1st time sex........burning so bad :(

Since you say that the sensation disappears after one day, that seems to eliminate one of the two possible answers:

Had you had no pain during intercourse, but burning a day or so later, that might be thrush (candida) a common reaction to the PH imbalance between male and female, designed to protect the vagina, but in practice painful and irritating. If you ever experience that, there are simple but tedious medications for that condition.

Sounds more like a friction burn - if you've ever had a friend (or not so friendly person) grab your arm with both wrists, and twist in opposite directions, the resulting 'burn' demonstrates how painful friction can be, and how not to treat your arm (or vagina).

If you are tight (difficult penetration) then this is clearly going to be an issue.

Firstly, and absolutely, you should never have intercourse without arousal, lubricating the vagina with natural fluid. You say you enjoyed it, which would suggest that you were 'wet'.

If it was your experience that you tended not to get sufficiently aroused and generate such fluid, or as here where the tightness is generating friction, but you still wish to 'enjoy' (we might hope) intercourse, then there are many lubricating fluids designed specifically for enhancing sex play. Google online, or visit an adult shop (if you are, as I hope, an adult), or visit your doctor or clinic to see about obtaining them.

Pharmacies will tend to stock lubricants such as KY Jelly, and baby oil - both with histories in sex play and massage - but these are both petroleum based products (as is vaseline) and are generally regarded as being less appropriate than water-based solutions. Still, they are clearly better than no solution, and friction burns.

The other aspect is that it sounds like you may wish to start two other sexual practices: firstly, discussing your needs and working with your partner so that your experience is as pleasurable and pain free as you would like; and secondly, widening your repertoire, by exploring cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, and other non penetrative sex.

Speaking of widening (you saw that coming, right?), the simple answer is that with time and practice (or by exploring and using dildos, vibrators and the like) you can expect some expansion and accomodation. After all, your vagina is designed to tolerate the passage of a baby's head the size of an orange or grapefruit, so a penis should not in practice be a problem.

I would like to think you're over 18, and have waited, or at least are over the age of majority in your particular country. Ultimately, what you do is down to you, but the above may help make it at least more pleasurable.

thanks for your reply & this informations



i did it with him of course after forplay & we both were aroused

& if we needed a lubricant we used ky jel

here in Egypt we don't have adult stores at all



at the begining of the intercourse it feels so good but after one hour at most i begin feel this burning & it increased by contiuing intercourse

we took a break & after that i can't stand it any more



i'm just afraid that will happen again

i'll see him in a week



is there is anything i can do??

One hour? Most sexual studies have the guy experiencing orgasm after 30 seconds, and a typical sex session (full intercourse) lasting only a few minutes.

It is possible (and highly pleasurable) to have sex sessions lasting hours, an entire afternoon, a whole night, but that is the session as a whole, not raw intercourse non-stop.

There are some complex issues being raised here, as the length of the session, the fact that he does not come (orgasm, ejaculate) sooner, and the rather brutal (to your vagina) nature of the experience are not signs of an experienced and sensitive lover.

Eroticism, after all, has a long and vaunted history in Egypt and the middle east, including the most famous lover of all, Cleopatra.

This does not sound like someone living up to that tradition.

There are really one two situations I can imagine, for such a lover:

- lack of experience (young)
- disinterest in your needs (older)

Even in the young example, it is still surprising - even more so - that a young man can have sex and not come, over that kind of duration. I think there is a bit of a question that needs answering here, by you at least, even if you do not share the answer with me: what is the nature of the relationship, that he seems unable or unwilling to come quickly, or worse, actually enjoys prolonging the act when it is clearly not giving you pleasure.

A naive young man might imagine he is a 'great lover' (and you may have a cultural difficulty dealing with him, depending on his natural vs cultural attitudes towards women) for lasting so long.

I do have one remedy for that: tie him up, masturbate him, and keep going for two hours, and be as rough as you like. I'm sure he'll get the picture eventually. Whether you can be that 'cruel' to him, if it is not in your nature, is a moot point. His penetration of you right now is unsophisticated, harmful, and far from pleasurable by the time you can stand no more.

Even if you aren't quite ready to go as far as tying him, up, you can take control of the intercourse and sex session so that it is more enjoyable (I would hope entirely enjoyable).

The secret to deep, intense, prolonged pleasure and sex, is stillness: it is the opposite of sport-f**king, which is what western adult movies tend to celebrate. The best sex isn't gymnastic, it is tantric, stillness, connection, sensitivity.

In a sense, his long session simply demonstrates how little true arousal there is: a truly aroused male, lost in sexuality, is literally unable to control his orgasm: most young men are 'lost' in this way almost naturally. A more experienced lover learns to balance the 'loss' of control, enjoying and riding a wave, until he allows it to break, only after his partner is fully satisfied.

Most un-aroused sex, failure to achieve orgasm, is associated with loss of mental acuteness, for example through drink: drink is not an aphrodisiac, it is a depressant: it may suppress a woman's common sense (hence its reputation) but it does not enhance sex.

Prolonged sex and failure or difficulty to orgasm are in fact symptoms of that loss of arousal, so I have to say that, although I am relieved that you appear to be consenting to this relation, and that you are both aroused in your understanding, that there is still a disconnect, there is still a failure to truly appreciate what fulfilling sex entails for both male and female.

