Okay, I have a problem. Addicted to the booze. everytime I try and stop I get palpatations. Tearful, suicidal,
I really dont know why I drink. I have many excuses, but none that weigh up my behaviour or explain why I would want to do this whenI have 2 gorgeous young funny intelligent little girls.
I was sent home from work today as I stank. Every Sunday though I get so nervous. Every Sunday I cant relax ( well thats most nights) I get jittery and fear the week ahead.
Due to my behaviour I feel ashamed. I dont know anyone else who is like me. Its isolating and lonely. I am too scared to go to an AA group I am scared of meeting others who may be worse or whomay drink for other reasons and fear that they may harm me or my family.
I am in a panic about it all. I know deep down I want to stop it. I am scared. I am scared that I will never get over this. I want to. I want my children to have the best . Not the worst. But I panic. I cry, I get angry with them for not doing what they have been asked to do. Then I get upset at them and cry some more. I get told off for shouting at them , yet taking things away from them seems to have no results either. Anyway, my main concern is to stop with the panic. Sometimes I feel like I cant breathe, sometimes I feel like someone has tried to push a melon down my throat , I cant swallow.
I have been told that it seems more than likely that I have GAD ( whatever it is0 its just my personality.When psychs wrote about anxious abivalent they forgot to mention the passive ADHD sufferers. Grrr!
At work I feel like , well like I am worthless. Ive always felt this way in the workplace and I know that caused my drinking to worsen. I knew at Uni that I used the old alcohol for stress relief. I was most stressed out when watching my grandad pass away and drank a fair bit then . Mind you I also did not eat anything then either. Once the stress was away ( god thats badkly put) I stopped. I didnt want to be like that . I was controlled/disciplined. But then something else triggers it , and I am off. I am off ( as I so put it) for long periods and its destroying my life.
Will I ever be able to llive a less fearful; and anxt life? Or am I going to be miserable forever?????
Its more complicated too ( oh here I go) overfill with the ewxcuses. ( Sorry, I meant overkill. But I have been told that I am in a domestic relationship ( or something0 and yes, I would agree, but then there is only one kind of marital relationship I know and that is this one.
I have to stop drinking, but life seems so boring even ( dare I say so) and paniful without it. Will I ever be able to drink again? how long does it take or is it true one an alcoholic always an alcoholic? Thats depressing!!!!
I really dont know why I drink. I have many excuses, but none that weigh up my behaviour or explain why I would want to do this whenI have 2 gorgeous young funny intelligent little girls.
I was sent home from work today as I stank. Every Sunday though I get so nervous. Every Sunday I cant relax ( well thats most nights) I get jittery and fear the week ahead.
Due to my behaviour I feel ashamed. I dont know anyone else who is like me. Its isolating and lonely. I am too scared to go to an AA group I am scared of meeting others who may be worse or whomay drink for other reasons and fear that they may harm me or my family.
I am in a panic about it all. I know deep down I want to stop it. I am scared. I am scared that I will never get over this. I want to. I want my children to have the best . Not the worst. But I panic. I cry, I get angry with them for not doing what they have been asked to do. Then I get upset at them and cry some more. I get told off for shouting at them , yet taking things away from them seems to have no results either. Anyway, my main concern is to stop with the panic. Sometimes I feel like I cant breathe, sometimes I feel like someone has tried to push a melon down my throat , I cant swallow.
I have been told that it seems more than likely that I have GAD ( whatever it is0 its just my personality.When psychs wrote about anxious abivalent they forgot to mention the passive ADHD sufferers. Grrr!
At work I feel like , well like I am worthless. Ive always felt this way in the workplace and I know that caused my drinking to worsen. I knew at Uni that I used the old alcohol for stress relief. I was most stressed out when watching my grandad pass away and drank a fair bit then . Mind you I also did not eat anything then either. Once the stress was away ( god thats badkly put) I stopped. I didnt want to be like that . I was controlled/disciplined. But then something else triggers it , and I am off. I am off ( as I so put it) for long periods and its destroying my life.
Will I ever be able to llive a less fearful; and anxt life? Or am I going to be miserable forever?????
Its more complicated too ( oh here I go) overfill with the ewxcuses. ( Sorry, I meant overkill. But I have been told that I am in a domestic relationship ( or something0 and yes, I would agree, but then there is only one kind of marital relationship I know and that is this one.
I have to stop drinking, but life seems so boring even ( dare I say so) and paniful without it. Will I ever be able to drink again? how long does it take or is it true one an alcoholic always an alcoholic? Thats depressing!!!!
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