Dawn is right in the fact that I wasn't that strong. First of all, all those that happened to me years ago, before I miscarried, I hardly even talked to God. I didn't know WHERE I stood with Jesus. I was brought up in Church, but I wasn't saved. I only prayed in dire situations, then I didn't even thank Him when he brought me through the crisis. BUT.............. God knew that one day(because He knows the future), I was going to surrender my life to him, and he thankfully kept me alive until I did just that. I was 30 years old when I was finially baptized.
When I lost my baby, I was not strong. I did not see God at the time, even though I was a Christian. I didn't even bother to pray except to ask "why"? I had a hard time going to church, and seeing little babies and not being jelous. I wouldn't go to baby showers I was invited to. I couldn't bear to even hear the laughter of the little toddlers across the street. I became OBSESSED with getting pregnant again. I dreamed that I had a baby, but couldn't find her, and that I was a bad mom because I didn't even know what my baby looked like. I went back and forth between being mad at myself, and being mad at God. I shook my fist at him, albeight silently. Then my oldest son, my precious, lovable adorable son, whom I placed in the care of my exhusband half way across the state (to get him away from his druggy crowd), called me and begged me to come home. I was scared for the safety of his life if he came back here(it got to the point where I didn't know where he was most of the time when he was here), and told him he needed to graduate there and then come back home. He, for the first time in his life to me to " F-off" and he had no more respect for me. He left his dad's home and ended up on the streets. I didn't know if he was dead or alive. I was already on antidepressants and I wanted to die............ Up until that point, I hadn't really even been praying for him, because I felt God wasn't listening anyways.............................
I know this is long, but I can't leave the story like this!
I saw a post on my son's myspace saying he was sad and HUNGRY!!!!............................I broke. Utterly broke.
My life was now secondary to my son's life. I could not lose him too! I fell to my knees and for the first time, I fervently, desperately, trully prayed. "God, please let me know my son's alive! Please God, I GIVE him to you! He is YOURS, just please, please let me know that he's alive and alright, PLEASE!"
The next day I set off to my friends house to see if she would drive halfway across the US and help me find my son. I was going to scour the streets looking for him. My friend agreed to help me and we agreed to leave in two days. As I got in the car and was saying good bye to my friend, my cell phone rang....................It was my son. He was alive! He may have been high, or whatever, but he was ALIVE.
Two weeks later he was on a Greyhound bus on his way home. I sent him a care package with everything he needed. Half way home, he lost the ticket and the bus dropped left him in the middle of a small town. He was still 2 states away from me. I was out that door within 1 hour on my way to get him.................And I did get him and he was Alive and safe.
God had never left myside, but sometimes its hard to see that at the time! I can look back and see him helping me through everything. I have to go, but I would love to share how he showed his face even in the little things during this darkness. He never left, even though I was mad. He was gentle. I may, in my next post, if you like, share with you some amazing ways he showed himself to me during this darkness.
Hugs, lots and lots of Hugs and prayers to you, Lisa- Your sister in Christ, Wendy
I have a few more minutes now, so if you want to here a little more then I hope this is inspirational!
I actually was ready to complain this morning because I was an itsy, bitsy frustrated with my hubby. But then I read Lisa's post and it my morning didn't seem near as important. My entire attitude changed! I read the post above that I wrote to my husband, whom of course went through it all with me. After all, this was his baby, too that wasn't born and he's been raising my son since five years old. This is also his son, to him. After I read my post, I looked up to my husband, and he was crying. Our little tiff no longer seemed relevant.
Until I see Jesus in heaven, I won't know the answer as to why I lost my baby. But I DO now, have faith that He is in control and that He Loves me. He also gave me a little "gift". You see, I didn't even know what to call her. I felt my baby must have been a girl, because I had only come up with a girls name thus far. I was going to name her "Elizabeth Rose". Hubby and I both agreed on this name. But did I truly know my baby was a girl? Then I got a little package from my friend, with a card. I opened it up....................
it was a little glass ROSE bud. The letter read "Wendy, I believe your baby was like a rose bud that was never able to fully bloom". I cried. She did not know that I was going to name my little girl Elizabeth Rose. Although this was a gift from my friend, and the only one I received, it was also a gift from My Heavenly Father. It now sits in my bathroom on a shelf. God's gift of his tender love for me.
Also, until I got pregnant with my hubby's baby, his family had never accepted me as family. His mother and oldest and only biological daughter were both nasty to me when they found out I was pregnant. When I miscarried, I was very angry with them! I think they both felt horrible, as their anger turned into reality as I lost the baby they were angry about. My pregnancy and miscarriage, brought me closer to his entire family. GO FIGURE!
