My story is so similar to one I found here:
That I had to post mine as well.
I too, am a 27-year-old Army vet, only a semester away from an associates.
However, I am also a Marine reservist. I have served for 9 years.
I met her through her sister, the girlfriend of my ex-roommate in 2010.
We decided to go steady on Valentine’s day and I gave her a ring exactly one month after.
It seemed like a match made in heaven.
It was a great relationship, filled with the little things of affection and spending as much time as possible together. Her sister had warned me that she was mean and promiscuous, but I felt that she was just the product of abuse (her step-father, and her ex) and that she simply needed to meet a guy like me.
I move in with her a few months later. She is beautiful, and so is her 2-year-old daughter (who is physically handicapped). I had begun my first family, and it felt great.
We had been through the usual relationship bickering, nothing too serious, but it soon escalated after me moving in. I pawned it off as the typical “first year hardships” that married folk experience initially. The biggest hit was when I got mad that she slept with me without telling me she had HPV. I felt betrayed, but I later came to terms that she did nothing wrong.
She becomes diagnosed with manic-depression a few months later, and is worried that I will leave her. At this point, I had realized she was a little crazy, but I loved her nonetheless. So far, nothing major. We are a happy family.
But there was always something clawing at my back. The deployment. I was scheduled to go on a one-year deployment even before we shared a year together. We spoke about it, and she convinced me that she would wait for me.
I speak to her every night during training in California, sometimes falling asleep. I was tired a lot. It was the corps. But I always found time to call her, write her, or to fly her out. We spend thanksgiving in California together, where we have a strange, emotional argument. One of the saddest memories is leaving her the morning after from a hotel door. I go home for Christmas: I get her a diamond promise ring and she gives me an awesome vintage journal. I begin to write in it from then out.
My birthday and our one-year anniversary are spent over Skype, and then I ship out to Afghanistan. We get there, and we are low on personnel. The unit we replaced gave a lousy turnover as well. I end up running a section single handedly—19 hours a day. I hallucinated from sleep deprivation, and I starved myself skinny. I did not call her every night. It just wasn’t possible.
When I got the chance to, walking miles across a sand stormed base to a phone center, I always called her and emailed my friends and family. It wasn’t enough for her. She says she saw it as me abandoning her, and she would see online posts from me to my friends and family, but she would get nothing. She said I left her.
I call on Easter day to see if she got my flowers. It is the first of no answers.
Weeks go by and I can’t get a hold of her. I begin to have troops assigned under me to lighten my load, but its still a lot. I am worried that something bad has happened. I find time to investigate.
I call her family, they say they have not heard from her, that she is acting mean, and is never around. I go online to look at several sources. The Netflix account has not been used in a month. The daughter loves the cartoons on there, there is no way they don’t use it. And then I see it—her Facebook. Good ol Facebook.
-My last post to her, telling her that I love her, was unanswered.
-The next post was some weird app thing stating that she felt naughty with a winking smiley face.
-Directly after that, she posted “somebody help!”
-After that, ambiguously, was her scolding certain people who not say rude things and stay out of other peoples business.
-On the next post was an alert that said she had updated her info.
What she had done is hidden her relationship status and set up the interested in men line.
-The next post: Now friends with “Bob.”
My First Heartbreak:
The pictures where traumatizing. The action of Iraq, the corruption of Afghanistan, nothing hit me like being betrayed in my darkest hour by the one I counted on the most. The pictures were of her in swimsuits, siting on a guys lap, flirting, and the entire time with her daughter. I had been replaced.
I would spend hours a night, after my then 15-hour shift had ended, calling and calling and calling to no avail. It never failed: 6 rings and the memorized voicemail stating she would call me back as soon as possible. Her mailbox fills up. I can’t even leave her those anymore. I develop a semi-relationship with an old lady who I accidently dial on occasion. Learning to dial a 30 digit number by memory leaves room for error when hand jamming the keypad, and my girlfriends repeated digits would somehow cause the same error—leading to my unknown friend who always expected my misdials. I don’t write in the journal very much anymore at this point.
I got through to her sister, who spoke in riddles at the time. She stated that my suspicions for her cheating on me are probably true. She went on to say that she told my girlfriend that she should talk to me first. My girlfriend only replied that she won’t, that she was tired of me, and that she was going to do what she wanted. Her sister lastly said that we just weren’t for each other, and that my girlfriend did not answer because she felt that she was too chicken to face me.
