Hi, sorry for my bad english in advance.
I’m with my girlfriend since 6 month, we know each other since we are in middle school. After that she go in another school and in an other high school in the same town.
We are now both 20 years old, we started to speak together after all these years via facebook and we date some days after, she told me that she had 1 boyfriend during her last year of high school and it lasted 6 month, she lost her virginity with him and i appreciate a lot her honesty. I told her that I lost mine with a girl during a party and that i never have a “real girlfriend”, we never speak about this again. Now we love each other a lot, we also started to speak about to get married and have children, I see all my futur with her and for no reason i can break up, that’s the same for her.
At first the fact that she was no more virgin didn’t bother me at all ( I do not care if a girl is a virgin or non virgin ). But the problem is that 3 month after we started this relationship i really fell in love with her and started thinking about her doing her first time with her ex boyfriend and a lot of more bad things. I was thinking that it’ll go outside my head with time ( i tried to no give matter to it ), but the fact is that the days passed and i was thinking more and more about it, i kept everything for me after 1 month of struggle i’ve decided to tell her what was going on.
I told her that i was thinking about all this sh*t and that it was bothered me since 1 month and asked here some questions about her ex relation ( i don’t know why i just wanted to know ). She answered me that she regret to have done her first time and to have be with him and that she is very sad about it, she didn’t know why she did this ( I think it’s because like a lot of people now she wanted to lose her virginity as soon as possible,specially at 20 years old and i understand this ).
It was during her last year in high school and he was in her class, she told me this is the thing that she regret the most in her life and if she could go back in times she would only change this, she told me that she was just attached to him and that she saw him only during class, that she slept only around 10 times with him and after 6 month he left her she said that she didn’t think about him one time since she is with me, that he is an as****e and that she have forgot him with no difficulty ( I’m aware that i’m young, that it’s all my problem and that it’s all in my mind, and certainly not her problem ).
She said that she discovered the real love with me and that she love me more than everythings. After this conversation i didn’t speak again about it with her because i don’t want, some days after, i spoke with her mom about this ( i know her since 10 years ) and she told me that my girlfriend wanted to see me and date me for years and that she was speaking about me everytimes, that i was in her mind everytime and that she never thought being with me one day.
The last thing i regret the most is that i come 6 months to late because she wouldn’t met this guy.( and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that everybody would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).
I’m aware that there are a lot of worst thing in this world and i do my best everydays to get over it but i can’t and it’s hurting me everytime i think about it, and trust me i think a lot about this. I feel like i’m blocked because i can’t leave her she is the love of my life but i can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing i can do is to accept it but i don’t even know if it’s possible.
Is there any people who had nearly the same problem ?
How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?
Thank to everybody who have read this and who try to help me and sorry again for this bad english.
I can understand what you are talking about , cos I do live in an Arab country and I understand how does virginity affect your marriage....but its because you where raised considering it's the most important thing in the girl you will marry ,I am 35 years old so I have more experience than you , honestly I had sex in my life more than all my friends combined , seriously more than 80 woman , so please listen good , virginity is overrated if you have the girl you want don't let your mind play trick on you , believes me when I say the fear you have when you are young will seam stupid as older as you get ,
The girl is honest with you , you had sex olso , why the double standards
Its in your genes as a guy to get jealous ,
3 years ago I hade a girlfriend from Florida that was visiting here and we stayed like 8 months together .....anyway when we where having the talk one day about how many did we sleep arround in our life , ,,, she was 27 had 6 guys since high school
When she told me that it piss me off and I was angry , I was looking at her as a hoocker until she screamed at me saying " are you angry , I should be on my way to make a blood test " . I knew I was wrong I knew I was worst than here , but I was still angry , or jeoulous .
So believe me when I say it's your male ego that is hurt .
Anyway please stop thinking about that and don't loose that girl , as a guy who is 35 and not married , I advice you to work harder on the relationship cos you seem in love don't let small things get in your way , it's really hard to find love as you grow older , sex is always there , but love is hard and especially your first love , you will never find it again .
We met recently she approached me as she loves me n finally aftr a couple of months I said yes on the very first date she told me about her ex-bf and how she lost her virginty n I wouldn't bother if she did this with her comfort...but her ex ddidn't informed her he jus took her to a frnds place and regular smootch got wild and he actually raped her she don't want to but he did it forcefully and this is the the thing which actually f*****g disturbs me alot guys any movie where a rape scene comes she jus get ccompletely down bz of this on my bdae I cried during a movie she remember this properly...where is my mistake I dun knw BT im suffering pain n tnsn whenever I listen to his name anywhere.....evn I was nt a virgin BT I lost it with a girl who was ccompletely ready to do it with me and evn once I had a chance to break someone's virginty we both were completely naked I was abt to do it BTas she said no i dun want it to happen slsly guys I controlled my self and stopped....I cry daily guys daily I cn nvr get rid of it bz i respect every women n wht I got in return is jus unexplainable..... We both love each other BTa line of her Made me upset n that is she is tthankfull bz I accepted her as if she is in a relationship with me jus bz she was used by some one n I agreed these things simply screwed my life i cannot evn concentrate on my work or anything..... Nor evn I cn break up bz at yet wht evr i did to make my relationship good it became worst....nw I'm addicted of her presence and support and on the other end I'm completely broken.....im ccompletely trapped....
f**k this is my current situation.