2 hours later
I was seriously wondering whether to post this or not and kept feeling worse and worse. I finally rang NHS Direct on 0845 46 47 and spoke to a nurse there about how i was feeling. I was so scared and at first wouldnt give my address and phone number cus i was terrified that someone might take my son away. After a long chat with them i finally gave my details and they rang my doctors surgery on my behalf. My doctor rang me back within 10 minutes, spoke to me on the phone and then came round to my house. In the mean time i had a massive cry and finally let out all the fear and pain i'd been locking away. It felt so good to have finally told someone, and to find out they werent judging me. My doctor asked me what i wanted to do and i said that i didnt want to put anything else in my body that i just wanted it over and done with asap. He replied that as i had ben 2 days without them that it would probably take another 24-70 hours before i begin to feel better. He said to keep attempting to eat something when i can althought the nausea is making the idea too off putting at the moment and to keep drinking LOADS OF WATER to flush my system and keep me from becoming dehydrated. He has told me to ring him again in the morning and that if i want to i can go into the surgery for a proper chat with him altho at the moment i have said i think i would prefer to stay at home as i dont trust myself yet not to go to the chemist and buy cocodamol over the counter if i leave the house. I am trying to look at my life in terms of days and hours at the moment rather than think of the long term future. I just managed to go make my sona proper tea, which took me ages and i had to sit down to make it as my legs are so weak but i did it! Im gonna put him to bed soon and take a long bath and then hopefully i may get some sleep tonight, although im not expecting to just yet. Tommorrrow i my even go out of the house for a walk round the block to get some fresh air, although only after 1pm as my chemist closes at this time on a Thursday! I desperately want to make this new start for me and my son and although at the moment i am now feeling positive about it i also know that there will be times especially in the middle of the night and tommorrow morning again where i will wish desperately to just give up on the whole thing. For now i am gonna go cuddle up and watch Simpsons with my little boy and tell him how special he is for putting up with Mummy at the moment and how much i love him.
I would love to hear from anyone else in a similar situation, whether u have begun to come off them yet or are still taking the pills. It would be lovely to know im not alone.
Or is that just me trying to justify it??
I woke earlier feeling alot better today. The aches seemed to have gone and i didn't feel so sick. Unfortunately as the day is wearing on the pains are coming back, mainly in my legs. The nausea is also beginnning to return big time too. Unfortunately i dont know now whether feeling better this morning was a natural progression of the withdrawal timeline or if it was simply cause i had put Codeine - no matter how little an amount - back in my system??
I wish there was some way of knowing the answers to my questions. As yet i havent found a website that answers them or even begins to help at all with withdrawal. The only things i have come across state the symptoms of withdrawal - well i know them very well by now lol
I want to know things like:
how long will it feel this way?
Is there anything i can do or take to make it quicker?
Can i take anything else (ie Ibruprofen) to ease the pain?
Are there any support groups in my area?
How did other people who have done this cope?
There doesn't seem to be any help available that actually covers the withdrawal process. Other than the odd site i've found where people have blogged their own experience but all that i have come across have only made one entry for the first day so im still left not knowing if they managed to beat it and how they did etc.
I just can't wait fot thi to be over once and for all. It's getting me so down. I'm fed up of feeling sh*t. Im fed up of not having no energy, wanting to be sick, having runs, feeling so in pain. I'm fed up of the mood swings, one minute i will be cuddled up to my little boy telling him how good he is being and how much i love him, the next he moves or speaks and i nearly bite his head off. I know what i'm doing but im unable to stop myself from doing it.
I really want to hurry up and get to the stage that the pains and sickness are gone so i can get things done around the house. I desperately need to get pots done and to start packing. I move in 22 days and as yet have only packed one box of ornaments! I want to be able to go for a walk to the park or the shops and not worry about where the nearest toilet is or if i will collapse cus the sickness is making me not eat and that in turn has made me so weak i can barely walk around the house. I am desperatley hoping i will be in a fit state soon because we are now on Thursday and my son goes back to school on Monday. I need to be in a fit state to get him there. Im also meant to be back in university at 9am Monday morning. God help me i can barely even put my bin out or get dressed at the moment!
Next weeks just seems so far in the future! Will i even actually make it??
It was easier this afternoon as i spoke to my best friend about how i was feeling. She was really understanding and logical about it all which helped as at the moment i cant really see beyond the pain and shitty feelings.
I didnt bother to ring the doctors back today, they were only open till dinner time anyway. Want to attempt to manage without an appointment until next week once my son is back at school as i dont wanna have a conversation about it while he will be listening. Also wanna wait cus i have been told that i am going to have to have tests done to check if i have damaged my liver and kidneys. Im really scared about the results of those. Desperatley hope there isnt any long term damage.
