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Hello,

First off I would like to thank everyone on here for sharing their stories. At times when I was confused about certain actions of my boyfriend, I came here to try to understand. After last night, I have decided to share my story and hope that maybe some of you who have or are in the same position may be able to help. I met my boyfriend when he came home from maine out of a rehab/sober house program. He was the most amazing person i have ever met and i fell love instantly. 3 and a half months after being home (about 9 months sober) he relapsed by drinking. I know a good amount about his past, seeing that he told me and i met him through my best friend (they are cousins). drug addiction and alcoholism runs in their family. He had a previous issue with OCs. It eventually led to heroin.

I had never previously thought there would eb a chance that he might relapse. He is part owner of a multimillion dollar company and has a famil with a heart of gold.. nevermind the love that i give him.... but i know that sometimes nothing is more imp than drugs when you have an addiction. my best friend's father had 4 kids and was very wealthy and was a heroin addict for 5+eyars.. after ging to jail he has been sober for 4. He was my first encounter w someone recovering from addictionI always admired him which is why i admired my boyfriends strength.

anyhow, back to my issue....he relapsed drinking... the night he drank we got into an enourmous fight the next day he admitted to me he had drank. i thought he was kidding at first.. sure enough he wasn't. he explained that that is why he had been so mean to me. after that night, drinkking had become more common and he started drinking every week... ssometimes two or three times a week.. he hasnt gone to one meeting since he has been home.. he used to say " i dont need meetings" which i know is not true and he knows too. i think he feels a sense of lost and feels likehe cant live his life the way he wants to.

anyways. we got into a lot of arguements about his drinking. i even offered that we find other fun things to do not involving alcohol so he wasnt tempted....last friday we broke up. the night before he was supposed to come over and never showed... i was up til 4am upset and confused. the next day he made somehorrible lie about loosing his fone and not being able to clal hisfamily and tell them he wasnt coming home cause if he didnt they would thnk he was getting high (he is 26 and lives in the apt upstairs) a week before last, i susupected he was high.. his eyes were pinned and his voice was horse... he wasnt acting himself

this is he man i love and he thinks i wouldnt notice.. i look into his eyes almost every day.. i knew.. he lied. of course but i knew.. it broke my heart. so saturday we ended up reconciling after realizing we were empty and lost without each other. when i got to his house, i looked at his eyes and he was high again. i ddint say anything.. after our heart to heart he admitted to me he has dnoe it a few times but PROMISEd that he was done w it and he loved me too much to do it again and jeopardize our relationship. i suspect he hasn't stopped.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. im not sure if i should speak w his family and maybe they can seek help again.... or let him do his thing and treat me like S*IT along the way.. he is a cruel mean person when he is getting high. i know it. he feels guilty and is mean mean mean..

i need help its killing me

any advice?!

TROUBLEd

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If you decide to allow bf to do "his thing", but decide to stay with him, that will be your biggest mistake. It has to go one of two ways, you stay or leave. When he tells you that he won't do this any more, it is a lie. Trust me, i have been there. He tells you what he knows you want to hear and puts you in a false sense of security. I realize that you both love each other very much, but remember, when bf is jacked up, he is not the man you fell in love with.
It is sad that he relapsed after doing well for so long. My family member was addicted to every drug that one could get their hands on, including alcohol to wash it down. Banging heroin was the last straw, which was going on for about 4 years. She has been clean and sober for 9 months and in a half way house until May. We do not look to far down the road with her, we never know what tomorrow will being. One clean and sober day at a time is all we can ask for at this time and be thankful for it.
Don't give the green light for bf to do his thing, step in, draw the line and give him an ultimatum. A recovering addict isn't even supposed to drink.
When you say he is feeling guilty when he gets high, no he's not, he doesn't care at that point, guilt doesn't even enter into the picture until after he comes off. An addict will promise the sun and the moon and the stars and put a silver fence around it, its all a big lie, just for you.
What makes it worse is that he doesn't have to scratch around for cash to support his addiction because you say he is part owner of a hugh company, which by the way, could become extinct due to a rapidly increasing drug addiction. Muliti millionaires have ended up in the poor house with just the clothes on their backs because of this affliction.
So my dear, you have either got to get in the middle of this or continue to let him dig himself deeper. Speak to his family and let them know that their son has had a relapse, don't keep it a secret. If he gets mad at you, so be it. Grab this now before it spirals so far out of control that no one will be able to real him back in.
I know you love him, so help him. It is so hard to watch someone you love with your whole being slide down the tubes. You two may only argue now but it just may get physical. Just be careful and really try to wake him up, some how.
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I know. your completely right.. i even told him while he swore to me he was gonna try to do the right thing that he would swear on his nephews heart if he had to.. its sad but true. id like to think that he is strong and i can trust him but that is me in denial. I am pretty close with his mom and i will talk to her about it. i feel like she needs to know about the relapse as well considering that his family are the ones who placed him in rehab initially. His mother is aware that he drank and i guess she told him one more time and he is out ( of the house) and he still continued to.

Its very hard to not be supportive without evidence that he is using. I can only assume and use the days that i see him to be sure. It baffles me that he did it in front of me after i already noticed his eyes the first itme. I am trying my best to understand his addiction and his struggle and i know its not easy...his 1 year is coming up mid feb.. im scared to see if he gets his cake cause his father doesnt know he relapsed.. only his mom. thank you for the advice.
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