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I am a 17 year old male and I have Aspergers Syndrome (ASD). I want to have friends and be social but with ASD comes social anxiety. I get extremely nervous when I talk to people because I fear that I will say the wrong word and I feel embarrassed for no reason. I can't even talk to my own dad without getting nervous. I want to have friends and talk and converse, but I can't when I get so nervous I say the wrong word. What can I do to help feel less anxious all the time?

What mental exercises can I do to calm my anxious mind? Does drinking tea help?


I also have ADHD (inattentive). Do people with ADHD get nervous like ones with ASD? Is the combination of ADHD and ASD make me more anxious?


Awareness is the greatest step forward, just watch you don't use the labels that have been placed on you as a shield to hide behind to stop you going forward. If you have not done so the book "Feel the fear and do it anyway" would be a good read. You are at an age where it is trying times for most, finding your place in the world. Part of life is stumbling and falling along the way to eventually find out who you are - less you still living and experiencing life - wont be all falls.They surveyed people and asked them what the biggest attraction was with friends and friends being confident was a quality way down on the list, love has to be earned. 

Bit like a car better to have a car that drives well, good on gas, reliable - starts first time than one that only sounds good.

My girlfriend finds it hard talking to people she has meet for the first time, I said to her as Dale Carnigie said in his book from the 1930's How To Win Friends And Influence People - that most peoples favourite subject is them (Another book I strongly suggest you read) Our friend has a new girlfriend who has been relatively cold in the past, we went to his place and she was there sitting outside with him, I sat down and asked what they had been up to, my mate replied but she just sat there and said nothing - staring from behind her sunglasses, my mate wanted to show me something new on his motorbike in the garage, as we walked to the garage I thought I hope my girlfriend is going to be alright with her.

Couple of minutes later I could hear all this talking, went on for 40 minutes to an hour till we went back over to them. When we jumped in the car to go home I said to my love do you have a new mate. She said yeah when you went away I thought what am I going to do than remembered what you had said to me so I said to her I would like to go on a diet knowing my mates girlfriend was a competitive bodybuilder :)

Most friend's are transient in our lives as in if people look back especially when older like me at 42 they change every 7 to 10 years, I have very few still in my life from 10 years ago, so it doesn't matter if you become tongue tied, let people be your road to growth, good chance you not going to know them later anyway and people dont expect you to be perfect anyway, guarantee its only you thinking that - your own judgments coming back to haunt you. We all hear see and interpret the world differently, and people only do what they value, you will never be valued by people 100% - 100% of the time cause we all value different things that will take top priority at some point - this includes parents. When you realise this you lose the "Starry eye for people" "See they not the end all and be all of life" and this takes a lot of pressure off of having to be perfect around them,***this post is edited by moderator *** *** web addresses not allowed***

I asked a retired priest here in Christchurch New Zealand who was 80 years old what he could some up about life in one sentence from his time on this planet, he replied "We are all flawed" and like the great John Lennon said "You dont need no one telling you who or what you are - you are what you are" .I have experienced that a lot of problems arise when you try to force yourself into certain box's society has come up with that says you must fit in to be a "Whole human being" its BS , in fact usually the opposite "Only dead fish swim with the sea" !

Start with small steps like going for the milk and saying to the shop keeper something frivolous like "Great day out there" etc

Plenty of aerobic exercise first thing in the morning to release those feel good endorphins coupled with a good diet, see how you go for a few months and if not even the slightest improvement your doctor could prescribe you with anti anxiety medication cause you may have a chemical imbalance. Jury still out for me on anti anxiety medication, is how in the past how you have handled yourself caused the chemical imbalance, going forward with a different outlook could change the chemical imbalance. (Depressing - ions through way of depressing thinking instead of + ions from positive thinking - body and mind a container for chemical reactions) Anti anxiety, depression medication viewed by some as a short term "band aid/sticking plaster" approach.   

Finally shallow breathing promotes anxiety, google deep breathing techniques - breath from belly button region.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" :)

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” - Nelson Mandela





You simply may be vitamin D3 deficient.
Have this blood test done, no matter what
anybody says. If low on D3, after a few weeks of treatment,
your problems will vanish.

Best wishes,


Cheers Ali

Yeah OP could very well be deficient in D3 - I feel more at one getting more sun of late. Thanks alot :)