This may be long sorry...Im out of ideas. Im 32yrfemale w 3kids and my bf is losing his fight to be sober and clean off opiates. After a year of him trying to keep his habit a secret, he finally tells me 7mo ago he is addicted to opanas perks and said he worried he was gonna lose everything(he has a small business he used to proudly maintain and was on his way to being financial stable and happy)and his pills had cost him so much of his hard earned savings in 5or6months that he ended up letting go of his crew of workers(2guys) and was faced with having to be the laborer,boss,book keeper, and it was more than he could could deal with being 1man when it used to be 3men or 2men working. Well his business is seasonal landscaping in sring summer. leaf removal cleanup and winter ready for plowing in the winter...last year winter never really came like always with plenty of snow to plow and that was really difficult for us. losing close to 12.000 by the time spring got here he had a major depression and drug problem too. He decided last spring that our newborn baby deserved him sober so we attended a 3day intensive detox,Eagle Institute Michigan. It was bad enough to watch as we attempted two or so at home detoxing efforts. He never cud stick w it and needed to work to make our income but needed to use to work. It took two months and me threatening to leave him unless he attended rehab. It was expensive and it was an experience we both should never forget,still once back home and three weeks after his last dose of Naltrexone,he refused to take anymore and started using again. Only he was broke and opana isnt cheap on the street,all his pills were fromt he street-not prescribed to him. Ultimately, one of his opana suppliers was "kind enough" to get him something cheaper and ended up handing him a heroin addiction.
He isnt a shooter or smoker, his mode of transmission is snorting. To each addict their own method serves them best. He was not able to conceal his using but what he was using was something he knew I had zero tolerance for after my past expeirences with it. H what a b***h she is. Tricky b***h that refuses to silnce her hunger and will use every method and plot any means to make the user her slave and provider of her heroin. Anyways for four months I was refusing to let up, i knew he wasnt sober and he was too hooked to see how much pain and saddness his cycles of using lying about using and periods of withdraw between usage. He wasnt himself to me or family but he swore everyone was stuck on him going to rehab and would never let him be anything in their eyes but a user.
That brings me to last week, i walked into our bathroom and he was sitting on the floor with his hand closed and trying to hide whatever he had in it. I got this sick and scary feeling inmy stomach and ended up refusing to let him deny he had something in his hand, we wrestled over it he didnt want me to see it and i managed to get it from him. Thinking I would open the envelope he had and there be pills broken up or crushed to snort...it was heroin. I was baffled and stunned. I know what H does and I left the first man i loved 2daysfollowing his telling me and that was after 5yrs together. I knew he knew there was a chance I would leave him too,but this time I couldnt not with him. I wanted to be strong for him and walk him thru the recovery he faced if choosing to,if not Id leave. He and I came up with a plan to recover...taper for a week and detox with xanax immodium valerian and vitamins. Well its was his last day for using any on friday,oddly enough i expected to endure w him the type of things detox and wd was in his past attempts. But by saturday morning I was worried about why he wasnt showing detox symptoms like usual. He then pulled his usual past sh*t about he needs to work and flys out the door on a seconds notice,is unreachable from 1pm till 830pm when he gets in and isnt showing withdraws still but isnt admitting to using and swore he hadnt. He took some xanax and fell asleep, so i needed to know for myself whether or not he so much as tried to call his dealers...look at his phone and yep as soon as he left saturday around luch to work he was on the phone to his connections. But when i asked about it sunday morning he said he was tempted but not able to hook up. He never has any trouble hooking up when he is looking, and still not a withdraw like expected but after being asleep for 6hours he began sweating profusely and kept getting up and going to the bathroom repeatedly running the water whille he was in their and came back to bed and fell asleep till about 6-7hours later sunday after noon. He said he didnt feel good and was trying to convince me he was suffering wd but i wasnt buying it. He went to work and was MIA from 1pm till 830pm but swore he didnt use. I wasnt stupid but didnt wanna condem him over past failures.
How do i know if he is really sticking to the plan we made to be clean. What do I need to look for if I wanna know if he is high or was hours ago and needs more from withdraw signs.
I dont wanna give up yet he and i should beat this together...I am 12yrs clean off crystal and I was able to because of the people I got help thru and the fact that they too were former users. When do I finally walk away? How can he get thru this we still have 6months of naltrexone he didnt take as told by rehab doc. Is he able to take it now,even if he hasnt taken it since a week after his IM dose in july? I need to know what and how to help him, he has no drive or motivation for living most days if he doesnt use and its very discouraging to him to see what he put our family thru and how much he is losing to this demonic tricky b***h called addiction...if you made if this far thanks for reading any advice is welcome/.
and here we are a month later and he lays in bed detoxing after a moonth long claim that he wasnt and I was crazy. Anyways i know more now than i did and mostly due to this site. I really found the info and stories of others in my position to open my eyes to the true nature of this heroin use turned into an addiction in my loved one. Tell people in need of help about this site it may save them or help them see they cant save someone who is dragging them along their own way down. Thanks alot to everyone that has offered posted or shared any of the personal experiences advice and struggle with heroin here.