I finally get through to my girlfriend through text messages. It is weird, but I feel like my life has been saved. She apologizes at first, and I justify that it’s not her fault. She is confused at why I still want her, and I reassure her of my love. Conversations start out very small before she gives up, but increase by the day. I tried to stop my family from moving my stuff out of her place, but she persuades them to anyway. She says she likes Bob. I tell her to choose me. Finally, she agrees not to sleep with him anymore but will still hang out at his house to spend time with his sister and her kid. The next few months are torture.
I begin wiring her money because she is broke, and I never quit.
Father’s day. No answer. Memorial day. No answer. Her birthday. No answer.
She says she is sorry, continues to run around, do drugs, and ignore my calls. When I tell her to take down the pictures of her and Bob, she dose so, only following up with posting worse ones of them naked together. She justifies this by saying she wanted his ex to feel jealous, whom she didn’t like. I am called into my executive officer’s office. I am diagnosed with “combat stress,” to which I deny.
Naturally, I reach a breaking point and flip out. I hack effortlessly into her Facebook, and exploit her actions to every contact she has. I give threats to Bob, and scolded his sister (she barked back). I also find she had flirted with her abusive ex-husband, and that she had messaged Bob’s ex calling her a w****. She stops talking to me, and telling me that I will never hear her voice again. I take down her account after being asked by her , and discover that almost everybody sympathized with her (that responded). Feeling embarrassed, I send out a final message apologizing for my actions to everyone, and shut down the account.
We begin to speak again after she mysteriously breaks up her friendship with his sister, and when her daughter has her first surgery. It’s rocky, but she says she will do everything to make it up for me. The deployment ends, and I come home.
I was awarded a meritorious medal from the Navy. I am proud of it, but it was not worth it.
I never did kick Bob’s ass like I had planned, but I’m sure I will someday. We begin a teetering relationship. I now literally have PTSD from her. Things she says, does, etc serve as triggers for those awful pictures and those awful events. We go to therapy, she says its stupid. We go to church, she says it’s boring. I give her the silent treatment; she says I never tell her anything. I scold at her when she continues to run off into the night to unknown places and drugs, and she calls me “verbally abusive.” She enrolls into beauty school, where she meets all kinds of drug-addicts. It’s out of hand.
My Second Heartbreak:
She begins going to friend’s houses and staying out late. She is either high, or drunk. She is a monster. Halloween: It goes well. Thanksgiving day: I’m in a hotel. She meets up with me and we spend the night together. Christmas day: I buy her sapphire earrings, and expensive clothes. She buys me a belt and a shirt I already own. From Walmart.
New year’s is bittersweet. After taking her off of all prescription medication in the new year she shows signs of improvement. My golden birthday, the 27th: we spend it in my new truck just driving around and I love it. I am in school again, and taking Calculus, Physics, Engineering, and Programming. Having been out of school a year and taking all of these, my free time is once again spry, my life is again stressful, and a simple, relaxing truck ride is heaven for me.
Valentines Day, two-year mark: I am going broke, and cannot get her much this time. We had made a time capsule before I deployed to open on that day, but I destroyed it in an earlier fit. We had a good time nevertheless. Things go good in March, We begin spending more time with each other, she graduates school and stops hanging around the drug addicts, and we start going to the river as a family.
Things go bad in April. She begins hanging around a couple of drug-addicts she meets on our street. I begin getting mad at her again., and threaten to not take her with me to the 4-year university. She states that she will clean up, but only gets worse. Easter: I barge in and yell her new friends out of the house. Her friends are a couple. The boy lives with his dad on our road, and the girl moved in with him with her daughter months earlier. The night before, my girlfriend had been out all night and I finally got ahold of her. In the background, the other girl was intervening, telling her to hurry up and get off the phone. I told her to tell her friends that I had the right to talk to her. She didn’t. I did. I began tactfully with her friend that Easter, and she gets up in my face screaming at me. She tells me that I treat my girlfriend like sh*t, and that if I beat her, then she’s sorry. Amused, I tell her that if I beat my girlfriend, it’s her fault (not seriously—but she didn’t know that). She threatens to call the cops on me, I threaten to call CPS on her, and she hasn’t been back since.
