Hi I have been reading this forum since yesterday. I am a 26 year old female, good health and whatnot. But I would like to share my story and maybe get some support. Lord God knows I am in so much desperate need of it.
Six months ago, I got out of the United States Air Force, my enlistment was up so it was time to go. A few days later I begin my journey with Mary Jane...
I tried marijuana for the first time because I had ran out of my anxiety medication Effexor. The first experience I had was with brownies and I ended up throwing up all night. I decided then I would try to smoke. My routine everyday after that was wake up, get baked, play video games, and watch t.v. I didn't even want to leave the house. There is actually an indention on my couch from where I was sitting there so much!!!
I have been smoking mass quantities daily (5-9 bowls out of a bong) ever since I started smoking, all together about 2 Os a month. The strain i noticed I was a bit paranoid was Sour Diesel, and it was pretty tasty, my stash ran out an month later and I go to my dealer to re-up. He had Platinum OG Kush, I was quite excited to try and new strain...
Three days ago (12 OCT 2012) things went for the worse...
I had been having a hard time sleeping and was going on 24+ with no sleep, so i decided that if I took a couple of hits (six huge ones) of Platinum OG Kush then I would feel the need to go to sleep. Little did I know that it would lead to the most frightening experience I had ever experienced in my life.
I was sitting on the couch watching 30 Rock as the high set in. I started to feel sad and a little depressed, so I went to my bedroom to try and lay down, the symptoms got worse. I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness, depression, fear, and thought of ending my life to stop the emotional pain I was going through. AND the thought of suicide freaked me out. I was thinking "how could I think like this?!?!? I must be crazy, this is too much!" I then called my boyfriend in the room, I explained to him the panic i was feeling and the overwhelming feelings of suicide now. I even imagined taking a gun and shooting myself. I am no where this type of person so again, totally freaking me out with the abnormal thoughts. I then asked my boyfriend to take me to the ER because I was so terrified/sad/depressed.
I get to the ER and explain the situation. The ER is actually on a military base (I'm prior service) so you would think they would take this seriously. Because I didn't have a plan to off myself they pretty much told me to go home after talking to a counselor. It did not make me feel any better. When I got home that night I had another panic attack and was afraid to go to sleep in fear that I would have the same bad thoughts again, so sleep was horrible.
The next day I decided I would try and get back on my anxiety meds Effexor. I know it has a lot of side effects but when I was on it to begin with but it did keep me happy and in a good mood. I went to my Primary Care Doctor and they noted I was depressed and put the prescription in the system. The Doc then took me to Mental Health to talk to someone about the fear and anxiety I was having. They couldnt do much for me since i was a "walk in" so I decided to go to the Veterans Affiars Govnt Agency for help. I figured they would help me. I went to their mental health and the woman I talked to seemed not too concerned with me and more agitated. She told me to call the VA crisis Hotline if the feeling came up again. I was not too happy with this so on the verge of tears I went to the VA Primary Care and told them I needed to see someone immediately. I saw the nurse there and she went and got someone else from mental health. The woman who came and spoke to me actually looked like she actually cared. And walked me to the ER while explaining to the Airmen working at the counter that I was about to lapse in deep depression and I was needed to be seen asap. Well what happened was pretty much happened on my first trip to the ER. I had my boyfriend actually pick me up from the ER afterwards since I was emotionally unstable.
When I got home I felt like I was going crazy, random panic attacks, stomach nausea, pressure over right eye, and extreme fear of thinking like I was a few days ago. I talked to my boyfriend for a while, he tried to feed me but all I could keep down was milk, barely. I was so desperate to figure out what I was going through that a thought came to me, "maybe this is withdrawals from weed or a side effect?" I googled weed withdrawals and it lead me to this site. And everything became clear, I am suffering from marijuana withdrawals /overuse/the sh*t I was smoking was high grade allegedly. Since I have been reading peoples posts on this so I would like to make a timeline of symptoms and things I have been trying to do since I realized it was the weed.
Day one: the beginning massive panic attack, head pounding, heart pounding, loss of appetite, inapproiate thoughts, depression, a feeling of emptiness, fear, pressure on right side of head kinda like a migraine but with no pain, just pressure, and . I gave up weed that night.
