Hello All--I am new here so be gentle ;)
I am a 31 year old momma to one beautiful, exhausting, amazing 2 and a half year old princess ;)
Backstory--I have never been "regular" and was actually quite "slim" most of my life. When I got engaged in 2006, I went to a new doctor who stated my method of birth control--ortho-tricycliene-- (which I had been on since 16, was 23 at the time of the visit) was "antiquated" and too high a dose of hormones and she made the choice/railroaded me into switching to the nuva-ring. I started the nuva ring weighing 125 lbs and had had the final fitting for my wedding dress. In the first month on the nuva-ring, I gained 30 pounds....walking down the ise at 155.
In the months that followed, I continued to rapidly gain weight and began experiencing debilitating migraines. After feeling like a crazy person, I went to Dr. after Dr. until I found a great OBGYN that FINALLY listened to me. After a lot of tests and observations, he diagnosed me with PCOS. I had never heard of it....started doing research and was devastated. My OBGYN was awesome though and referred me to an amazing neurologist who got the migraines under control and with the help of my OBGYN, we also got the hormones to level out and I even lost weight--still much heavier than I was used to, but at 5'4" 150....I was starting to feel more "normal."
Fast forward a couple years...my husband and I decided we were ready to start our family. With the PCOS and control being maintained via birth control, obviously conception was an issue. We went through 3 and a half years of fertility treatments, mostly clomid, in which I gained 60 pounds. After those 3 and a half unsuccessful, heartbreaking years and a cross country transfer (my hubby is in the Navy) we decided to put kids on the back burner--a kind of let go and let God sort of thing. I stayed off my birthcontrol and just tried to focus on getting healthy and healing my body through diet and exercise. During my husband's first deployment on the west coast, I lost about 40 pounds--he didn't even recognize me at the pier the first time he came home! I was still way heavier than I wanted to be but was starting to feel more like myself again.
Another year without a baby passed and we considered going back to fertility treatments, but I could not go through the heartbreak again. At this pont we had been married a long time without kids and decided.... we were done trying. We got a puppy, I started decideing what cosmetic surgeries I wanted to have consults for once I hit my goal weight, and we started planning vacations with all the money we had saved in anticpation of children. If I wasnt going to be a momma....I was going to be a jet-setting Barbie. We decided that with all my hormonal issues, my husband would get a vasectomy to avoid me going into hormonal ctazy town yet again.....we just hadn't scheduled anything.
I got deep in to the Paleo diet and crossfit world and was honestly in the best shape of my life. I felt amazing--and best of all--I was on ZERO medications.....
Then one day....it all changed.
My husband figured it out before me....we were pregnant!!
Scared--thrown off--life changing--paradigm shifting terrified--but thrilled.
I had a text book, best case scenario, perfect pregnancy, delivered naturally at 39 weeks, no epidural, and labor was QUICK--water broke at 5:35 pm, a 30 minute drive to the hospital, and my daughter was on my chest at 7:08pm...life was perfect!
I had only gained 18 pounds in my pregnancy and was very active. All my baby weight was gone 3 weeks postpartum and the future was bright and shiny.
Then….post partum depression kicked in. I lost my amazing job. I had breastfeeding supply issues…..so my lactation consultant put me on reglan (aka the drug of the devil in my book) without going over all the side effects with me. I know, I know, I’m an educated grown up, but I was desperate to breastfeed my little baby and didn't do my due-diligence.
The reglan multiplied the depression issues 10 fold, I started gaining weight like a fiend, and for the first time in my life I began experiencing severe anxiety issues. On top of this, I was staying home with my little one, babysitting another, even younger little one, we were preparing for yet another cross country transfer, and selling our house all at the same time. Our marriage changed. Our stress increased. We were first time parents so very far away from family to help with the transition. I felt like I was slipping into a black hole with no escape.
The transfer happened. I saw it as a chance for a new start. I tried getting back into my Paleo and intense workout ways, going back to school online (to get the credentials to transfer my existing career skills into a new more stable field) and just be a momma to my little one. But, the depression worsened, the anxiety increased, and I became overwhelmed by the smallest things. I decided to talk to my Dr. He put me on Zoloft daly and klonopin (as needed for anxiety attacks). I did begin to see improvement in my mood and outlook, but still continued to lack motivation and continued to gain weight.
On top of that, I began experiencing debilitating pain that at first seemed like it was coming out of nowhere, but after observing myself for a few months, I began to realize I was becoming somewhat “regular” and it was related to my cycle. I also have noticed drastic changes in my mood--I feel like a straight up crazy person when it comes to about 2 weeks before an anticipated period. Not just PMS….but like the world is ending, feeling suicidal, thinking my marriage is ending, packing up and running away, crying all the time type crazy. After talking to my mother about all this in recent months, she decided to tell me that she had endometriosis and had undergone a hysterectomy at 32. She said her hysterectomy was the best thing that she had done for her mental and physical well-being. That would have been nice to know years ago….but it is what it is.
All that said--and sorry it is so long--I have been tracking my symptoms and have “self diagnosed” PMDD and endometriosis. I feel like the descriptions were written about me! The pain and despair and weight gain continue to get worse month to month. I recently talked to my doctor about my mother's case and asked to pursue the possibility of a hysterectomy--we are done having children, my husband had a vasectomy shortly after the birth of our daughter--so fertility is not an issue for me. I have an ultrasound and consult with the OB specialists at our hospital later this month. My Dr. is trying to guide me more towards the Mirena IUD instead of surgery but is willing to support surgery if the consult with OB and the ultrasound support the diagnosis of endometriosis. I…..I have never done well with hormonal birth control...it always seems to be a gateway to open up my crazy and start the path to weight gain. I am a very active person--I’m in the gym 4 days a week or more, I eat very clean, lower carb, higher fat and protein...everything I did before that seemed to fix my body but I am continuing in pain and continuing to gain weight. I am now, sadly, tipping the scales at 193 and on a 5’4” frame….its not pretty y’all
All this novel to ask--
What is your experience?
Anyone with a similar story?
Did you do Mirena--what did it do for you? Weight gain? Loss? Pain reduction? Crazy person reduction? Everything I read about Mirena kinda scares me and to think its going back to hormones….kinda makes me uneasy.
I really think the hysterectomy and just be done with it all...just scared of more weight gain and early menopause.
Really, I want to be done with the crazy, the pain and the weight issues. I want to be healthy and clear headed and not sad and anxious and in constant brain fog, fatigue, pain and persistent weight gain.
Did anyone get a hysterectomy and quit being crazy, quit being depressed and in pain, and lose weight? I know nothing is a miracle cure and no matter what choice we make I will have a long road in both recovery and weight loss, but I am looking for some hope that it is possible to feel normal again. I want to be a good, active, present mom for my little girl and the wife my hubby fell for instead of the crazy person chubbster I have turned into--seriously--I feel like I'm in here somewhere but that I'm just trapped in someone else's fat body and crazy brain.
What would you do?
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