Demystifying Your Daughter's Puberty

Girl-Specific Puberty Happenings

Breast growth, something that starts with tiny breast buds that can be sore and tender (if you're a mom, you probably remember!), is usually the very first sign of puberty in girls. Pubic hair, armpit hair, and more body hair may appear either shortly before or after breast buds. Girls will generally get their first period between the ages of 10 and 16, something that's called menarche. If your daughter hasn't started menstruating by age 16, take her to see a good OBGYN — something you should probably do if she has started her period by that time as well. 

A quick note about menstruation. Your daughter, who should definitely know what menstruation is and expect it to happen, may be excited to be moving closer to womanhood. She may also be scared, as well as moody. Many girls prefer pads to tampons, and reusable menstrual cups are an increasingly popular alternative that may reduce menstrual cramps. You can talk to your daughter about her preferences, or leave a variety of options in the bathroom so she can try them out. Since menstruation tends to be irregular in young girls, you'll want to encourage your daughter to carry some spare clothes with her in case she suddenly starts menstruating. Leaking probably will happen at some point, and spare clothes will reduce the embarrassment this will cause her. 

What Will Happen To You?

In Western cultures, puberty is undeniably the time during which that cherished child you've been raising and cuddling starts to detach from her parents in order to move towards independence. As your daughter's sense of self strengthens, along with her interests outside of the family, you may be terrified. Puberty is a huge, life-changing event for the person going through it. Don't deny that it's pretty much the same for you, as the parent.

At the same time, your daughter could be turning into a person who is really quite different to what you were expecting — though you may be extremely proud of her, she has never been as clearly her own person as she is now. 

Tensions can be expected. Some of them will be caused by your own need to hang onto that child of yours, while others will be the result of your daughter's mood swings, general teenage drama, and her process of growing up. Try to enjoy the ride, despite the hurdles. This is a unique time, and how you deal with it will have an impact on your future relationship with your daughter. 

Don't Forget To Connect

Don't forget to truly connect with your daughter during this time. The potential for drama and power struggles is there, but puberty doesn't always make parents feel like they are living a nightmare — some teens and parents really love this time together. Both mothers and fathers can and should seize the opportunity to have those deep conversations about philosophy, relationships, politics... and lots of other things. Travel with your daughter, go shopping, cook together, drive together, or whatever it is you both enjoy doing to truly connect.

When Should You Start Talking About Puberty?

See Also: What Every Teen Wants To Know About Puberty And Sex

Are you not quite there yet? Parents of early elementary kids aren't overdoing things if they start talking about puberty well before they think it will actually happen. As we said, the first signs of puberty can easily make their appearance at age eight. Kids who know what will happen to their bodies won't be terrified when that time comes. The more open you are with your kids before they reach puberty, the more likely it is that they'll keep on having honest conversations about their dreams and fears when they are in the thick of it. It's not too early to talk about the basics of sex and reproduction, so you can take those conversations to the next level during puberty.