Day two: Same symptoms as day one except the panic attacks are not as intense but still unsettling to the point it stops me in my tracks and I gasp for air to calm the attack down, loose almost watery stools, loss of appetite. I started to feel like I was in a cloud (later I figured maybe depersonalization?). I try not to think about the bad thoughts, but they do end up seeping through. I called a good friend and asked for company so I am not alone, we then went for a walk. I walked until my feet were sore but it did keep me from thinking about the fear I have inside. I get back to my home and being in my living room made me have more panic attacks. (Probably because all i did for 6 months were, weed, video games, and t.v.) So I associated my home as a bad place because of the traumatic experiance I had. Lots of crying and mood swing, slight agitation.
Day three:I started Effexor, and I felt a little better for a short amount of time. I then discovered this website, and it gave me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I go out and about trying to get out and be social as scary as that was. I felt like I was walking in a cloud and that everything was very bright. Kinda like when you have a migraine and you see light and it hurts kinda bright. When I had panic attacks, I would tell myself "its just withdrawals, I'll be okay" but again I broke down in tears and cried.
Day four: I try and go on a fishing trip to Sacramento River to catch a salmon from this years run, fishing I was still having the same symptoms, but not as bad. I was reading most of the posts on this website for the most of the day and it did make me feel better till my phone died (another thing is i get motion sickness and I didn't the entire time I was reading on the boat, strange). I had nothing to look at to make me feel at ease so more panic attacks came and I asked my boyfriend if we could go back to the dock and go home. When the boat started moving, I the wind on my face made me feel really really calm and soothed. So I rolled the window down on the way home and the anxiety was gone....till I got to my house and had panic attacks in the living room so I asked my BF to go on a walk. I tried talking to him and asking him how he is feeling with me going though all this drama, he filled me in and I let home know a little more about how I feel. The walk made my feet hurt and made me feel better that my bf and I were on the right page (communication is key, don't be ashamed of how you feel, the military says that it takes a hero to seek help, you too can be a hero) but again when I got back home, the panic attacks happened again. My friend KT hit me up so I asked my BF if it was a good idea to go out and hang with her because of the way I feel. He thought it would help so I drove out to see her, and along the way, I had a panic attack agin. On the way tho I had a coffee, I didn't want to abstain from caffeine since I know that can have withdrawals as well so I decided to kick the weed first over caffeine. While I was drinking the coffee (vanilla latte, they forgot the sweetener but i was okay with that because I didn't want to be all jittery) I dont know if it was the caffeine or it being an iced drink but as soon as I got the drink in my the anxiety went away. (so im going to do a trial on the coffee aspect and see if that helps) Anywhoo, I probably walked about 5 miles with 4 different people today every-time I had an anxiety attack and felt sad and alone. I am trying really hard to be in public places but it gives me social anxiety. I only ate a banana and some apple slices today, seemes to be the only thing that I can keep down. Water is hard to drink, the smell of food makes me sick. I am craving fresh foods like apples, or lettuce etc. I bought an herbal supplement to ease anxiety called Gaia Stress Response and instant response drops. I haven't taken it since it was so late in the day, but ill let yall know how it goes.
Everyday is a struggle but I am trying to keep my head up, I wanted to share my story to let ya'll know you are not alone with what your going through, you'll really find out what type of person you really are when you have a experience so scary. I have restored my faith in God, and I started addressing things that I was holding bitterness towards. If anyone has any comments about what I'm going through or advice on how to cope because i am still having hard times please let me know. And keep it nice please, people are seriously ill or looking for a light at the end of the Tunnel....Keep your head up and I will keep moving forward
SYMPTOMS (what I am experiencing now): nausea, lightheadedness, acute senses, depression, fear, sadness, pressure behind eye on right side (kinda like a migraine but without the pain, tingly pressure) headache, loose stools, poor appetite, trouble concentrating (putting things where they shouldn't be) derealization, sweats, social anxiety, panic attacks, fogginess, sadness, waves of emotions, inner restlessness, insomnia
So I wanted to do a day to day update on this so at least someone can find comfort knowing that things do get better.