Gonna go and attempt to watch a film now although i doubt i will get far as my concentration isnt very good at the moment. Really hope i manage to get off to sleep for awhile again soon.
God im so tired and i have run out of things to say on here really but i know that if i stop typing that the only thing left for me to do is try getting back in bed which im really not looking forward to. It wouldnt be so bad if only the pain would stop. I'm really not sure how much longer i can hold out tonight without giving in and taking a tablet. In actual fact i wanna take all 4 that are left and drift into oblivion but i know this wont solve anything long term or even short term really cus it will mean i have to start totally from scratch again tommorrow. It wouldnt be so bad if i knew what i was doing to myself but i dont know if by taking 1 i am easing things enough to help me cope and let me get some sleep or if i am just stretching things out and making it even worse by keeping it in my system longer no matter how small the amount.
I'm pretty disappointed that i have not had any replies on here as i was really hoping that i could speak to someone about their experience but at the same time this makes my blog here the first of its kind (at least as far as ive found) in the fact that i have kept on writing here and been totally honest. I really hope that even though i havent been able to find any answers to my questions as yet that some day this may help someone else going through the same thing. I hope this will show them that they can do it, cus hopefully by then i will be totally clean.
Well i guess thats it for tonight, im just gonna have to go toss, turn and cry and see what the morning brings i suppose! Hopefully tomorrow might be easier. Or is that just wishful thinking?? Surely odds are that one of these days i have to wake up and its over??!!
Withdrawal from codeine typically occurs in 12-24 hours after the last dose. The time it takes for withdrawal to start depends on frequency of use, dosage, as well as body chemistry. Acute withdrawal symptoms peak between 48 and 72 hours, and are generally gone within a week; however, post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) can affect the user for weeks or months afterward. Withdrawal is rarely fatal, and is largely dependent upon the user's health, whereas withdrawal from alcohol or benzodiazepines can easily result in death. Symptoms of withdrawal are listed below:
Involuntary leg/arm movements
All the best to you! And to everyone else suffering from this or other addictions. The hardest part is first, admitting the problem to yourself, and second, admitting it to others. Next, asking for help and saying "this is too much for me". I can't imagine what I would be like if I lived somewhere that codeine was OTC...I think you are all very brave if you can quit knowing that you could walk to the corner pharmacy and buy more!
After this afternoon and evening i was so positive and looking forward to tomorrow thinking i may finally be able to leave the house, get stuff done and most of all spend quality time with my son. Now i feel so disheartened and know im going to be too tired and frustrated again to do owt. Out of the 102 hours since i started this i have only had 8-10 hours sleep in the whole period! This is killing me! I just want to be normal again, whatever that was! I cant even remember what my life was like before it was ruled by tablets! the stomach pains are back now, i dont know whther they are down to the pitiful amount i have managed to eat this week or if they are just another ache, or maybe a bit of both.
I desperately wish i had someone to talk to about this who had already gone through it and come out the other side. Unfortunately the only people i have come into contact with up to now are still in the stage of knowing they are addicted but to scared to begin to do owt about it. I am extremely sure i would still be the same if i could have still been getting my prescriptions filled. Once this is over i know it will have been the best thing i could have ever done for myself and my child but at the moment if i was given the option of carrying on like this or an endless supply of cocodamol so i didnt have to worry about running out id stick with the tablets even knowing the horrible effect they are having on my liver.
I am really scared about the damage i have done to my body from the paracetamol. The maximum daily dose of paracetamol should be 4000mg, i was taking anywhere between 5000mg to 15000mg! That really aint good at all. God until i just worked it out then i hadnt realised how bad it was. Despite how worried i am about it though it isnt enough to make me stop.
The only thing keeping me going is that i dont wanna be dependent, when i was actually taking the tablets regularly i was always in a fit state to look after my son, mainly, i suppose, cus i only took the tablets after he went to bed, but im worried about what the future would hold if i didnt manage to get this sorted now, yeah i might be going through a week or two at the moment where its hard on my parenting abilities but in the end i will be better off for it, i want to kick this now before it causes me problems and makes me unable to be a decent, reliable and responsible parent to my son. Ive also begun to notice how it was affecting my life in other areas. Numerous times myself and my best mate planned our daily activies around my chemist visits, numerous times i have taking my tablets in the evening and been so "out of it" that i was unable to hold a phone conversation with my best mate as i would just "drift off into my own world". It has also affected my ability to get any work done for university as i have had to miss lectures a few times because getting tablets sorted was more important cus of the withdrawal effects and also because i needed to take the tablets each evening once my son fell asleep, this usually left me in no fit state to logically think about my coursework.
