1 word sums up your life right now and that is - STRESS! A MAJOR Amount of STRESS! So lets address each one on it's own OK?
1. Your mom is fighting cancer!
2. Your parents are fighting - probably about the stress of this illness and ALL that this brings!
3. You have BIG tests coming up!
4. Your friends are hormonal and raging - and basically being irritated teenagers!
5. You have had a big fight with your good friend - probably from ALL the stress you have been under and can't deal with anything else!
6. You feel like you can't go to anyone - as EVERYONE is raging around you
7. You have a creepy ex - who is acting VERY much like other boys and girls your age - lately - and taking things to an extreme!
8. ALL of this stress is making you ill!
For #1 there isn't much you can do about this honey! You have to open and honest with your mom, and have faith in the medical community that they will help her!
For #2 - You need to sit your parents down - when they AREN'T fighting and TELL them straight what ALL of this is doing to you physically and emotionally! OR you can talk to a counsellor at school and have them talk to your parents! Sometimes it takes an outsider to wake up adults - when adults are SO stressed, they sometimes forget to look down and see the people they are REALLY hurting - their children! It's not their fault, they are just as overwhelmed as you! BUT they DO need to know just how much this is affecting you! Most communities have counselling for family members of person attacking cancer! i went to them and they helped me a LOT!
3. Tests are tough ones, and you are DEFINITELY NOT alone with the stress of these! IF you are struggling, you need to reach out for help at school! Tell them the situation at home and have them help you! They ARE there to help YOU succeed! When I was in Highschool - with MAJOR tests! My mum was battling cancer and my best friend was dying from cancer - and I failed ALL my tests! When the teachers brought me up to talk about "WHY I failed BIG TIME?" I told them and ALL of their first words were "You SHOULD have come and talked to us before and we would have helped you" So they allowed me some more time and I took the tests again! So do the same thing OK? IF you aren't open and honest with your teachers, they will see NO reason to intervene!
4. Your friends are being TYPICAL hormonal teenagers, some friendships WILL end, and others will work it out and move on! I STILL have about 9 REALLY good friends from when I was your age - and I'm 46! We would fight, not talk, walk past each other and NOT look etc, then all of a sudden started talking again etc. And I KNOW that myself and my OLD friends will NEVER stop being friends, because we SURVIVED being teenagers and ALL the trials and tribulations that this brings! Honest honey it is TOTALLY normal! Just try and not get involved in individual fights! As sometimes it's "Lets shoot the messenger"!
5. Out of the 9 good friends I still have! 3 of them were my closest buddies when we were younger - I do NOT like the term best friend - as I think ALL of my friends are FANTASTIC and it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship - even for human foibles! - So out of the 3 only 2 I had fights with! My 1 friend we have NEVER fought EVER! And we will NEVER fight! As we are very close in our thoughts etc, she will tell me to "Back off" If I'm coming too close to the line in the sand! My other 2 friends I fought with MANY times - usually over feeling left out, and just plain HORMONES - PMS, pain etc. And just regular hormones - of the males fighting and the girls too! You MIGHT make up you MIGHT not! BUT DON'T push it further! Don't tell other people who LOVE to get "Into it and stir it up" So since she is your good friend just keep it to yourself OK? Even when you have REALLY good friends - it's natural for them to stir things up! ALL animals do it! So keep your feelings and words to yourself - you can vent on here, just not to others - for it to get back ALL twisted!
6. All teenagers get to that point of feeling "Alone" That NO ONE understands you or "GETS" you and that the world is INSANE! It is everything around you - the hormones, the love/hate, the stress, home life etc. BUT you need to know that this is TOTALLY the same for EVERYONE that IS or has EVER been a teenager honey! And it's just how you put it all into perspective! IF you see someone acting out, and you feel the same way then the ONLY difference is you are keeping it to yourself and the other person is letting EVERYONE know it! You can talk to a counsellor, a good friend, or on line or on the phone - like here or IF you have the Kids Help Line !
