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My 17 year old son is in detox for opiate withdrawl. I feel so sad that he has this to go through, I also feel guilty as hell and wish I had done something different, better so this wouldn't have happened. I have always loved and supported my son and am not sure why he resorted to opiates. Though as an addict/alcoholic who has been in recovery for 24 years I should have some understanding. Maybe that is worse because I feel his pain and mourn for him. What I am wondering is how can I help him. It seems like whatever I say is the wrong thing. Though we have always been close he doesn't want me around and whatever I say upsets him. He just finished detox and is going into a 25 day intensive inpatient program.
Maybe I should let him call all the shots, if he wants me to visit I will and if not I won't. I will try not to look so hurt and sad when I see him.

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Al-anon was made for you. Alanon.org they specifically deal with family and close friends of addicts.
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Go ahead and feel sad, but don't feel guilty. It doesn't matter what you could have done, he was probably going to do it anyway. Trust me, been there, still there.

I wouldn't mourn him, i would embrace him, he is not dead, he is actually being reborn. You are right when you say that everything you say to him is the wrong thing. They don't want to hear anything worthwhile at this point. If he just finished detox, he is still in a lot of pain and i mean physical as well as mental. How long was his detoxifacation plan?

It is a long process, i know, i am going thru the same thing with my daughter. She was a addict and a junkie. Pot, X, vicodin, cocaine, oxycontin, the list is endless, until her drug of choice was IV Heroin. This went on since she was a teenager, she is now 27.

And yes, let him call ALL the shots for now. Don't visit if he doesn't want to see you. I know in our case, she was not allowed to have any visitors at all. I was allowed to drop things off for her, but never could see her.

Don't beg him for a visit. He will eventually start to become ashamed of his actions and will be embarrased to see you and the family. This is okay, it's part of his recovery. Little by little he will allow you to see him. Don't get angry, this fine to. When you do see him, be totally upbeat, you have to no matter how hurt or sad you are. Be strong and happy infront of him, the go to your car and have a cry, that's what i did.

You must not feel guilty. My daughter and i were close to, but sh*t happens. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong friends (so called) bam, it just gets out of control.

The only advice i can give you is to always have your boys back. Be there when and if he needs you. Do not lecture or push him for information, do not ask questions about his addiction unless he brings it up first. Do not degrade or embarrass him and never ever ask him "why"

Should he decide to have aftercare, which he will need anyway, all your concerns will be met with the help of a counselor. There may be certain sessions that will call for mom/dad to attend, make sure you go.

Be vigilant and aware of his surroundings and always keep one eye open.

Watch for signs that may indicate a relapse, God forbid, i know, but you must stay tuned at all times.

You will survive, i promise. I am living proof. I may be tired but i can look at my girl today and see beautiful proof that with my constant love and

support she came back to me, 5 months clean and sober. The only reminder i see physically on her are the scars on her hands and arms from the needles. But she is alive and beautiful. I thank God above every single day that i don't have to visit her in the cemetary. I thought for sure that day was going to come.

So, love him and hold him and just be "mom". Promise him that you are there for him, never turn your back. Hold his hand and walk with him on his long road to recovery. He loves you, but right now he is having his own issues to deal with, and he probably can't stand himself at this point.

One day your beautiful boy will stand in front of you again, happy healthy and very much alive. And he will say, thank you mom, i love you.
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bbfeet9 wrote:

Guest wrote:

My 17 year old son is in detox for opiate withdrawl. I feel so sad that he has this to go through, I also feel guilty as hell and wish I had done something different, better so this wouldn't have happened. I have always loved and supported my son and am not sure why he resorted to opiates. Though as an addict/alcoholic who has been in recovery for 24 years I should have some understanding. Maybe that is worse because I feel his pain and mourn for him. What I am wondering is how can I help him. It seems like whatever I say is the wrong thing. Though we have always been close he doesn't want me around and whatever I say upsets him. He just finished detox and is going into a 25 day intensive inpatient program.
Maybe I should let him call all the shots, if he wants me to visit I will and if not I won't. I will try not to look so hurt and sad when I see him.



Go ahead and feel sad, but don't feel guilty. It doesn't matter what you could have done, he was probably going to do it anyway. Trust me, been there, still there.
I wouldn't mourn him, i would embrace him, he is not dead, he is actually being reborn. You are right when you say that everything you say to him is the wrong thing. They don't want to hear anything worthwhile at this point. If he just finished detox, he is still in a lot of pain and i mean physical as well as mental. How long was his detoxifacation plan?
It is a long process, i know, i am going thru the same thing with my daughter. She was a addict and a junkie. Pot, X, vicodin, cocaine, oxycontin, the list is endless, until her drug of choice was IV Heroin. This went on since she was a teenager, she is now 27.
And yes, let him call ALL the shots for now. Don't visit if he doesn't want to see you. I know in our case, she was not allowed to have any visitors at all. I was allowed to drop things off for her, but never could see her.
Don't beg him for a visit. He will eventually start to become ashamed of his actions and will be embarrased to see you and the family. This is okay, it's part of his recovery. Little by little he will allow you to see him. Don't get angry, this fine to. When you do see him, be totally upbeat, you have to no matter how hurt or sad you are. Be strong and happy infront of him, the go to your car and have a cry, that's what i did.
You must not feel guilty. My daughter and i were close to, but sh*t happens. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong friends (so called) bam, it just gets out of control.
The only advice i can give you is to always have your boys back. Be there when and if he needs you. Do not lecture or push him for information, do not ask questions about his addiction unless he brings it up first. Do not degrade or embarrass him and never ever ask him "why"
Should he decide to have aftercare, which he will need anyway, all your concerns will be met with the help of a counselor. There may be certain sessions that will call for mom/dad to attend, make sure you go.
Be vigilant and aware of his surroundings and always keep one eye open.
Watch for signs that may indicate a relapse, God forbid, i know, but you must stay tuned at all times.
You will survive, i promise. I am living proof. I may be tired but i can look at my girl today and see beautiful proof that with my constant love and
support she came back to me, 5 months clean and sober. The only reminder i see physically on her are the scars on her hands and arms from the needles. But she is alive and beautiful. I thank God above every single day that i don't have to visit her in the cemetary. I thought for sure that day was going to come.
So, love him and hold him and just be "mom". Promise him that you are there for him, never turn your back. Hold his hand and walk with him on his long road to recovery. He loves you, but right now he is having his own issues to deal with, and he probably can't stand himself at this point.
One day your beautiful boy will stand in front of you again, happy healthy and very much alive. And he will say, thank you mom, i love you.


Did you ever go to a codependency group or treatment like Al-Anon? I think for alot of family member of drug addicts, this is one of the few, if not the only tool you have to influence the addict.
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