The Third Heartbreak:
My girlfriend stays on my side for one day. We finish Easter by going to a restaurant, where I spend my last few dollars on the meal. When I break the news that I am broke to my girlfriend the next day, she comforts me for a few minutes in my study, and then leaves to go with her sister. I feel lonely. Everyday after that, she leaves. She starts hanging over at that drug couple extensively. She does drugs again, gets drunk, and goes out of town. I scold her, and she continues to call me mean. She oversleeps and her daughter misses school. She begins leaving me with the daughter to go out partying. The house is never clean and never has been. I am hungry all the time. I sold everything valuable for gas money while she goes out and spends on other people. For 2 years, I had supported her, filled up her tank, and gave her anything she would ask for. Now I am alone.
I finally sold my big-screen, the gem of my post-deployment. I needed the gas money in case the emergency fund at my school does not award me. I come home depressed. She tells me to watch the kid, and drives out of town to go drink. I scold her through messages because there are no baby wipes, or food. Her sister tells me for the third time that we aren’t for each other. Her mother and grandmother do the same. My friends and family tell me to not walk, but to run. Also, I had declined a friend’s invitation to go out earlier, like I have done to all my friends the last two years, and I had counted on this night to study now that I’m behind.
The kid and me go to the river, she casts her first fishing line, we build a fort, and we have a great time. She falls asleep, and I go to the study to lie down. I go online and I stumble upon the story in the link at the beginning of my tale. I instantly become compelled to write down mine and that’s where it ends. It’s too late to worry about spell checking, this thing is 5 pages long, and I’m tired. I just want to throw my story out there. I don’t even need a response. I already know where this is heading and what I should do. My life: I’m broke, my truck is acting up, I’m not in good health, I’m struggling in class, and as the last guy put it--my relationship is in shambles. It’s just hard to give up your own family on your own free will. It’s not human. And I know I have it bad, but part of being a man is sacrifice. I worry about her so much, even though she doesn’t worry about me. I worry for the kid as well. Thank God she is too young to notice. But tomorrow is another day, and I’m really really sleepy.
I am really sorry to hear what happened to you. Words aren't enough to heal your wounds. There are many thing that you can do to cope up or how to reduce the stress and burden you are experiencing now. Find something that can keep you busy and moving on is not easy, cry out and when the time comes you will be an new person. A strong and independent person :)
There is a saying that' its better to hang out with a wise enemy rather then stupid friend'
And its not necessary that you need a women by hook or by crook,you can live alone and survive and eventually be happy to see your dreams come true.
Omg she is need of a dam exorcism? and you a reality check and her child in protective custody for dragging her around in her darkness!... Why do you keep casting your love to a swine only to have it trampled on by her selfishness and serious insecurities again and again? beauty is only skin deep and as the sun rises over the flowers they wither. But dude she's a thistle and a tare ugly outwardly as she is inwardly and so it will be with her one day to wither soon or sooner than that with her drug abuse and promiscuities? So wake up your not in kansas anymore but in an emotional hell ship sinking in her own ocean tossed to and frow and it's unstable no matter how much you try to steer her helm to port? time to let go and abandon ship or your going to sink with her! They say love is blind but your not blind but stupid (sorry) as she is insane for her own conveanance?. She's playing you for a fool and it seems like more of a revenge on men. Well what ever, but wake up and find someone else who will appreciate your love and sacrafices! quit looking under rocks for you'll only find slime there, but rather look up there's still beauty out there singing some where in the trees waiting for a good man like you! "Peace."
Good luck, only you can make the situation different. Dont be a door mat.
This girl is not worth your time. It's girls like her that destroy good men. Break it off with her and cut off any financial support completely before she totally ruins not only your life, but you as a person. She was never worth it. You're being a doormat and she will take you for everything you're worth and then leave you totally desimated. I've been down this road before and can tell you that you're setting yourself up for a complete disaster. The longer you stay attached, the harder and more painful it's going to be to walk away.
Also, know that the fact that you're so attached to someone that treats you like dirt means that you have a very big problem yourself. Talk to a good therapist about your problem. I think you may be codependant, which is a very bad thing to be.