7. More and more teenagers are doing strange and sometimes violent things! I TRULY believe this is from movies, rap songs, videos, games etc. They are NOT dealing with their emotions AT ALL they are placing it on others - "It's HER fault! It's HIS fault" Etc.! And with ALL the above also going on with them, they NEED control of something! There is no "Kind of" in Stalking - you KNOW he IS stalking you! And this HAS to stop NOW! So talk to your parents, and his parents need to know - from another adult - that their child is RAGING and doing something abnormal! There are MANY young people terrorized and feeling like they CAN'T tell anyone and the problems escalate! So TELL and let adults deal with it OK? It's NOT normal what he is doing! It's a control issue!
8. Stress is one of the WORST things that you can put your body through! It affects your sleep, your focus, your periods, your heart, your skin, your stomach, your bowels, and even your skin! It can make your immune system SO depleated that you pick up ALL bugs! ?All of a sudden you ALWAYS feel like YUCK! It's stress - and lack of good rest - so 1st thing is to purge yourself of ALL of this stress! Get it out! I suggest writing a diary and also telling your parents to start LISTENING to you! Also to learn correct breathing exercises, joining some sort of exercise program - swimming, boxing, running, etc. ANYTHING to have a positive effect on your heart, and for you to work off the stress! Also to start learning to RELAX! This is what I tell my boys! "Get a soft stone or a Rosary or prayer beads etc, and just sit in a cool quiet room - either dark or dimly lit! Sit there and rub the item between your thumb and forefinger! Just breathing and feeling the WHOLE stone! IF something comes into your brain, refocus! Just gently breathing Through your nose and out your mouth! Focus on your heart rate and just listen to the beats, and focus on that, and lowering your heart rate! More and more schools are teaching these focusing techniques - as more teenagers are stressed and their grades suffer! Start getting a good nights sleep, go to bed earlier - this helps your stressed body and mind relax and also get to the point of NOT thinking about "STUFF!"
9. IF you ever feel suicidal GET HELP! And phone a suicidal help line! Suicide! - to a LOT of us - feels like the ONLY option! To STOP pain etc. And it is NOT honey! So you need to get to the point of NOT thinking about this as ending the pain! The pain WILL leave honey I PROMISE! And I am NOT brushing off the thought of suicide! BUT I also know as a mother nothing worse, and I am also friends with several friends who husbands, sons, brothers have committed suicide! And the DEVESTATION of loosing a loved one that way! IT is SO UTTERLY and TOTALLY devastating it is beyond words! And I TRULY think that this form of passing away is the WORST for the survivors! So I understand both sides! I just want you to NEVER get to that point honey!
So start talking and start DEMANDING to be heard OK? And I'm usually on here, so I am available to talk to you at anytime OK? BIG HUGS!
#1 and 2, ive tried telling my parents, but i just dont know what to say, they never seem to believe me :/ i dont know why they just dont, it's allways, oh you'll be fine etc.
#3, i dont know if school know about the situation at home, i think they do but, i wouldnt know who to tell, i mean, i dont think we have a councilor or anything like that :/
#4 my friends, i've tried leaving them to it, walking away and sstuff but i allways end up getting caught in the middle :-(
#5, i have kept it quiet, but the problem is, is he is 20, so with him being so much older i have to be really carefull what i do, with his job and stuff, i know he has to be extra carefull because im classed as a minor and because he is a lifeguard at the pool i swim at it gets dodgy sometimes :s and with him not talking to me, the only time i can talk to him is at swimming :/
#6, dont really want to get conselors involved, that will just wind mum and dad up even more :-(
#7,as for my ex, i've tried telling people, but know one believes me, they say i've got nothing to prove it because he does it on facebook chats and stuff so it clears it or after school when im going home he waits for me to come out of school :/ its really scary, i dont know what he wants me to do :-(
#8, i go swimming 3-4 times a week and i love it when i go, i just forget about everything! its amazing, but then i get home and its back to the arguments and stuff :/ i tend to stay in my room most of the time, away from mum and dad, i cant be doing with the arguments and just find it easier to stay in me room!