The roots of that may be complex: he may think he is being virile, a great lover, but the bottom line is that anyone sensitive and caring as regards your needs must surely question whether it is appropriate that it be so painful for you, and if you have to stop him, clearly he is not getting the message.

I do hope you will give this some thought, and I do hope this is a loving relationship - a union to which you both consent by mutual attraction, and not one that you feel obliged to accomodate.

Nevertheless, let us now move to the physical 'remedies', if you cannot avoid his rather blunt and insensitive approach.

(One thought: not too far from you, a young woman used her ability to negotiate to not simply avoid pain, but to avoid death, and in the process gave us the tales of the arabian nights: you don't have to be perhaps quite that skilled a negotiator, but in the interests of your body and pleasure, you may wish to give this some thought. The more you take control, even by subtle means, the more you can enjoy these encounters.)

---

As to the physical then: given your situation, without 'commercial' solutions (sic) available, let us resort to what a strict country might nevertheless have available.

Coconut milk, is the first think that comes to mind: what would be ideal is a slippery, water (milk) based product, rather than an oil, and coconut milk, or some similar, natural lotion comes to mind. Also, cosmetics creams that are mild are presumably available for your skin: well, this is your skin, isn't it? Just a bit lower down than perhaps the authorities had in mind.

Use your imagination, and experiment.

Speaking of experimenting, lubrication is one thing: widening is another. The sooner you get used to his size, the sooner at least one of the issues will be resolved, and the good news is, this has to be one of the most pleasurable get-fit programs ever devised.

Since time immemorial woman have used devices for pleasure, and I was amused to read of the rather strict whaling communities in the early days of America (I'm UK) where they recently found perfect ivory penises (dildos). Clearly, with their husbands away for years at a time, the women weren't entirely willing to wait without any fun whatsoever. I have to wonder what went on at some of their coffee mornings.

What we need now is for you to become comfortable with his penis, by basically stretching your internal muscles and tissues, just as you might stretch your muscles before exercise. Indeed, during intercourse, if you practice conscious control of your muscles, you may induce an orgasm in him, giving him pleasure, and saving your pain. And the practice is, I hope, going to be extremely pleasurable.

It has the added benefit that you will be able to test your possible alternative lubricants, so you can regard this as a purely scientific, medical, study - or the most pleasant educational class you've ever attended. Bear in mind many (if not most) adult women in the US, Europe etc regard this as almost as fundamental a right as having a baby: your pleasure is available through masturbation at all times, and we are going to take advantage of that to help with the other issue.

What we need, and what may not be readily available, are vibrators (with motor) and dildos (without motor), to practice stretching and dilating your vagina to accomodate his penis. Since we understand you will not be able to buy these commercially (and it may not be safe within your culture or family to do so), we can - as women have done for ever - improvise.

What you need are a series of reasonable, graded (different sized) penis like objects that can be safely inserted into your vagina, starting small (narrow) and broadening (width) and deepening (length) over time.

Ironically, one of the oldest and most natural 'alternative' dildos is indeed natural: fruit and vegetables, and every society must have those available, neh?

I leave it to you to experiment, with both the lubricants (do let me know how coconut juice or milk works out - it popped into my head and I'm curious), and the dildos, but here are various fruits and vegetables that girls have been using for a long, long time before the Internet offered discreet, online shopping for vibrators:

- carrots (wash, may be more comfortable peeled / skinned) has the advantage that it starts narrow, then widens
- banana - good texture, can be used with the skin or without - gets a bit messy, and not 'rigid' enough really for our purposes
- cucumber - EXCELLENT choice - especially peeled / skinned: without the skin the juice / flesh is a natural lubricant

You get the idea.

Also any physical object, provided that it is clean, and in your case discreet, if discover is an issue, will suffice.

Possible suggestions, again popular (though everything has been tried once, somewhere, by someone):

- hairbrush is popular, you're doing your hairy, get dreamy, curious, it's easy to see why
- anything with a handle - you can buy a broom, cut off the handle (if it's wood, with a round tip) and keep it hidden - just difficult to explain
- candles - leading to the nunnery joke 'candles out girls' (cf: lights out girls) - again, can be carved to shape and size
- clay - make your own, depending how creative you're feeling, you can even make a copy of his

Again, you get the idea.

Do as you wish for pleasure, however to stretch to accomodate, you should use something that is just uncomfortable, not painful, stretching but not breaking is what we're aiming for

... and be patient - giving birth to babies is painful in part because no woman in her right mind would want to practice with a 4 inch wide dildo - though some no doubt will, and do

... and be careful, not only for yourself and your well-being, in your culture, but also by not introducing strange chemicals (which some commercial hand-creams may have) without first testing them carefully on your arm, then the outer mound (mons) of your vagina, then the inner lips at the entrance (each time leaving it for an hour, say, and then wiating a day for reaction, ideally), and only then finally using them to lubricate your dildo.

The advantage of truly 'natural' fluids (hence the coconut milk) is that you are unlikely to experience a bad reaction, so those should be safer to test more quickly.

Good luck, and ps: if you wish to reply, only click 'reply' and do not worry about copying me words - there are far too many! - just post your words, as you did in your original question!!!

Good luck, have fun, and see if you can't teach him to be a guru of love, not a beast of fornication... at least in private you can enjoy pleasure without the pain!