Hi...I am at my ropes here..I am in so much  pain that it is severely interfering with my life..In 2008 I had a serious MVA causing a spinal contusion, and further exacerbating the cervical stenosis and DDD.  In June, 2008 I had surgery at levels c-5-7 as I was experiencing numbness in both arms with fears of permanent damage..The NS stated it was important to have the surgery asap.  I had the surgery done at one of the top spinal hospitals in the country UPMC and the surgery in terms of structural stability was very successful. 

The rehab was long and stressful..On top of the surgery I also acquired a MRSA infection at the surgical incision,,  I was off work for 2.5  months and probably should have taken a longer time to recuperate..I went back to my full time position, mostly desk and computer work and the arm pain began and progressively has increased to a point where now I am faced with trying to decide whether to suck up the pain or try and seek out more surgery..2 yrs after the surgery I was diagnosed with a herniation at level 4 which is very common with acdf surgery where the level above or below herniates,,

I am at a crossroads in my life..I am 48, married, two daughters 20,16, one in college the other a junior in hs who will also be going to college...I am on strong narcotic medication which thankfully takes the edge off the pain and allows some quality of life, but I worry about long term use and increasing doses. I have tried every nerve pain medication, and alternative therapy on the market..I had a second opinion consult with a NS who basically said I have to live with this..

I have all but given up..All of this has put tremendous stress not only on me but on my family..I feel so unproductive and such a burden..I was playing soccer up until my accident and kept an orderly house..now the house is constantly in disarray except for some days that I have the energy and motivation to do something..Working 40 hrs saps everything and I feel like such a failure in every role..I have worked with a therapist trying to help find some meaning and purpose to motivate my continued living..I am on anti-depressants and anti anxiety pill..I hate all the pills pills pills!

I don;t know what to do..I don't even know if a surgeon will operate but even if they did I am so scared it would be worse than it is now..At least I am mobile..Am I willing to sacrifice mobility for decreased pain..I don't know..I also question my living..but in the end I could not cause even more pain to my family.. there are days when the pain and depression are so bad I think..I can't take it anymore..but i see my kids and family.

I'd really appreciate any feedback..These has been a really bad pain week worst in years..the weather has also been so extreme..60 one day 15 the next...I am just so tired,,,all I want to do is lie on the couch with my heating pad and watch tv and escape...