Day Five: I went to sleep last night around 1:00 a.m. I put on some headphones and listened to some relaxing music to take my mind off the drama of the past few days. I recommend the album "Sleep" by Sandro Mancino, you can find it on iTunes. Believe me the music is super relaxing and usually goes on for about an hour and a half I think, WORKS WONDERS!! I fell asleep in about 15 mins. Woke up at 10:45 a.m. (medication I took as well Effexor and Benodryl)
I find that when I usually wake up I feel really good so I decided to take advantage of that and ate a whole cup of strawberries/blueberries/and raspberries, and drank a little coffee. Afterwards I took some Gaia Stress Response Herbal Suplements. Im not sure how fast that will work but there is also immediate drops for panic attacks happening (drops taste horrible but work quickly). I decided to sign up with Lumosity a site that exercises your brain and works on concentration and focus. Played some games on the site and it kept my mind off of some things.
Symptoms as of today: Still have pressure on right side of head but not as intense at the moment. I feel a little more relaxed today, not as depressed, but I still feel sadness come and go, I would like to describe that as I guess waves? I feel a little hungry after the berries. Everything seems to be HD, lol.
I will continue to update my progress and please if there is anyone out there that is going through the same thing or has gone through it, please let me know your experience?
Day Five (cont.): So now its later in the day, its 11:40 p.m. and I wanted to share my experience from today. I did wake up at 10:45 a.m. and ended up driving home after watching a webcast of a church my friend recommend me to watch. I did reach out and gave a testimony about what I was struggling with and one of the members actually responded and helped me with my struggle. I did have the shakes for the majority of the morning. (even when I got home, only subsided with exercise) I did take the Gaia Stress Response Herbal Supplement (2x) today and it helped out tremendously, I have only had minor panic attacks and they seem to come and go pretty quickly and not as often now. I also used the Quick Response in some water and drank that whenever I would feel uneasy. When I got home, I called up a friend to go for a walk and ended up walking probably the length of the town (possibly 4-6 miles). My plan was to walk until my feet couldn't take it anymore, now I have blisters on my feet, so FOLKS don't do what i did ha ha. Take it as you feel need. During the walk the way I saw the world was a bit fuzzy, then kinda HD, like super clear) My friend commented that maybe that is because thats how I should normally be seeing the world. Since all I did for 6 months was smoke I saw the world through mary jane colored glasses and my body hasn't adjusted to seeing what life really is. Kinda cool kinda weird. After the walk, I felt peaceful and the pressure on the right side of my head is not as strong or tingly as it was. When I got home my BF and his friend was doing some yardwork so I just sat and chilled with them to help with the social anxiety and I felt even more at peace. I did find out that complex noises or loud noises do bring panic attacks but that is something that I need to work on. After the walk and chilling for a bit I went to the (Wholefoods/Nugget) store with my friend to find some herbal remedies. I ended up getting some Stress/Anxiety/Tension Relief Tea, and some Sleepy time tea(in which I am drinking now). On the way back I had my friend drive my car and roll down the windows, it was already sundown so the wind and the cool air relaxed me even more. When I got home, I wanted to educate my friend on MW (since he just heard of it today and only read my post), so I read him some of the testimonials on this site so he can be one of the few who is educated on MW. Needless to say he was very surprised. Reading out loud to him as well was very relaxing (he didn't have his glasses). I read to him for about an hour I think, time went by really fast. Now I am unwinding by writing this post. I find it hard for my hands to actually hit the right keys sometimes, and I find it hard to have a conversation without my head starting to hurt (to me it feels kinda like overstimulation) At this point I would like to share some thoughts and maybe some advice...1. Build a support system, call family, friends, ask for help!! No one deserves to suffer in solitude, that is probably the most painful things someone could wish upon someone else. I called friends and quickly found out who my real friends were. SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT, reach out and find it. Dont be ashamed of what your going through people have their highs and lows. I may sound cherry but I am swaying between low and high right now. 2. I was thinking today about my panic attack 5 days ago (and of some of what i have read form elsewhere) and it sounded to me a bit like Post Tramatic Stress Disorder is what most people have after such a scary experience " Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms are generally grouped into three types: intrusive memories, avoidance and numbing, and