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Just found out my boyfriend has been longtime cocaine user; he says doesn't want to lose me and has stopped immediately (4 days ago) I've offered any help necessary as I want to help him. He says he's ok, that he can do this on his own and has agreed to random drug testing (at my request). Is it possible for him to do this completely on his own? When would the worst part be over (I understand that the mental cravings will probably go on forever)? and how can I best help him as I don't want to drive him crazy or back to the drug?

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Maybe it is possible for him to do it on its own but I would advise you to keep your eyes and ears open and see how he behaves. I honestly don’t know if you can trust him or not for the time being. I have experience with people who are taking cocaine, and they see it as something really cool and take it from time to time even though they started to experience lung problems from cocaine
I reckon it is good that he has agreed on testing. Be there for him when he needs you and make him talk to you! That is my advice! I wish you good luck!
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Thank you Lori,

So far so good, it's been 10 days he's been clean. I'm pretty good at noticing things and will continue to keep my eyes wide open, and testing to make sure. He doesn't want to talk about it much, but occasionally he does and he says he understands that he will be in "recovery" for the rest of his life. He just keeps claiming that it's mind over matter and that he's made up his mind to stop. Thank you for your post.
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Hey, I am glad things are working out fine. He is so right about this “mind over matter” and it is good he had that figured out. I hope you don’t mind me asking how old your boyfriend is.
After I read your post I found out some interesting things about how drugs work in the brain that I didn’t even know. After a longer use, the drugs break down into metabolites in the liver and stay in the fatty tissues. When these fatty tissues are turned over, the drug is being released in the blood and a former addict gets a so-called flash back-as if they took the drug again and they get the crave for it again.

I think that being strong means being able to go beyond these cravings.
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Hi Lori,

My b/f is 39. I too am very interested in the type of information you've found. I try to find out from my b/f how he feels, if he's getting bad cravings etc, but he doesn't want to really talk about it in great detail. I get little bits here and there. He seems to be ok. I don't think he's that great of an actor to be able to hide it if he was having a tough time. I've been expecting iritibility (I have 2 kids, 13 & 20 that can challenge anyone), mood swings, depression and I'm not really seeing any signs of. He's been really hungy, but sleeps fine. He claims it's getting better, but I wonder with the info you've found how long the chemicals are stored and released and if the worst is over or can it increase as time goes on? Anyhow, so far so good, now 11 days clean. He did tell me it's been many years he's done cocaine, and did it all thoughout the day every day. I pray he sticks with this, he's a good man but I've made it clear that I will not tolerate this in my life or my kids life. He says that's what has given him the strength and motivation to do this.
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Do your children know about the problem? You have to be firm about this rule with him because if he sees that he may go beyond your words, then this may be a problem.

These drug metabolites can stay for years in the fat tissues and as the tissues are slowly turned over, the flash backs may appear months and even years the person stopped taking the drug.

Anyway, I hope things workout fine for you!
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No, my children do not know anything and I want to keep it that way. Like I said earlier, when he was using, it was impossible to detect in him. The only reason I started investigating was the mutual friend telling me that he knew my b/f used many years ago and that another friend suspected he never stoppped and that he never had any money and should have. I've had a little previous experience as my 20 year old 16 then) daughter tryed crystal meth a couple of times before I caught her which is when I discovered all thats available in drug testing/monitoring. Luckily it was a passing phase that was ver short lived. After having a cheating now ex-husband and my daughter's experiences I've become quite the detective. If it wasn't for the friend tipping me off, I probably would not have discovered for along time, glad to be dealing with this now instead of later as I really love this man, but need him to be clean. If he can't I will let him go. He's approaching 2 weeks clean, and I about ready to do 1st followup drug test to make sure. He's aware and is cooperative. I just pray he's as strong as he seems to be about this. I'd be real interested in more info about the drug metabolites remaining in fatty tissues. Can you tell me where you found? I'm curious if there is anything one can do to help purge the body; exercise, vitamins etc.
Thank you for your support. I've not had any luck with getting my b/f to any type of support-message boards etc. as he says he has it under control which I guess he does for now, but you've been helpful for me because I have questions, and just need to learn more about the drug and addict's perspective. I know 12 step programs would not work for him at all. I once attended an alanon meeting when I was married, and immediately knew it wasn't for me either. Anyhow, thank you again, I really appreciate your feedback.
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User avatar
Legend
345 posts
Hey Skachelek,

You tell that your bf used cocaine already a long time, but you haven't told us for how long, because it's very important.

Generally, 3.8 Mio. people in USA use cocaine, although not so much as in '80s, where almost 6% of American population used this drug.

Anyway, no one can be addicted using cocaine one, two or there times.
Some people can take the same amount over extended periods and not become addicted. Availability, life style and personality are all factors.
However, cocaine addiction is a gradual and insidious process, therefore I asked you about period he used it.

When cocaine becomes his central thoughts and emotions, when he starts planning his day around the drug, then you can talk about addiction.

