Hello Everyone I wanted to post my story to you guys in hopes of really making steps to not fall into my addiction , you see i had a great childhood, family everything. But of course being a human being I am not perfect when I was in my first year of college me and my boyfriend of 5 years were introduced to cocaine . I was young, thought I was invincible, and made a poor choice to try it, that was in 2013 my addiction really began in 2014 after being tired of fighting and trying to save my boyfriend who had fallen      addicted , I gave in, I thought I could control it, I had no idea what I got myself into. Today I have a great job I'm a coach , sponsored trainer but I have struggled with my cocaine addiction for 2 years now. Last night I relapsed, I feel so hopeless at times like no mater what I do or I pray to god for forgiveness and strength I fall weak to this addiction, I was with my boyfriend that has been addicted for 5 years, eh I h also was s toxic relationship after that I moved on met someone I feel in love with and was clean happy etc. well he passed away in a street bike  accident on April 14rh of 2016. I was in love with him, after he passed I tried to move in and date but of course I went back to what was comfortable my ex and now boyfriend again (the one I was with since I was 16, currently 22). I know my major trigger is my ex but ive tried so hard to save to believe that if I quit for the amount of time I did (of course relapses along the way) that I was strong enough to be around him and maybe I'm not, but I can't seem to leave him I love him so much and I know the struggle of addiction. How I wish I could go back when we were young and say no, to that evil dark drug, only my best friend really knows my addiction , -and due to my careers and being a public figure for my area I live in I can't come forward to anyone about my struggle it could cost me my job and without that I have no purpose I love helping people. I am considering a  N/a meetings  but not sure if I want to risk my name what if someone recognizes me that's something I can't risk so I m stuck but I want to change I hate the feeling of relapse this drug I have been fighting for years and I pray to god that he gives me strength to get clean for good