More Unhelpful Phrases For Anxiety Sufferers

"Don't you know that you have more chance of being struck by lightning three times in a row than you have of dying in an airplane crash?"

The anxiety sufferer's response: "Great, now I've got to be anxious about lightning..."

Phobias aren't rational. The sufferer knows their phobia isn't rational. So you can quote statistics until you're mauve, it won't make the blind bit of difference to most people with anxiety. You can quote statistics, print reams of text to support your claims, but it will be ineffective until the sufferer has begun the long process of psychological treatment.

Try this instead: Say, "It's okay to feel this way." You won't be feeding their condition. The condition's here to stay until the sufferer seeks professional treatment. By allowing them to embrace their condition, rather than banish it, you help the individual to not feel anxious about their anxiety. This helps.

"You shouldn't sweat the small stuff."

When you suffer anxiety, everything is "big stuff". This attempt to be upbeat and perky is actually dismissive of a problem that is very real and very serious to the individual with anxiety.

Try this instead: If you want to say something upbeat, say, "You've handled this before and you can do it again." Clinical psychologist Scott Bea says that this reassures your friend that you know their suffering is real and helps them overcome their feelings of panic.

"If you think you have problems, wait 'til you hear mine..."

This does nothing for the person with anxiety. It will not help them to hear about your cola addiction, your problems with your mother, or your German Shepherd's bad foot. All this does is make you feel better, and does so at the anxiety sufferer's expense. The anxiety sufferer will feel vulnerable and guilty for having talked to you, and you will feel better for having "put their problems into perspective" and for having dumped your own negative feelings onto someone else.

Instead try this: Say, "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?" We're not therapists, and we're not qualified to give lazy, well-meaning but wide-of-the-mark advice. Instead, show you care; your friend needs support, not judgment.

"Have a drink; take your mind off it."

Alcohol is not a good idea for people with anxiety. Many people with anxiety may self-medicate with alcohol, as alcohol may take the "edge" off anxiety immediately. Over time however, alcohol abuse only increases anxiety.

Try this instead: Say, "How can I help you feel less anxious?" This will show you're there, and want to lighten their load. This will, at least, show you care.

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"You'd feel better if you went vegan/gave up gluten/met Guru Steve/prayed."

People love to evangelise, whether it's about their new diet, their new philosophy, or their new religion. If it's not lacto-free, gluten-free organic Paleo-eating vegans telling you'd be Wonder Woman if you followed the same diet, it's the fire-burning fundie telling you that your illness is a sin-problem. When you suffer anxiety, it seems that everyone knows what you should do.

Try this instead: Just shut up and listen. Seriously.

18% of Americans suffer an anxiety disorder. That makes it the most common type of mental health disorder in the United States.

If you are suffering from an anxiety disorder, speak to your GP or primary care physician who can refer you to a reputable therapist. Alternatively, contact a psychologist who specialises in anxiety disorders. You can find a qualified specialist at the American Psychological Association’s Psychologist Locator (USA) or the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists’ online directory (UK).

And, to those of you who know someone who suffers a chronic anxiety disorder: be supportive, and don't judge.