#9, i know i need help, i think about suicide most days, and if mum goes then, i wont be able to cope, i cant do it any more the stress is really getting to me :/ i just wish there was a way out </3
how do i contact you? im new to this thing :/
I want to address something here! OK! Who is the 20 year old? Your friend or your ex? Either way that is WAY WAY off base honey! I know you might be mature for your age, but you are 13!! And these people are MEN! And MEN should NOT be messing with teenagers and children - which you still are!
I want you to say "Mom and Dad i REALLY need to talk to you!" And tell them that ALL of this fighting and ALL of the upset you are under is making you think of suicide! NOW if that doesn't get their attention NOTHING will! Even though they are STRESSED out - and I TOTALLY understand how hard this is for them! They STILL are your parents and NEED to know you are worried and are VERY upset! Whem my mom was suffering from cancer - it was really affecting my eldest son and I was SO involved in my own worries etc. I TOTALLY forgot that he would be the same too! So actually it wasn't till a teacher sent me a letter that he was VERY worried and emotional at school , that I realized that he needs my attention too! So your parents aren't really brushing you off, they need to be able to cope with one thing at a time! and they are just fighting because it's OUT of their control! And they CAN'T handle 1 more thing! BUT they too need help - counselling, family support etc, and you need to be able to go to either one on one counselling or children support groups!
IF you school has their own website go on it right now and see what services they offer! And see about counselling! Also if you have a nice teacher you can talk too, talk to them! And ask if there is someone that can help you!? Teachers are a great at spotting problems and can get the right help!
Regarding the stalking, copy the messages immediately and save them on Word! - you can also copy the address! Write down times and dates of when he does the things he does! IF you have a cell phone, when you come around the corner of your school and see him - take a picture of it (it will have the date and time and whereabouts in the actual picture - it's wild actually! You DONT need to do anything, and you will be able to prove it with the pictures and the copies! And then either show your parents - and I understand IF your parents are REALLY stressed, BUT you can also tell your teacher or even the police! EVERYONE now takes stalking VERY VERY seriously and he obviously has a problem! How old his he by the way!?
This 20 year old friend! I want you to listen to me honey, This is NOT correct or right! And he might just be using this to make you come closer there is something VERY VERY wrong that a 20 year old MAN does not have "Friends" of his own and is talking to a minor 7 years younger than himself! Who is still going to middle school, while he has a full time job! Who is still living with her parents, while he should be living at home! and IF is REAL friends would actually know he is "Talking" to a 13 year old CHILD! I would hope that they would run away from him! I am VERY concerned about him honey! So PLEASE keep away OK?
The friends thing I understand - I had 2 groups of friends that HATED each other - still basically do! And let me tell you it was stressful, BUT one day I said to both of them - the groups - " I am friends with you guys and so and so too and I Will NOT be caught in the middle, it's your call IF you guys don't get along but DON'T bring me into this anymore! I have ENOUGH to deal with already OK?"
Do you happen to know what cancer your mom has? You need to know the prognosis of this, and what help there is and to be informed! Parents think that their children don't need to know! That is wrong they DO need to know! I have cancer myself, and I have told my boys straight what I can and can't do! and then they aren't afraid or hear the words on the phone etc. The word CANCER strikes fear into ALL of us! BUT there are SO many types and outcomes and treatments, that Hopefully soon Cancer will be considered a middle health problem and NOT strike fear into people like it has been doing!
and noo thats not what i meant haha, of course he has his own friends, we just dont have many friends in common, just ones around his age and im not that close to them so dont have there numbers and stuff, he only talks to me and knows me as we used to swim at the same club, he is far from dodgy! his friends do know he talks to me, they dont care, they know he isnt dodgy and doesnt want to hurt me, and so do my friends :-) i can promise you there is nothing dodgy about him, he is just a really close friend so i cant promise i'll stay away from him, that wont happen, sorry....
