Hey everyone, Im 25 years old, and my Bf and i have been together for almost 7 years! I have a son from a previous relationship and we have a 4 year old together. He has always smoked pot! When we first got together we were pretty young and i was not a smoker! as years went by eventually i started smoking because my bf did and he has a medical card and does have very bad knees and his DR did recommend it because pain pills he took in high school from playing too rough in football he had to shoulder operations and knee operations, and the pills ruined his stomach! SO he goes natural. I started smoking because i was tired of him always doing it, and someone told me that i could either leave or accept it. he smoked before me, so why would he stop for me. If he is in pain.... how can i tell him to stop when he needs it. I started smoking and for our relationship it was making things easier, less stressful... Now as years gone by, we have our 4 year old now.. he no longer just smokes weed, he likes to DAB. and ALL of his friends... they all smoke pot, or DAB. He also plays alot of video gaming!! He slowed down a few years ago, and now its more then i can remember. His best friend is my sisters bf which sucks cause they smoke and play videogames all the time. DAILY. I get sad because i feel like he isnt spending enough time with me, now he works all day too, so i get it.. he wants to relax, and i want to be able to help create a home he can do that. BUT i find myself doing everything.. i do the cleaning, most the cooking, all the laundry.. and when it comes to the kids.. even the kids know.. lets ask mom or moms got this, cause dads playing videogames and he has his headset on so he cant hear anyway and when we bother him while he is in gaming with his buddys and he is online, he gives us all sh*t for it. like were being rude for bothering him or such. I was becoming depressed... so i hoped if i started smoking id be more understanding.. I LOVE POT., lordy though its expensive,. it adds up. WE dont have the money for buying it all the time, so his account goes into negative.. and i pick up the slack. I HAVE more bills then him. MY car payment 280.00, car insurance 265.00... the electric and gas is in my name and goes through my account, i pay half of the house payment which my half is 420.00 a month. I also pay all the expenses on my car, we have 1 car so he uses mine or i pick him up from work i try to make it easier so he wont have to walk. He works half a mile away maybe. All he pays is.. his 420.00 a month and our comcast bill.. which is cable and wifi.. because boy needs his wifi for gaming. lol. we have been together along time... i keep telling myself he is immature, he will grow up. he has a kid now.. atleast he working full time now.. BUT i cant help but feel im enabling this, and the fact i started smoking.. which isnt alot. i can live without it. BUT i feel horrendous amount of guilt spending money on it. knowing we cant afford it. apart of me blames him.. i wouldnt smoke in the beginning if he didn't bring it into my life, my step dad smokes too, but he isnt like my bf.. my step dad smokes alot but he also manages to have time for my mom and my kids, he is a great grandpa. I dont know if the problem is him or the weed, or if its me. When he isnt smoking and were together.. i honestly dont enjoy it.. he isnt himself.. but when he smokes.. he goes off in his own world, but he is nice to me.. but he is less stressed, he is only shitty with me when i complain about the pot or video gaming.. . i feel like we are all missing out on life, i feel bad for my kids, i feel like a shitty mom. My parents think i should leave, they think he dont appreciate me. NOW I KNOW my bf really isnt the appreciating type, for example.. my parents watch my kids for free... anyone who has kids know what a blessing that is..... MY BF thinks they should do it anyway, thats what grandparents do... :( that upsets me, his grandma raised him so his idea about it is twisted. I grew up i didnt have any close family and one person had to work and one had to stay home cause my parents couldnt afford child care. My parents want me to leave. i guess i feel too guilty. LIKE am i being dramatic, my bf thinks i am. Before we got this house, he chose to use his tax return money to help us get ourselves into a home so we wouldnt have to rent anymore. I let him claim our son because i knew he needed the money more, and i already claim my oldest. NOW he has never even offered to give me any portion of that.. even though i do more for our kids. like the whole child care thing.. ever so often i give my mom 200 dollars for helping me out, and when its tax time i try to give her some money because i appreciate her. Now i am behind on my car payments because his account when in negative.. and our home payment goes through his account and so i had to put alot more then i normally do so our house payment goes through. He owes me money.. and he just asked me for 50.00 so he could run to the dispensary cause he needs more wax, and he told me to just take it off my portion of rent. which normally is fine. but im getting anxiety thinking im losing all my money, this is a losing battle. i got two kids to love and support and take care of and at times im scared im putting him before their needs but i think i am so involved with him and i have this idea this is my family and i came from a broken home and i dont want that for my kids. I hear people say not everything broken is ment to be fixed... im trying to grasp that. I need advice... lets be real... we been together so long... do i need to end this. whats the best thing to do. Its so hard to save any money right now.. with everything going out and not enough coming in. I dont wanna hurt him. he does love me.. i truly feel he does, but i think he does take advantage of me and then justifies it. He will tell me he appreciates me and im amazing when he sees me sigh when once again im up tending to the kids and chores... while he is laying there tired or he is playing video games.. . but words.. i hear so many words, if only he put those to action! Our sex life is good. I do everything for him. but i think im starting to resent him cause my passion isnt in it no more, now a days i want to just f**k to f**k.. i could still enjoy myself so much more alone without him. like.. i like sex, he does too, but he dont deserve it i feel like and i feel guilted into it because im his woman.. he is very loyal.. i mean his only mistress is weed, and his videogames.... this is making me emotional...Im just lost. I fear i will make a mistake leaving him. I fear to cause him any heart ache and pain,, i fear he will not be able to do life without me... i fear what will happen to our son.? Im sorry this is so long.. ive read so many forums and people with similar issues.. but i feel like mine is different because i will smoke too, BUT i make the budget... like he will once and awhile.. but when he is gaming.. and his best buddys gaming online on the other side.. they both after a few games played.. the both in their mics talking about dabbing.. and how they are noobs if they dont dab before this next game... ugh.. lord its so annoying. alright... please dont tell me im stupid or blind.. cause believe me.. ive heard it all before. Maybe it is me... maybe im too jealous of his activities and his gaming and weed. idk.. PS> I only wanna smoke when i get sad because i dont want my kids to see me like that, they seem to enjoy me more when im able to get on their level and be creative...I do feel guilty at times cause i shouldnt have to smoke to feel happy, but ive been going through depression with everything.. i have a dr apt to address my sadness in july. Im trying to better my life for my kids. I just dont want to see my family fall apart. And no my bf does not think he needs help for his addiction because he is happy with who he is, and he wont change, He wont seek any type of anything, and the suggestion that i think he has a problem if i verbally keep addressing it, i know its gonna cause more stress in our lives. I think too, not just the pot but the gaming addiction has to be a real thing.