increased anxiety or emotional arousal (hyperarousal). Symptoms of intrusive memories may include:Flashbacks, or reliving the traumatic event for minutes or even days at a time. Upsetting dreams about the traumatic event. Symptoms of avoidance and emotional numbing may include: Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event, Feeling emotionally numb, Avoiding activities you once enjoyed, Hopelessness about the future, Memory problems, Trouble concentrating, Difficulty maintaining close relationships. Symptoms of anxiety and increased emotional arousal may include: Irritability or anger, Overwhelming guilt or shame, Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much, Trouble sleeping, Being easily startled or frightened, Hearing or seeing things that aren't there." You can read the rest if you google/bing/or whatever Mayo Clinic and PTSD. 3. I have decided to take only one herbal supplement tomorrow and not the recommended dose of two and see how that goes, because I don't want to get stuck on one medication (even if its herbal) to another. 4. Personal Hygiene and self love and worth. I have found that it is still hard for me to look at myself in the mirror, so starting tomorrow, I'm going to start wearing makeup (I usually don't all the time) just so I can get adjusted to seeing myself/loving myself again. Men I know most of ya'll don't use makeup so do something like shaving your beards and whatnot. Personal Hygiene is the first thing to go when someone is depressed. So groom and learn how to love yourself again. 5. Pep talk, I have decided to say out loud to myself in the mirror "Today is a good day, you are strong, you can get through this" sometimes hearing something come from yourself and seeing it helps out. If its hard, still try. 6. And I'll shut up for the day, TALK TALK TALK, sometimes you have to repeat how you feel, or just release it in the air, if you feel the need to cry cry, but talk to someone about what your going through, again no one deserves to suffer in solitude. I hope I have helped someone out there looking for answers, I know there isn't a lot of information out there so I am doing my best to help out the best I can. God Bless and keep your head up, it gets better with everyday but it first has to start with YOU. <3 Tabbi
Day 6: Last night before I went to sleep I sprayed some lavender pillow spray on my pillows and covers to get me more relaxed at at ease to go to sleep. I used to have this deep fear about going to sleep because I was afraid of thinking like I was when I had the panic attack, but I think that since I know that I could be possible PTSD I feel much better. I am thinking its PTSD because after my anxiety attack (which I had in my home) when I got home that night I was so afraid to be in that environment, I was also trying really really hard not to think about the experience I had, and I was pretty much avoiding the things I like to do. And when I thought about it, I had extreme fear and hopelessness. So could be, I don't know until I see my psychiatrist Wednesday. Anywhoo back to the sleep thing, I did sleep pretty well last night, took me about 30 mins to fall asleep but I got there. I listened to some TobyMac and that made me feel at ease. (medications: Efexor and Benodryl)
I am a bit aggravated tho, I have been to the hospital 3 times in my journey to find answers and it seen other people have too, but no one takes this withdraws seriously. I am saddened that there are so many people out there and they have gone through the same thing I have and could of just given up.
As for the herbal supplement to help with anxiety, I haven't taken that this morning but I am going to take it around lunch so I can have it work into the afternoon which is usually when I feel most anxious.
Physical symptoms: Over the past few days I have lost a total of 12lbs, I used to weigh 198, I am down to 187 now. Im not sure if thats good or bad, but hey at least my body is eating the fat I have gathered while I was high all the time. My appitite has not changed much, I am still eating an abnormal amount of apples, but I am trying to eat some more solid foods as well, I'm going to attempt to eat some oatmeal this morning, no promises tho. I have a full on body shake from time to time, usually happens when I wake up in the mornings. Usually when I go on long walks, if I push myself too hard my heart beats super fast and I get a panic attack, but not as big. Loud noises or complex noises to bother me which is strange, but I think that goes into the "i've been high and experienced everything high for a long time" so I think I may be overstimulated. I still feel the anxiety there, I know it wont go away for a while because my body and mind is wanting the THC in the system. The pressure on the right side of my head has subsided a bit, its not as prominent as it used to be. But seems when I am stressed I feel a bit of pressure there. As for social anxiety, I am going to try and attend a hot yoga session today. From what I have been reading Sauna and Exercise can get the THC out of your body quicker, so why not do both. I will let you know weather or not I go to this hot yoga or if I go for a long walk instead.