i've just been on the school website and there is no mention of a counselor or anything like that, i dont have any teachers i can trust, they talk about us in the staffroom (we have been told) and what is the teachers says something :/
i've asked my parents to pick me up from a different part off school and so far i havent seen my ex which is good :-) i will defo keep the messages and i'll show mum and dad some other time when their less stressed,
and if i tell hem at times i feel suicidal then they will just say im being stupid! i mean, come on, they'll think its abit far fetched :/
my mum has cancer in the stomache, that's all i know, they wont tell me anymore :/ x
I know you don't trust it right now! BUT sit them down and say to them "Mom and dad, ALL this fighting is REALLY getting to me, I feel sick to my stomach, I am worried SICK about YOU mom, I cry all the time, and sometimes I just want to end my life because I don't see it getting better! And I have NO ONE to talk too about it! And please DON'T think I'm just being over sensitive, I am NOT! You guys HAVE to hear yourselves and also that mom is sick and I am WORRIED sick about that too! So PLEASE STOP the fighting! I just can't handle it anymore!" As I said to you honey, they are SO wrapped up in the stress and being frightened they are taking it out on each other, and NOT seeing the big picture! Also you could write them a letter stating ALL that you feel! Even print out what you first wrote! And say "This is what I wrote to a health help line, because I had NO ONE else to talk too!" They need to know that you are reaching out to strangers! I truly think this will help honey!
and i dont know if it them causing the most stress or everything else :/ i mean mum cant help the cancer and then the arguing just happens, i've told them loads of times to just shut up but they just ignore me, and tonight i tried to talk to them and they just totaly ignored me and pretended i wasnt there, i said there names loads of times and said it was important but got this response '***we are busy, go upstairs and do your homework!' the stars are my name :-P i had allready dun my hw and they just said well go and watch tv.
they arent listneing to me, unless its me going into the kitchen, then magically they start listaning and i end up doing looads of stuff :/
also with dad going to work and stuff, mum has to take me to school and she wont get up in a morning because she cant, so i end up being late like everyday :/ and then there is this boy who is 17 and i really really like him :/ arghh its so stressful i hate it! why does it have to be me and my family :'(
Get better! Love, Abby R. A
Regarding your step dad! He can NOT expect a young girl who has been through a traumatic experience to be all HAPPY etc! So I want you to talk to your mom ALONE and tell her how he makes you feel! IF she isn't listening, then you need to talk to another adult int he family and see if you can live there! I just want you to know there are MANY options for you honey, and even IF you are still a child, you have already been through ADULT things! And do NOT deserve to be treated like this!
I know you feel alone honey, many of us do! BUT you are not, as I said before I am usually on here so ANY time you want to talk or IF I can help you in ANYWAY I WILL OK?! So start talking honey and DEFINITELY go and see the doctor about your feelings and the meds!
Wassup! I am NOT excusing your parents behaviour BUT they are going through HELL right now and fighting is them releasing their pressures! IF I was you I would print out our conversations and show them! and I DID get your seperate email! BUT I think it's beneficial for others to see this too!
What I get from what your parents are saying is this "Right NOW we can't deal with ONE MORE thing and PLEASE go to your room, we CAN'T handle you being upset because we don't know what to do?" And they feel helpless - not only with the illness, but the medical stuff, day to day life, each other and the future! You ALL need counselling! Phone your local Cancer Centre or board and ask for help1 They have kids one, family ones, teen ones etc. Even though this is SO hard for you right now, you do need to know that this is normal! It's HELL but it's normal! This does not of course help you! So you need to reach out, and believe me honey your favorite teacher and when you tell her ALL that is going on, she WILL help you and If she tells other teachers it's only for guidance or for help! They will NOT make fun of your honey! They are human beings, parents, daughters, sons, sisters etc. And they will have GREAT sympathy for you and help you If you are struggling with concentration!
