Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

Okay, this is something I have been stressing over for a few hours now. I'm just not real sure how to handle this situation (which is unusual for me because I can usually find some kind of a solution). My 16 year old daughter made the decision to go to Job Corps as a residential student, which is a good thing. She was rebelling pretty much all the time and thought she was ready to be "grown", so I figured being alone at Job Corps will show her that being "grown" is not all it's cracked up to be. She has only had a few close girls as friends, and most of her friends are boys and have been since she was about 12. Some of them were boyfriends, but the majority of them were literally just friends.

She has been at Job Corps for four days, and she called tonight crying saying that she wants to come home because some of the girls there are calling her a "ratchet". I had to look the term up in the urban dictionary to see what that meant, and it says basically it means out of control. She says that they're using it to mean a w**** though. Like in her life at home, she has made more guy friends that female friends there and tends to hang out with the guys more. The problem is that some of the things that I'm being told are being said are things that I know are lies. For instance, one girl said that she was in the boys dorm with two boys. I know this can't be true because the boys and girls dorms are separated by a security station that is manned 24/7 and they are not allowed in the others' dorms. Someone else said tha she was having oral sex out in the open somewhere on campus, but again, security is very tight there and they are patrolling all of the areas all of the time.

I don know that she's been sexually active for about a year now and I've been over the facts of birth control and protection against STDs and HIV. The importance of IF she's going to choose to have sex, make a conscious decision to be safe about it. And I've told her that sex is much more special when it's with someone you care about.

She tells me that all of the things that are being said are not true, and I believe her, just because of the way she responded to it, and I know how she responds when she's telling the truth and when she's lying. So I told her tonight to ignore what's being said. But I know that it's often times difficult at best to ignore hurtful things that are being said about and to you, whether they're true or not. I've also told her that appearances can start rumors, so when she's being seen with this group of guys all the time, the other kids will assume that there has to be something going on. I also told her that this is part of life, and that she's going to have to find a way to deal with it because she can't run from rumors her whole life.

I really don't want her to leave Job Corps at this point because I don't feel she's been there long enough to have given it a chance to do good for her. But at this point, I'm at a loss as to what to do from here. Let her run away from the problem and come home, or make her stick it out and face the problem. If she truly decides to leave, I can't make her stay, but she will be throwing away a great opportunity, and a chance at a good future. Any advice for me, or advice I can give to her?

Loading...

User avatar
Celebrity
298 posts
Hi.

I had to register when I saw your problem, because it is very similar to the one I had few years ago...
To be honest - it hard to fight the girls - and they can be sooooo mean :-( I really do not know where all this comes from, but people's characters can be so cruel sometimes..
I had the same problem at a firm I used to work in - it was a small firm with mostly men being employed and 5 women (1 of them was boss's wife and one was his lover). When I came along - they both (and consequently the other two who were kissing their asses- pardon my language) I immediately noticed they have something against me (but hey - these are not 15 years olds - these chicks are 30 and more...). I always went along great with guys (and guys like smart girls - they will not hand around with chicks that know nothing else but to apply makeup...), and just as with your daughter - they were my friends and nothing else... although there were some rumors...

To be honest I think the best way would be for to quit job... However if she doesn't quit - this reputation will follow her around and those girls will win...

Ok - the solution - she is a friend with guys - so she needs them to help her out with this one. Guys can be great allies! Especially when they need to help a female friend. She needs to reveal her problem to one of them - to the one she trusts most - she should be honest with him just as she was honest with you - she needs to burst in tears if needed and explain how frustrating this can be for her... It is most likely her male friend will have understanding for her and will support her. Guys can be really protective ... And support from male friends means your daughter has won --- if we can talk about winning situations here...

These girls are talking mean things about your daughter because they are jealous of the position she has among guys - she is their friend and they are not and they are probably the ones that would give oral sex and then being dumped (or they were once)... but this doesn't matter to you or your daughter, I know.. :-(

Female allies are also a solution here - a group of female friends - one group against the other, but since you said she hangs around with guys most, I assume this isn't a solution...

As I said - she needs help from guys - she should explain the situation to them (it is better that they hear it from her than from 'the mean group') and I am sure they will support her in one way or another - and even though those chicks might not stop talking bad things about her, she would know she has support from her (male) friends (and her parents of course) . One thing come in to my mind know - she could (with the help of the guys) confront those chicks - when they would be in a group or something like that - your daughter could step up to them (but she should have 2 cool guys with her to back her up) and simply confront those girls - she should start talking to the ones she heard them talking about she being a "Ratchet". She should ask them where they heard, because that's that and so on ... (she needs to be backed up by male friends!)
This solution could works best - she confronts them - she comes out as the one with the truth on her side and the one with power in her hands...

I truly hope she will make it!
Reply

Loading...

She should never back down, as these "mean girls" will know that they managed to run her out of Dodge. Girls have strong radar and they pick it up if something is different. If your daughter came across with "holier than thou attitude" than she virtually dug her own grave. She may be the sweetest girl in the world, but by struttin her stuff, she has probably made a lot of female enemies.
I am not saying that she should get into a physical war with these girls, but she should let them know that she is not afraid of them either.
She could also find herself a "click" of sorts, get in and make some female friends. This stuff happens at any age and it's always the new kid on the block.
I started a new job some time ago and walked straight into a hornets nest. These b****** thought they owned the place and they were in a tight group. Some of these girls were really not attractive, some were over weight, but they were popular amongst themselves. Here i come, thin, blond, attractive and they wanted no part of me. They used to call me the princess because i always dressed nice and kept myself presentable. One day, i was working side by side with one of the girls and we got along great. We laughed and went to lunch together. Her friends accepted me into their group, and it was so much fun to go every day. They figured out that i wasn't stuck up and they knew i didn't come across like my c**p didn't stink. Several of us are still friends to this day.

So, these other girls in your daughters school have sensed something about your daughter. If she flaunts herself around and is a smart ass, then she is in for trouble, other girls don't like that. She needs to make GIRL friends. Hanging with all guys just makes her look worse.
Reply

Loading...

Weaker girls ALWAYS gang up on either the weakest or strongest... You just gotta decide what side of the fence is yours..
Reply

Loading...

I've been to job corp and I can say from first hand security is weak a bunch of army f**k ups that couldn't hack the frontlines. And police officers who where kicked off the force. They do rounds once every couple hours. Windows are purposely broken to sneak into the opposite sex into rooms. Not saying your daughter was involved in such acts but job corp lacks supervision an is a breeding ground for stds
Reply

Loading...