So until tonight, everyone keep your head up it does get better and if you need to talk you can get at me on tabbi.rasmussen@gmail
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I've struggled with mental health issues for years (14), now. I do not think that you are having withdrawals from marijuana. Your symptoms seem to be a combination of having PTSD (I also have PSTD, no military background) to begin with, and then not taking your Effexor (I take that too...nasty withdrawals), smoking a high grade strain of weed that you knew nothing about, to self medicate, which caused the PTSD symptoms to become full blown. You may want to blame it on the weed smoking, and you can, however, that is the least of your worries. It's really hard to find your way (and you will), just remember it is a j-o-u-r-n-e-y. Maybe, try a PTSD support group, get a pet, meditate, keep walking, knowing that you're going to be able to manage all of your medical and mental challenges. The most important thing is to be involved in and participate in your own healing. And depend on The Creator for EVERYTHING, knowing that you will have the desires of your heart. I wish you the best!
Hey. I like reading your journey. Im on the start right now and i take effexor for anxiety as well. ive quit before and had to go to the er a few times too. i smoked from 2010-2011 than stopped and went to the er. they put me on serequel 25mg. it helped for sleep and relieve my panic. Stupid me recovered and started smoking again for like 4 months. now im on effexor and serequel 50 mg which i take before bed. im in bed typing this on a cell phone, sorry about puncuation. anyways, i started getting anxiety, depression, irratibility, shakes, scared to death of feeling the withdrawal like i did before. im hoping the symptoms dont last as long since ive been smoking outdoor weed and did not use my vaporizer this time. (i vaped before when i quit the first time). If i remember correctly, the first time it took like a month to get better. im hoping it only takes a week this time. im never using mj again even though i have my license to smoke. this feeling sucks though so bad. my appetite is gone and im trying so hard not to thinj about the withdrawl. im going to give the serequel more time to kick in. as i write this im having milk anxiety and feel really hott even though its winter and cold. ill post her tomorrow too if youd like. ah this is painful though. best of luck and let us know how u did.
Forget psychiatry. Psychiatry meds will only destroy your brain and give money to labs. If you are feeling good taking pills, wait util you want to get off than. You will be in hell and your psychiatrist will only give you more meds that will make you worse, a zombie.
Many disorders called disease by psychiatrists don´t even exist. psychiatry pills are bad drugs...go to your doctor and say you want to get off of this sh*t but DON´T TRY TO STOP ANY MEDICATION COLD TURKEY, YOU NEED TO TAPER OFF WITH THE HELP OF THE FREAK DOCTOR WHO GAVE THIS c**p TO YOU. THE LAB WHO PRODUCE MEDICATIONS PAY HIM VERY WELL TO KEEP PRESCRIBING IT. IF HE REFUSES TO TAKE YOU OFF MEDICATION, FIND OUT ANOTHER ONE.
And if anybody shouldn´t go to a psychiatrist, somebody with marijuana problem should never, never and never go to a phychiatrist. Marijuana withdrawal is real and caused by physical reactions. Anxiety, panic and mood changes in people who never smoked cannabis is normal. People are different and have to deal with different things in life and different feelings. Now psychiatrists just created a new "disease" to make more money. They call it attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and a lot of children are victims of drugs for a condition that they don´t have. A condition that don´t even exist! A child is different, has a mind that works faster and different from what we are used to see and psychiatrists say he/she have a brain problem....what is happening to our society? How long time people will take to wake up?
Why all the boys who killed a lot of people in schools or colleges were on psychiatry drugs? Psychiatrists will say they already had a disorder when they started taking medication. Do you really believe in this? I don´t.
Psychiatry is a lie.
Iid suggest getting on an old pill not the newer ones until the fda gives them more reviews. im also starting to workout again.
A good remedy for weed withdrawal is cranberry juice. it helps so much!
Between benzodiazepines, antidepressants and antiphychotics the only i think is acceptable are benzodiazepines but not for everyday use. Just emergency. If somebody is having a seizure he/she needs one single dose to stop the episode.
Efexor is an antidepressant, it messes with serotonin recycle in the brain. The changes continue for some time after you stop. I know it helps, but it helps making your feelings numb. Making you feel good without knowing why. I don´t think it´s good but if people want to take it, what can i do?
Good luck to you anyway. Believe in your heart.