ok so i seem to have the worse time talking or saying anything to other people, sometimes ill plan out in my head exactly what im gonna say or do and then when the time comes, nothing. i cant seem to get whats in my head to come out of my mouth. when people come try to talk to me i seem to panic, i can feel it in my stomach, i always draw a blank on what to say next. i hate being in crowds of people, i get that feeling in my stomach. i also seem to be really distracted by my thoughts, i lose focus on what im doing and just start thinking of other things, it even keeps me from sleeping. and when i am trying to sleep i seem to have a little different thought patten, i think of things that i have said or done in my past that have nothing to do with the present and really regret it, again brings that feeling in my stomach, even minor things that even if i didnt say or do prolly wouldnt have changed anything, then when i get one of those thoughts i cant seem to let it go. i sleep 5 or 6 hours a night. i am alone most of the day which just seems to fly by, sometimes ill sit down and start thinking and look up and without realizing, 2 or 3 hours will have gone by. during the day i think about family, old friends, life and death, but mostly just trying to figure out why i am here, or what the hell my purpose is, lifes big questions. also i dont know what it is about music but it really seems to relieve those thoughts, well sometimes. sometimes i will wake up in a good mood and sometimes i will wake up depressed, and sometimes angry and i will feel that way all day. most of the time depressed. it is keeping me from having any kind of relationship, holding a steady job, or meeting new friends, the people that i can talk to i have known for over half my life, still wouldnt ever talk to them about my problems though. i am 20 years old, this stuff doesnt happen everyday, mostly days when i feel depressed but no matter what i cant seem to talk to people. i just wanna know what is going on with my head.
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That's the textbook definition of an Anxiety Disorder. You can get help for it to in the form of medication and psychotherapy. You're not that alone in this world thankfully.
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