My husband is Bipoloar, we have been together 18 years and I just filed for Divorce yesterday. It was the hardest thing I have ever done my love for him is deep. 3 weeks ago he left me for the 20th time or so it seems I stopped counting. While I was in Texas at my sons graduation. We came home to an empty house, I knew it was coming but it still knocked the wind out of me. He has always left and came back and I thought it was his addiction to the streets however in 2012 he lost his grandmother it was very devastating for him , he was also diagnosed for Bipoolar also devastating for him. he then lost the best job he ever had and started working for another company where he met a woman and had an affair. I dont know how many else their were but I found out about this one. I was completly shattered I didnt want to lose my husband . But he left me and moved in with her just a few cities away, he would call and text and say he loved me and want to come back. I let him back many times . Our anniversary is xmas eve he was with her. He left me on valentines day to be with her. He called me to meet him at his docters if I wanted to fix our marriage  I went and met with him and the docter  he cried and  said he knew he needed me and loved me and he was coming home. he came home the next day. It was good for a litle while but then he started acting funny and talking to himself and about not being in the world anymore. I calle his docter and he said to take to the hospital immediatly so I did. They kept in the mental ward for 4 days and he was so much better. He got out and told me he was no longer that man and he would show me and love me. A few days later he was gone. Our lease was up on our house and I was preparing to move to my moms. He wasnt working but living with that woman again. He then came back and wante dto move with me and my son so I took all the money I had for my car payment and got us an apartment. 3 weeks later he was still cheating so I packed his things and told him to leave . He left and the next day my car was reposseded and I lost our apartment cuz I couldnt get to work. And broke the lease So we owed alot of money to everyone. He left the state and me in ruins. About 6 months later there he was again trying to work it out again I was in 1 city he was in another I was moving out of state he made all these plans to leave with me . Then the day we were leaving he says he got a girl pregnant ( another lie ) or if he did no baby ever showed up. I was schattered again. I left alone. 8 months later he calls to work things out again. He comes home uses me for 6 months while sending money back to his girlfriend because I found the western union reciepts . I asked him multiple times and each time would be a different story I dont know if anything he says is real. I helped him with his health every day, I have been here for him everyday for 18 years. I told him he needed to start helping me and step up and stay away from other woman and be honest. He took me to lunch bought me a watch said he loved me he was changing his phone number for me and we would be ok we just needed this little break. He left 5 days later while i was in another state. he knew he was leaving when he took me to lunch he had just bought his ticket.

I do not know how to let go . I  Love this man.  But how long do you keep allowing someone to schatter your dreams and life. Will he get better I feel so much guilt and failure for filing divorce but I cant be his punching bag anymore.

M-