God ive made such a bloody mess of everything. I wish so much i had done something about this sooner. I wish it was all over. Once i get through this totally i will never go back i swear it, i will never put myself in a position where i might have to do this again. I will religiously check all medications to make sure there is no codeine in it and will be extremely cautious about any medications i take in future anyway because of the paracetamol abuse and any side effects it may have caused. If i have escaped with my liver and kidneys still intact then i want to keep them that way.
i really want to go to sleep, my body begins to relax when i write on here as it gives me something to focus on but as soon as i leave the computer and attempt to get in bed it all goes wrong again and i get frustrated again. I have tried watching films, reading books(which i normally love), playing computer games, breathing exercises - nothing works. I just end up rolling around on the bed hitting the mattress and pillows and crying with frustration, unable to get comfortable at all. ive tried again tonight to go downstairs and sit on the settee instead but this didnt work either, i just felt really sick and ended up coming back upstairs.
Well i dont think there is really much else i can say! i could probably ramble on for the next few hours till my son wakes but it wont make much sense or be of any importance or use so there isnt any point to it. I might as well attempt to go watch a film and see if i can stay relaxed. Although even the thought of getting back in bed makes me tense up. Well good night and keep your fingers crossed for me that i might actually get some more sleep!!
I really dont know what to do tonight at all im so confused, i have done so well to get down this far. From taking a minimum of 10 tablets a night i have got down to half a tablet but i just cant seem to shake that last half, and i keep having major cravings to just think "sod breaking it in half just take one, one wont hurt!" yet i know in my heart it will. I dont know if i should take the half and just hope it helps for tonight or if i should just attempt to get thru the night without owt. Although i know that a night without anything is going to near on kill me as im hurting enough right now and stupidly exhausted yet no where near falling aslep again if i dont take anything to get rid of pain. I no longer have any nurofen left so i cant even take any of them to try to ease it. I look absolutely terrible, my skin is a mess with spots, my eyes are so dark and got massive bags, ive barely got any colour in my skin, i just look a weird grey colour.
I desperately keep wanting to ring my ex(my sons dad) for a chat as he is the one person in my life who would have a good understanding of what im going through right now as he recently did a 2 week detox from alcohol in hospital. Unfortuantely the story with him is very complicated, because of his violence in the past on alcohol he has been refused contact with our son now for 3 years although i have stayed i touch with him. I have done every thing in my power to make sure he would never be able to attempt to get custody if he should feel like it so he is the one person that i cant tell any of this to cus im terrified of him using it against me. Up until about 4 weeks ago though we were still in contact and still very close and only fell out over a petty argument so im finding it so hard not to chat to him about it and let him reassure me that i can get through it. Its alot worse every night when i start feeling like this, throughout the day i can see what a dumb idea it is but at night when im feeling so sh*t i get so weak and just wanna talk to someone so badly. I normally used to ring my best mate when i began to think about calling him and she would remind me of all the nasty things he had done and make me see how stupid i was being, unfortunately she had a baby 4 weeks ago so now is asleep early every night and i cant ring her to talk me out of it. I know even if i spoke to him that i would never be able to tell him about any of this because of the leverage it would give him which makes it absolutely pointless me calling him cus thats the one thing i wanna be able to chat to him about.
I just wish i could calm myself down enough to fall back to sleep without taking owt and sleep through the night. If i could just sleep all of this wouldnt be anywhere near as bad.
Am i the only person to have ever just stopped taking them and not took owt else either and just dealt with it?? I doubt it but if im not everyone else is obviously keeping quiet!
I still aint took any tablet tonight. Im really trying my hardest to go without all night long. Im so stupidly tired.I got off the computer at 2:15 cus i tried to stand up and i was so shattered my legs went from under me. I climbed in bed and tried breathing techniques (deep in thru nose, out thru mouth), muscle relaxing techniques (tensing every muscle in turn and then relaxing it again), tried cool compress over my eyes, tried 4HEAD stuff that is a natural remedy for headaches across my forehead and back of my neck. Really thought i was getting somewhere cus i was so tired. I think i may have even dozed off for a few minutes but that was it. Now, 50 minutes on, as tired as i still am the aches have returned and yet again i have had to get out of bed to try to regain my sanity, which at the moment i am seriously losing my grip on. Unless you have been through this no one will ever understand how hard it is to be tired yet not sleep. It seems such a simple thing doesnt it?? If your that shattered then go to sleep!!! Yet im yawning my head off and can barely manage to see keyboard or screen but i am totally unable of going to sleep. It is so annoying.
