'm so focused on the dark. The very occasional times I've been in a good mood...I found a way to destroy that happiness 10 fold. I don't understand what is wrong with me.

I am very withdrawn from people. I have a really hard time keeping relationships and following through with anything. For some reason I seem to want to just be hurt internally. I really need someone to talk to. 

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hi dear

i do understand what you are going through. i have lived with anxiety and depression for 13yrs and it was so terrifying. feel free to ask me anything on this matter

i am so willing to assist you.

i no longer live with anxiety and depression>

 

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hi dear,
i do understand all that you are going through right now because i had anxiety and depression for 13 terrifying yrs. there isn't a doctor that i haven't been to, i have been so sick and desperate but i am now delivered from it. and you can to.
but you need to take a stand for yourself and your mind up!!!!!!!!
you can make it
you can over come
you can succeed
you can do it.
because i did
i am that living testimony. showing and proclaiming to all that all things are possible with GOD.
THAT'S HOW I OVERCOME IT WITH GOD.
no medication
no one
but GOD!!!!
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