I have for some time felt the need the urge to do suicide. I at the time only think of myself and have gone so far as to actually walking to the kitchen before I realised it was futile. I fear the pain eath brings but not death. I want to be stronger and not give in. It makes me cry to think how my family would react if they were to find me dead and I just want everything to become better.
AT school I have a lot of pressure to do well, I've taken a full work load and have mulitple extra-curricular activities as well as volunteering for two different places. It's become very difficult to keep up and I always feel like I'm not good enough. I attempt to do work as soon as I get home although tend to procatinate most of the time. This only makes me feel worse.
My parents don't approve of me wanting to do psychology when I grow up, instead want me to do either law or medicine. I'm tired of fighting constantly and trying to convince them. My friends even say that I'm wearing myself thin. I can't help but think that if I did do suicide that I won't have a good enough reason. Most people do it to take control. I am in control of the subjects that I do and activities and some of the choices I make. I just want a way to stop feeling so worthless.
It basically comes back to my procastination, I can deal with my parents (my dad's an ass though). I have to stop procastinating as this is the catalyst. I know that this is ridiculous to think about but I seriously want to get better, I need to. I want to do this for me.
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My advice? Think of the end result of doing your work. Doesn't work? Stick it up where you study to keep your goals in mind. Visualization is key. Also you're a retard if you're thinking of suicide. It's not worth it.
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Agree, it's not worth it. I felt that way too once. Not sure why now, but hang in there because things are bound to get better. Only one way to go from rock bottom, and it sounds like you have a lot of ambition. Share your feelings of ?despair? with as many people that you trust as possible. It is when you reach out that you find how many people truly care for you and are willing to help out. Don't let them believe you are TOO independent, or they will expect you can handle everything on your own all the time, and that gets tough.
Justa Girl
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Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem..I dont know how old you are but you sound quite young. 10 years or even 5 years from now it won't matter what profession your parents wanted you to do. You only have one life and it is up to you to make it a successful and happy one. Do what makes you happy, no one else has to live your life.
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