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Hello there... I am a 19 year old High school grad and college student-- and I come here seeking perhaps some peace of mind on a topic of particular importance.

Sex isn't just physical for most people, it is also mental and emotional.. So what do you do when one or more of these components goes haywire? I am on the birth control pill, and I know how it works to prevent ova from maturing and rupturing out of the ovarian follicle. I know that statistically it is 99.9% effective against pregnancy. However, despite using a condom correctly, and being on the pill, I always wind up with severe anxiety over possible pregnancy... to the point where I will have a panic attack. I was this way before i went on the pill as well when he had problems with premature ejaculation.

My fiancé and I have been together a very long time, and I love him more than anything in the world... so naturally, it makes me feel inadequate when I have to say no because I'm afraid of pre cum getting on the condom in the dark, or the condom breaking, or his penis brushing up against my leg--depositing pre cum or even ejaculated sperm cells that would swim up into me.... or even the pill I took being a counterfeit from china and failing as a result.

It is almost to where I am scared out of having sex with the man i plan to spend my life with! He has spoken to me about these anxieties, and reassures me that they are ill founded, and a result of my sex ed program in school. He is more sexually experienced than me, and is more understanding about these fears as a result.

We do want children down the line, but not while we are planning our wedding and trying to save the money to care for one! I feel that we should go by the sex ed program and not have sex until we are married-- where we can take care of a child... and ONLY when we are planning to get pregnant after we're married. To clarify: never have sex even while married unless we are trying to make a baby.

Is it true that you get pregnant the instant you have unprotected sex... even if the man does not ejaculate? Exactly how difficult is it to get pregnant?

Is it also true that the majority of websites and information out there are designed to scare teenagers and young unmarried persons away from having sex?

And if that is true, why then do not these people who are writing all of it think of the horrible long term effects it can have on young people and their sexuality?

I cannot enjoy intercourse or even have an orgasm because of all the anxiety i feel over unplanned pregnancy.

Is this a flaw in the sex education program's "abstinence" curriculum, or is there somethign seriously wrong with me ?


I don't think all the information on the web is designed to scare young people. Some of it may be, but most of it is intended to inform. If it scares you, you should probably avoid it. There are other sources of information, and you can be more selective about which sites on the web you use, avoiding the scary ones and gravitating towards the more informative.

It does sound like your school curriculum is pretty bizarre, but one can't place all of the blame on that. I suspect you have some fears that go back well before you took sex education or became sexually active, and these influenced the way in which you received and interpreted the information you were exposed to.

It is interesting that you used the term "tocophobia" in your post. Tokophobia, or fear of childbirth, is generally considered to be distinct from fear of pregnancy. It isn't clear if your use of the term represents confusion about the technical meaning (many people do confuse them) or confusion about your own feelings. This is an important point to consider. If you fear pregnancy because you fear childbirth, these feelings will probably persist even after you are married and, which is of even greater concern, after you become pregnant.

For these reasons, I would strongly urge you to seek professional counseling immediately.


i learned about this in best way and 100% method to not come out with a big belly it to NOT have sex at all...all other methods are not'll always have the risk..
and no you will not get pregnant the instant you have unprotected might, you might not...people do run the risk though...i know this by experience not by word of mouth...