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my boyfriend just came back from a month vacation and we both want to have sex together for the first time. We both have had sex once before. His was his choice with someone he didn't know; but mine, I was raped. After being raped, my parents found out and grounded me for 3 months. I was pretty much disowned from my family. This new guy and i have been together twice. we dated for 3 months took a break and now have been dating for almost 2 months. I trust him or at least want to but i'm still so scared that he's going to use me just for sex. Should I wait until I know i completely trust him and there's no question in my mind that I want to give something so big up to him, or should I just let myself go and understand that he wouldn't have been dating me and waiting 5 months to have sex with me if he didn't love me and care for me. I know he doesn't care if we have it or not. He's completely alright with waiting for me& he's said it many times. Help! I'm so lost and confused.

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First off, shame on your parents for disowning you over something you had no control over. Thought I'd just put that out there.

Look, your body should be your choice. Explain the situation with your boyfriend; even the rape bit, if you're comforable with it. But whatever you do, do NOT do something you'll regret later. If he's not interested in your feelings, then I suggest you find another boyfriend.
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Please....please...please...if you have not already...please do not have sex with your current boyfriend. First of all...your parent's insensitive and deplorable actions after your attack borders in my opinion...child abuse. Second...you need to heal yourself not only physically but emotionally. Your first experience should be with someone for who you really love and trust...who understands what you have been through and is sensitive in waiting as long as it takes to ensure that your first experience with that special person is right. I know that teenagers don't want to hear that they are too young for sex...but please take it from someone who has been there. When I was your age...I made the decision not to have sex at that age because I was not emotionally ready to handle the consequences. Sex is something that is a wonderful experience...with someone that you love and trust. I know that now...I'm 40. I am not even bringing up the pregnancy or disease issues here that are concerns that you will encounter for the rest of your life. I wish you the best in the future...but at 15 you really need to focus on getting yourself centered. You will have a life time to experience sex...but get yourself help to make sure that in the future...you will have a healthy view of sex and your own sexuality so that when it comes time your first real, healthy sexual experience will be memerable for the right reasons.
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OK first off. wow. your parents made a very bad choice. grounding you for being raped? dont they understand the concept of rape is that its forced sex? I am very sorry for your tragedy and my heart goes out to you in its fullest. Secondly, after being raped it should be understandable by ANYONE that you might not be ready for sex again just yet. Sit him down and talk to him if need be. Tell him your not ready for that step yet and to just give you some time. Lastly. You are still young. i am young myself and im a hypocrite for giving u advice on sex because i am having it and im 16. Please. please. PLEASE. use protection EVERY time. I have had so many times where i was worried/unsure. those 15-45 mins of pleasure are not really worth the weeks and weeks of stress.

Hope this helps!
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ur parents should be ashamed of them self at a time when u needed them to comfort u and tell u it was ok they grounded u and disowned u do they not relize that rape is forced sex u didnt want to be raped how old r u cuz if ur old enough in some state u can move out and chose a family member that was there for u if i were u i would disown ur parents wow ur parent are stupid
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You've got some really good support here on this thread.

Your thoughts on your boyfriend seem very mature and thoughtful. I agree that you should not move forward with sex until or unless you are ready.

If your boyfriend is not willing or able to consider your feelings, then you don't want to be with him. But so far, your description of him makes it sound like he's considerate and not pressuring you.

Wait until you feel it's right, and you're comfortable with your partner.
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Your parent's are utterly and completely WRONG. That isn't something you had control over. Parent's are so screwed up these days.

I was 14 when I lost my virginity. It was to my best friend / boyfriend. I had known him a while before dating him, therefore I completely trusted him.

If you were raped, you may not be emotionally ready. You may feel it now, but afterwards you might think of what happened to you the first time. Just talk to your boyfriend about EXACTLY how you feel. If he really cares about you, he'll listen.
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Due to the fact that you were raped, the last thing in the world you should do right now is enter into a sexual relationship with ANYONE. Your trust and innocence was betrayed not only by the monster that did this to you, but also by your own parents, who should have been your protectors and your confidants. Due to this alone, your judgment may be compromised. Also, there is the fact that you are talking about getting into a physical relationship with an on again, off again boyfriend. Trust me when I say that 2 months here, 3 months there, is not enough time to know a guy you intend to trust with your body. I am not one of those "wait 'til you're married" advocates, but I do believe that when it is right, you will have NO trust issues, you will enter into it with NO reservations, and you will not question your motives or his. When you are able to just go for it because you love him that much, and he has PROVEN that he loves you back, then that is the right time. If you have any doubts, wait.
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6893 posts
If you feel the need to ask that question, my answer is NO!
Don't do it until you believe it's right.

I'm so sorry your family feels the way they do and I hope you have someone for the support you need.
Come back here as often as you want, there are some very good people here to support you.
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Your situation sounds like mine.

My mother "disowned" me for exactly the same reason when I was 15. It's not easy and it's most likely one of the reasons you feel close to your boyfriend now - because you're not getting that support at home. (been there - it's easier to see afterwards, trust me)

First of all, wait until you're 16 anyway, if he loves you, he'll wait.
In the meantime I'd contact some helplines, get yourself some support, most are anonymous. You are not alone in this situation, your parents most likely are shell shocked and don't know what to do about the situation - much like you are most likely going through now. (Being wizer now I can see now that this is why my mother grounded me and blamed me for the attack that also took my virginity, because she felt helpless to protect me and didn't know how else to react.)

Do not let rape ruin sex for you;
don't let it scare you away, or rush you into it.

Take your time, seeing as you're underage it would be best for legal reasons to hold off - you could get him in serious trouble, and you just don't do that to someone you care about. Hold off and talk it through, then get your head straight on what you want and how to deal with what's happened before. If he cares then he'll understand, keep things above clothes - sex isn't the be all and end all of everything, you can still show affection with your clothes on.

If you're even wondering if he's using you for sex - then that is your answer. If he is 100% into you then you wouldn't need to ask that question.

From one who's been there - good luck sweetheart and remember that you are not alone in this, don't let it ruin your future.

xxx
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