She explained to me exactly what i had been doing to my body by taking the tablets and why i was experiencing each step of the withdrawal so that i could fully understand it. She told me that i was definatley doing the right thing by going through the night without taking anything as every time i kept taking some, even just half a tablet, it was topping my bodies levels back up and carrying it all on which is why i am still having such problems this far in. She explained that over the next 72 hours now (as of the last time i took anything, 3am Saturday morning, 33 hours go) it should get it all out of my system and then will get easier.
She advised me to stop worrying myself over sleeping through the night and just celebrate any amount of sleep i could get. She told me not to try to force my body to sleep as i would get more aggitated. She told me that stodgy carbohydrates are very good for helping the process and also helping to get your body to sleep. She told me to try eating alot of porridge and pasta and said that porridge was best, she also said to make the porridge with quite a bit of sugar and some salt as this would give my liver the energy it needs to fight the toxins in my body. She said to carry on drinking as much water as possible and to make sure that i go to see my doctors on monday for my liver function test.
She advised me that i should definately throw the remaining tablets away or better still flush them down the toilet and said that while ever they are in the house i will find it harder to resist. As yet though i havent been able to make myself do that.
She said after eating the bowl of porridge to get myself wrapped up in a warm blanket along with a hot water bottle and allow myself to relax, that even if i was unable to sleep that the relaxation would help.
I made myself a huge bowl of sugary, salty porridge at 5:15am and sat on the settee wrapped in a blanket listening to music and ate it all. It was the most food i have eaten in nearly 5 weeks (before my withdrawl i had flu) and made me feel extremely full to the point that i did feel a bit sick but also felt strangely better at the same time. I went and crawled into bed and put my electric blanket on full blast, got myself comfy and slept for about an hour until my son came in at 6:30am wanting cartoons putting on downstairs. I told him it was already on the right channel and he left me alone to go watch it. Automatically i went to stretch and get up and then realsied as i tried to sit that i still felt quite relaxed, although very very hot! I turned of the electric blanket and laid on top of the duvet so that i could still feel the heat yet wasnt uncomfortably hot. I fell back to sleep quite quickly nd slept for another 2 hours before waking having a drink and managing to doze back off again. In total i managed to get 5 hours sleep!!! Amazing!! Over the previous 5 days i had only had 12 hours in total and now i had manged 5 just about all in one go! I feel so much better this morning, although still got slight leg pains and stomach is still a bit funny, but my head feels alot clearer and im going to try my hardest to get some more work done on house today and just allow msyelf lots of breaks so if i feel tired i am able to nap. i am going to go make myself another bowl of porridge in a minute and just stick to eating that for the next few days until i have got through the worst.
I am also going to try to get the courage up today to get rid of the remaining tablets. They are doing me no good at all, despite what my brain keeps trying to tell me!, by being in my house.
I just wanted to say that I have found your writing so encouraging. I'm very eager to know how you got on as your last post was 4/3/08 and its now 14th April. I really hope you made it through ok. Would love to hear how you got on. I am just about to start my withdrawals, took my last dose of 75 mg at 3pm. I have a few tablets left and keep thinking, should I just take them before bed and then start tomorrow. But after reading your post I feel determined to go through with it now although like you, I still don't want to throw the last few away (just in case!). I haven't been taking as many as you though, but I take them every 4 hours or sometimes 3 hours and have recently upped my dosage to 75mg. I don't take them through the night but as soon as I get up at 6am. I also have a 1year old boy and a 3 year old boy and I work full time. I am still on prescription for them and I still complain of back pain from a fall I had just over a year ago to get them prescribed repeat. You seem to have really gone through it and I hope you are now free from it all. I am hoping my withdrawal won't be quite as bad because I haven't been taking them for as long or anywhere near as many. Wish me luck!!!
found your posts and just wanted to message you to say good luck and hope you are still doing well.
my husband is currently going through the same thing, he's now on day 12 after almost 14 years of up to 50 nurofen plus per day, so i understand what you're going through. he's had to go for the c.t method as the ibuoprofen in the n+ has done so much damage to his stomach that he was more or less bleeding to death. he spent 5 days in hospital, had a 4 unit blood transfusion, was doped up with diazepam and then left last monday against medical advice! i was a bit concerned that you were thinking about taking ibuprofen for pain relief, please be very careful!!! he saw a drug counsellor today who basically told him that they know nothing about codeine addiction and have no training in OTC drug misuse. he's waited 11 months for that appointment!!!!!! (B.T.W the more !!!! in my post, the more sarcastic and exasperated I'm feeling.)
I'm trying my best to be supportive but all I can do is feed him, keep him clean and warm and try to make him comfortable.
Anyway, he's not very computer literate but he said he didn't mind me writing on his behalf. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and you're in my thoughts.
Good luck and stay strong. xx
Again I appreciate you entries here and I sincerely hope that you are doing well.
Regards Mike H.