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Hello everyone! I dont know whether I'm wanting a decision to be made for me or just to offload a bit!

Im 23 and have been with my fiance for 4 yrs - lived together for 2! Plan to get married in 2 yrs (once we've had chance to save)! Over the past 3 months I cant stop thinking about having a baby, being pregnant and being a mum! Ive joked about it with my fella & hes said he can make a baby but i can look after it! We talked about it seriously and he said he didnt want one just yet as hes working a lot at the moment, but this should hopefully settle down in a few years! He mentioned 4 yrs time! I really dont want to wait that long - i want to start trying not long after we're married!

I really feel i should wait until we're married before trying, but even 2 yrs seems like ages!it makes me want to have a lower budget wedding so we can get married sooner - but at the same time i dont want to just get married for kids, i want to make sure we're definately doing it for the right reasons! I love him so much & cant imagine my life without him! I feel we should wait so we can have a baby free honeymoon and so we can have the wedding we want (as getting married after a baby will be hard to save for)!

I just cant get the baby thoughts out of my head - everyone seems to be pregnant at the moment too - so many ppl my age seem to even be on their 2nd!!!!None of them are married & the 2 who are married dont have kids!

Im sure i could change my fiances mind it we talk it through properly, but i want us to share the responsibility!

What should i do - i feel baby crazy!!!!! - I used to hate kids - its like as soon as the rings on my finger its all i can think about - i want one now!

p.s we dnt own a home of our own, we rent! He has a well paid job, and i am looking for a job at the moment after finishing my diploma!

Any opinions would be great - i havent mentioned any of this to my friends and family.

xx

 

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You say you feel you should wait until you are married, I'd agree.

He says he's not ready.  Respect that. 
You are not ready.  You're just getting your diploma and looking for a job.  Who's going to take care of the baby while you work?  I don't know what child care costs in the UK, but here in the US it is several hundred dollars a week.  Can you both afford that?  Could you stay home while he worked?

My opinion is, slow down.  Trying to change his mind may not be a good idea.  He may feel pressured at some point and it could strain your relationship.

As far as the wedding, keep it small.  Save the money for the house, or the honeymoon, or the BABY!  Why start of married life in debt.

Hope it helps.




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Thankyou fo your reply medic-dan, its nice to have sombody else's point view! I have thought through various factors - i would most likely stay at home for at least the first 6 months, then work part time (tops) after that! We are both living off my fiance's wage at the moment and have been while i have been in education, so i know we can afford for me not to work! I know there will be less money spare when the baby is born, but recently we have been a bit silly living the life of luxury (but that is very recent, we usually stay in most of the time) so we should still be able to afford it!

If i needed childcare i would ask my sister who is a nannie - she usually charges £9 an hour - about $14-15 ? Which unfortunately is around the same as my hourly wage - so no profit made - i would just be working to get out of the house and keep my foot in!

I know you're right, I dont want him to feel resentful - its just surprised me a bit that now he says he wants to wait, when he used to be the one saying he wanted to be a young dad & i wanted to wait til i was in my 30's! Hopefully the next 2 years will fly by! I should focus on my fiance, rather than being blinded by baby fever, now's the time to build on our relationship & make sure we're getting married for the right reasons - i dont want to be another statistic!!!

I just wish i could think logically all the time & just get babies out of my head - i need to hear some horrific pregnancy/birthing stories (& i mean horrific - nothing seems to put me off), haha!

Thankyou for your help! x

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