As i said about your ex! You need to text him and keep ALL communication with him and frm him and tell him in NO uncertain terms that you will NOT accept this ANYMORE and WILL contact the police IF he contacts you again, or drives where you go to school or live! Stalking is a VERY dangerous! and CAN escalate IF nothing is done!
I STILl do not agree with this 20 year old friend at ALL! BUT hopefully you know best about that and IF he tries anything you run!
if they new i was on this website i would be dead! so i cannot print out this convo :/
if i tell the teacher and all the teachers find out then they wil give me wierd looks and stuff on the coridor and i dont want that :/
sometimes i just want to be alone and you cant even sit there listening to music with out the teachers pestering asking whats up and stuff :/
as for the 20 year old, i spoke to one of my friends tonight that knows him, and he is really ill and wont be at work for a few weeks but he didnt know what was wrong with him :/ he most deffinetly wont try anything, firstly he isnt like that! and secondly he will loose his job! i promise you, you dont need to worry, he will not hurt me!
BUT.. all in all lifes not easy..it can really suck..but remember that things happen but they happen for a reason so dont look at the bad side of things no matter how tough things get. Tell your friends to just be quiet for awhile and to fight when your not around..i dont like being in the middle of friends arguing either.
To Wassup! Teachers are ALREADY asking you what's up? they can see you are stressed or something is going on! And they wont be giving you funny looks! My youngest son - whom is disabled - has had MANY challenges in his young life! And ALL the teachers are constantly being informed - by me - what the most recent challenges are! And NOT ONE OF THEM comes up to him and says anything! They will ask him if he needs more time - but THAT is IT! And that's what you need! You NEED them to know you are having a hard time of it right now and IF they feel like having a go at you, they will back off! And also MOST teachers take courses in helping children with stresses etc. So even if you can't talk to any of them, talk to the school nurse! and I am SURE that your school would have some sort of a counsellor - even if it's the nurse etc.
I will NEVER be at ease about the 20 year old thing! Hopefully he is just being platonic and not like OVERLY friendly OK honey! I don't like it! Do you think you think more of it then he? And also WHAT was the argument about? What could a 20 year old be fighting with a 13 year old about? I know you think about this differently! BUT I was the same when my 16 year old was going out with a 21 year old college student! I FREAKED! What would a College WOMAN be doing with a Highschool BOY! Thank GOD it fell apart!
and bambi,, okay, I'll talk to the school nurse, but i just dont want all the teachers knowing :/ and the argument..
basically, his gf was getting wound up that he talked to me soo much, so one night when she was at his and he was asleep, she took his phone got my number and text me telling me to leave him alone, so i went to talk to him the next day or something and he had no idea what she had done, so he phoned her up when he wass with me and had ago at her saying it was really tight to randomly text someone who she dont even know who is 5 years younger than her at like 12 at night, and stuff like that, then a few days later i was chattiing to him on fb but he went to havee a shower and coz he was with his gf she stayed on his fb chatting to me, and he is the only person that knows about my mum, well out of my friends anyway, so before he went to the shower we were talking about it, then the convo carried on (but it was to his gf) and when i found out i went to talk to him and told him straight tha he needed to sort his gf out coz she seriously has a problem with us two and he did do, and now he doesnt talk to me, but i have heard it is because his gf was getting jelous and said he cant talk to me but i dunno if it is true or not, and of course i am thinking about this more than him, because if he is wound up with me then god knows who he will tell about the stuff i have told him, plus i didnt do anything wrong and its upsetting me that he is just ignoring me for no reason :/
and did you ever think there was nothng dodgy going on? haha i mean comeone, i swear nothing dodgy is/was going on between us we are/were just really really good mates and i've known him since i was about 4, parents have got to trust us kids sometimes ecspecially when it comes to relationships i mean come on you were a kid once ;-)