This is called cocaine psychosis and this is the worst possible side effect of cocaine mostly demonstrated by insomnia, paranoia, restlessness, craving, mood swings, lack of sexual appetite and extreme weight loss.

I hope your hubby is not addicted one, but here is a good web site with a lot of interesting information about this drug. I think this could be helpful for you and for him too:
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/cocaine/cocaine.shtml

Take care!
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I'm sorry, I thought I had given the approx. time frame of cocaine using...it's been over 15 years. The thing that is odd to me in all the reading and talking to others my b/f just doesn't seem to fit the description of most coke users with the exception of spending all his free cash. he's not necessarily thin, actually could stand to lose 20 lbs., never seemed to be "up or high", never noticed any coming down or depression symptoms etc. I also would have expected that he would be having a more difficult time quitting cold turkey. I just don't think he's a good enough actor. Is it possible that someone could use that long regularly and then just quit and not fall into the catagory of "addicted"? He said "he never had a reason to quit before now so why stop the party". He says now that he knows he needed to stop and is done with it. He was really tired the first week and still is pretty hungry all the time, but otherwise seems to be handling it ok. He has said he knows he will be in recovery for the rest of his life, he seems to understand that the tempatations may always be there.
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You are welcome! I like listening to people, so it is no trouble at all.

About food modification: I assume he doesn’t eat so healthy considering he is a man who lives alone (or…?). If this is true, than he definitely needs to replace food with a lot processed sugar, too much fat, and too much salt with at least two healthy meals and include different food types like meat, fish, fruits, veggies, grains, diary products (as we all should do).

Avoiding junk food and eating healthy should definitely give him more energy. Eathing healthy
The site where I found stuff about addiction and withdrawals is addictionwithdrawal.com. I hope it helps!
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M y boyfriend has been using coke for 3.5 to 4 years now and the other day he woke up and his face was swelled really bad he decided it was time to quit. He says it scared him ok i belived him he said he was ready to go to rehab. Later in the day i told him lets go to check in now he says he can do it on his own. Now this is the problem he has said this before he could not do it then i really dont think he can do it now this is the last chance i and his boss (his step dad give him) ok well he seemed fine for the first day all he did was eat and sleep he got up yeasterday and then left like 2 hours later when he got home he seemed like his same self but a little mean he did not sleep last night i dont think the only time he is up before me and our kids is when he dont sleep and he was up before us today do i trust him or not????
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My boyfriend has used cocaine for a very long time, and has stated numerous times that he truly wants t quit, he does, but then always falls back to it. I do know that people can quit, it just depends on the person and if they are willing to cut off all relationships with the people they associate with it. My boyfriend will not end his friendships with these types of people unfortunately so the continuous pressures will always be there for him. I have also just found out I am pregnant, and have been forced to look at things differently now, I cannot and will not allow my child to be in a home where drugs are being used. He knows this but still falls back to it. Now I am going to have to leave him because of this and it is very painful. He just wont stop. He tells me he has, but then I can tell when he has done it, the way his eyes look, his irritability, not sleeping at night (then he takes something to make him sleep so he sleeps late in the day), has trust issues with me (paranoia), short on cash, etc. Just really pay attention to him, and then give him the ultimatum, but you have to mean it, otherwise it's he knows he has a way out with you. For me I cannot accept it. Good luck.
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Hi. my name is Sean. Ive been using cocaine fairly heavily for the past two years. I am currently trying to kick the habit as the downsides i have experienced are no where near worth the upsides. I have went a full month without it for the first time in 2 years. The most devistating effects i am worried about are the self-esteem issues and i am having some heart abnormalities. I have confidence i can beat the addiction but i am worried about my heart. It feels as if my heart has shifted downward in my chest and i have sudden pains here and there not very painful but scary also the feeling of my heart beating is much more evident than before. I am looking for some feedback on whether or not i can expect that as i get clean that i can gain my physical health back including my heart and also: am i getting in over my head trying to quit on my own?
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Being a former cocaine user i have lived in the world and known many people who have said they are going to stop but never do (including myself). The user has to want to stop, you have to be fed up with it yourself, over it and ready to move on. Otherwise you need a rehabilitation center. If your boyfriend drinks, he shouldn't, drinking is the gateway to making that phone call for buying the drug. Not pot, pot makes you want to eat food and watch tv, pot doesn't lead to cocaine. Alcohol is the biggest problem and quiting drinking is how I stopped doing drugs. I quit going out to bars and clubs and got rid of all my drug user friends. Does he hang out with drug users? I'm sure you feel because you are not a user you are probably a great influence and i'm sure he loves you and doesn't want to disappoint you but he has to want to quit on his own because if he is just saying it to make you happy it doesn't mean anything. You cannot help someone who can't help themselves.
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I recommend your boyfriend look up Narcotics Anonymous. They have a web site that will help you find a local chapter. The odds of success are much greater following their program than they would be "going it alone"

Good luck
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