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is there anyone who cud help me out on how to deal w/ alcoholic husband? Our family relationship suffers so much even our married life. Too bad i wasn;t there on his side to take care of him because he's in the US and im in my country. what are the worst and best things to do before its too late. thabks

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Encourage him to get help, attend AA....your in a tough spot. The alcoholic person wont change until they are ready, until they hit their "bottom." Dont force him, threaten him with leaving him, these things will do no good. It has to come from inside him to want to stop drinking, and no matter how much you love him, you cant want his sobriety for him. On the other hand you cant enable him either, which means you have to have your boundaries of not tolerating the behaviour. If they have Al-anon in your country I would suggest you check that out, you will learn alot from people who have been where you are and they will also support you emotionally.
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thank you so much lisa for your reply. This is one hell of a bg problem to me. I don't believe her in our country. They're not supportive and effective in helping alcoholic,drug addicts to change and live a normal life again. My support for my husband is still there, wish i could be with my husband all the time.
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When I eventually reallised I must give up alcohol for good or die, my wife was very supportive which was a great help during this frightening period. First of all your husband must have a desire to stop drinking, then have the desire to never drink again. As an alcoholic, even if he had a couple of beers after a year or so, it would be enough to kick start him into even worse addiction. Achohol addiction is a progressive illness and returning to alcohol gets worse.

Find out if he has a desire to stop drinking. If so you can give him the support he needs. Withdrawal can be nauseating and painful. Cutting down is no good, he must stop. Knowing that you are with him in this battle will give him assurance. Remind him he is doing this for himself, not for you. It is important that he starts to love and respect himself, after all if he died, everything else would be irrellevant.

It took me a long time to accept that I could never drink again, but once I did, the battle was over. I have been sober for over 12 years now and during that time my life has improved 500%. Most alcoholics have some very good positive strong points, and all of these will come to the fore as they gradually begin to appreciate life in the sober lane.

I miss drinking about as much as one might miss cancer. Believe me, life is better without either.

Good luck to both of you.
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i appreciate very much your inspiring words. this actually scares me because ive asked him several times if he can quit from drinking, he said yes. it seems clear to me that its all but a big fat lie. we are 2 worlds apart because he has work in Alaska and im here in Manila to take care of our only son.

I'm proud of you. You're so brave. Wish my husband would do the same thing. t

thanks
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:( My Husband is an alcholic and I live each day in fear that something terrible will happen to him with respect to his health. I am supportive, but it is extremely hard for myself and the family to live with. his moods are terrible when after he drinks and he is really quite paranoid most of the time. He wont get help and no matter how much I try to approach the matter in a gentle way he just doesn't listen. He has started to bleed from his back passage now and I don't know if this is related to the alcohole and its effects. I find it hard to gain knowledge that I feel would help me, because he won't get help I have not got the oppotunity to speak with a specialist or anyone who can give me an idea of what to look out for with his health. What are the danger signs?

Yours truly
a desperate wife who is still so much in love with her man.
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I come from an alcoholic familey and watched my uncle basically kill himself with the alchohol.He first started to get nose bleeds then he started bleeding when he would urinate and then he started bleeding from the bowl during going to the bathroom and then when in bed asleep.We was told his liver was gone due to the alchohol.He died a year later.If this has just started get him to a doctor and get him help now or you're going to lose him...
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I can feel your pain. I too have an alcoholic husband and have tried everythng. I have been told that tough love is one way to handle it. My husband hit rock bottom by going out and spending the bill money on crack cocaine. he has never done that before. He quit drinking for about 2 months and then went back to it. It's really hard to deal with it when you love him. I keep thinking that he will stop one day. I have the bunt of his jokes and his nasty mouth......I refuse to deal with it anymore.....
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I know what you are going through. My fancee' is a alcoholic and he broke my right ring finger. I had to have surgery and now I can't go back to work for 6 weeks. He is also cheating on me with some girl from high school. i say get out of the relationship before it happens to you.
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LEAVE - IT IS DIFFICULT AND TRAUMATIC - UNLESS WE WANT TO BE HELPED WE WILL NOT ASK FOR IT, GET IT, OR HELP OURSELVES. I GOT SO DOWN I LIVED WITH A DRUG ADDICT FOR 6 YEARS THAT DRAGGED ME EVEN FURTHER, AND I AM STILL LIVING WITH TRYING TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE - I HAD 2 TOKES THE WHOLE OF MY LIFE AND I WAS SICK, I HATE THE SMELL OF IT, I HATE WHAT IT DOES TO FAMILIES AND FRIENDS, THE MORE YOU ASK THEM TO STOP THE MORE THEY DO IT - DOPE IS THE WORST, COMBINED WITH ALCOHOL IS LETHAL.
I HAVE BEEN STRANGLED, KNIFED, KICKED, PUNCHED, BEATEN, THROWN AROUND, MY CATS KILLED, THROWN OUT OF MY HOUSE - THE LIST GOES ON, THANK GOD NO CHILDREN WERE INVOLVED - IF THEY ARE IN YOURS - PLEASE LEAVE
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well i really dont know if my husband is an alcoholic or not.but when he drinks ,its something else .he drinks a beer or two every day.and when we r with his family he drinks until he cant drink no more.thats when the problems start. like this eve. my kids made a bid with him , he could not drink and they could not play video games . they lost ,ok so he said to them you guys have to pay now .they had to go around the house only in underware one of them said no i dont want to do it,then my husband start telling him u have to be a man and keep your word ,he was drunk at this point.so he keeps telling him the same thing my 8/ year old left and starts saying i wish you were not my father .so i when to talk to my husband about it biggg mistake because you will never win when it comes to talk about a problem with a drunk person. we end up bad .and when i say bad i was mike tyson i bit his ear.thanks god the the kids at this point were sleeping.its so sad because we never fihtg when he is sober he the most loving husband ever, i really dont know what to do............
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im in the same situation ive been with the same person for 5 years and we are in our late 20's but my fiance has a biggg problem hes gotten dui, car accident,went to jail 2 times and is very vilolent when hes drunk. hes punched me in my face and has beantin up a couple of friends of ours and i dont know how much more i can take! he went to AA and i sat right beside him to give him support!and he stoped for a good 2 years but now that we have gotten a new place he started to drink again its not more money its the same money we have always paid and the couple that lives with us her husband drinks every weekend and so he has started to drink with him everywekend. He also has started to lie to me alot about the alcohol and stupied petty other stuff i feel like i have a kid and ive told him if u dont stop im leaving and i feel like i want to and my heart pulls me back cause i ove him??? what is wrong with me????when hes not drinking he treats me like a queen what do i do?? im sooo confused? please help
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Dealing with an alcoholic: Always remember that is probably one of the more if not most important things on their mind and the one thing they are constantly trying to hide because generally they are in denial. When they first start to drink they become bold. They are right and everyone is wrong and yet they have no problem. They will try and argue or fight about the least insignificant matter with anyone who they believe is not in support of their problem they are in denial of. Keep this in mind. Excuse yourself - and make your time count for you cannot change them but you need to maintain and improve your life because the need is prevalent. That is one approach in dealing with an alcoholic. Remember God is in control and eventually if they continue to drink they will more than likely self-destruct. Then you will have the added responsibility they could not deal with because of their drinking problem.
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My husband has cirrhosis of the liver due to alcohol abuse. He stopped drinking for a year but had a relapse in July. Since then he started his old tendancies of hiding alcohol around the house, lying. He started going to AA meetings and next week he's suppose to start intensive outpatient treatment. He seems very angry right now. I don't know if it's because he can't drink or what. All I know is that if he does continue drinking, he'll be dead within a couple of years. Does anybody have advice for me on how I should be handling this?
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