When my son ended up on the streets, it was horrible, but that's what it took to bring me to my knees and give me purpose to live! I mourned for the loss of Elizabeth Rose, but my son was in danger NOW! Forget the antidepressents, forget the empty prayers, forget feeling sorry for myself or what could have been............PRAY, PRAY AND FIND YOUR SON......GOD'S SON!!!!!
Now no one on either side of the family judges my boy for being on drugs, we just love on him, encourage him, offer help and talk and listen to him..........because no one wants to wonder where he is or if he's dead or alive.
I gave him to God. He is in control and I will be there for my son. Today, we get to see him and go to a movie together. Today, I rejoice in the fact that I get to HUG him and KISS his darling cheek..........Yes, what a blessing! Thank you JESUS!
Lisa, there is light at the end of this tunnel, although it will be hard to live with your mom, God has not left you homeless! It will be hard, but if you hang on, you will be able to look back and REJOICE how He brought you through a very hard time in your life! He will never leave us or forsake us, even for a minute!
Salvation Army does back pack for kids, I know because I've volunteered for this. They also have a program called "shop with a cop", that uses volunteers to take children shopping for school clothes. I've done this before as well and I let the "my girl" pick out what she liked. This maybe a helpful place to start. Also they can provide you with phone numbers to food shelves. I've had to use food shelves before in my life, and they usually don't ask questions. Also at the Salvation Army church by my house, they have pastry's and breads that are free for the taking every Tuesday and Thursday, no questions asked. They also have a program for winter coats. Almost everyone needs help at some point in their lives...........don't be afraid to ask (Like our Lovable Dawn says).
Try Not to lift, I cannot lift either. I'm asking my husband to walk with me twice a day. Do what you can and rest as much as possible. Try not to feel bad about this, it will pay off as you build your strength up. And last but not least, look forward to what is in store for your life. It's an ADVENTURE with its ups and downs. Look at your children, what are they going to be or do when they grow up? How many grandchildren are u going to have? OH, ALL THE POSSIBILITIES!
Okay, I'm done. Hugs to ALL! Wendy
Well I can honestly say some tears are forming here to what you all wrote to me... I so much appreciate all of you! I'm truly sorry about things that has happend to all of you.. :'( . My husband and I are saved and baptized and my 10 year old and 8 year old got saved and baptized about 8 months ago... So yes thats the best decision anyone could ever make!! My little 5 year old is just a little too young to understand but she knows all kids and babies ALL go to Heaven... Most people in life feel like being successful is having money and nice houses and cars.... but my family and I feel like being successful is having the Lord live in our hearts and lives.... So you are right... We have the most important thing in the world... GOD! Yes its very disappointing with everything going on to us right now... My kids seem very happy though.. We give them Love and Attention which is very important.... Some kids parents work so much and yes they may have all the money in the world but their kids may not be happy..... because they don't have that Love from their parents... So I feel like I'm a decent human being just going through the toughest time in my life right now.. but I'm not alone, so I'm very grateful..... I'm also guilty for taking things for granted and forgetting to thank God for things but I try my best and pray every single day... So thank you for all your words of encourgement to me... I really need that right now...
Wendy, I hope you are starting to heal better? I'm like you, one step forward and 2 steps back.. (somedays)... I had hard poo today and yesterday, so now I feel swollen where my surgery was again.. and on top of that, I have another yeast infection. :'( .. I've only had a total of maybe 3 in my lifetime... but my Vajayjay.. is very sore, swollen and itchy (same symptom as before), so my hubby had to go buy me one step treatment of Monistat... So I guess I should go lay down.. Its leaking out... Ugh, sigh.. I know I'm gross with too much info huh? Hopefully DR is not getting grossed out here.. Ha ha .. o.O
Dawn, thank you also for all of your help... You really are a superwoman!!!! I'm so glad I found this forum... It was not a mistake, it was meant to be.... I hope you are feeling ok? How is your head doing from your surgery??? I've been keeping all of you in my prayers too... Lots of Hugs and Love....
Hugs to you all.. Love your baby sis... He he XD seems like I'm the youngest here but not by much.. just a few years... Unless DR is in his early 30's... I'm in my late 30's... Nighty night to you all.. I miss talking with all of you... Ok, got to go lay down...
I'm also in my late 30's!!!! 6 times running!!!! ;-) XD XD XD XD You know I have friends that I've been friends with for over 30 years!!!!!! We all are hitting that "SPECIAL" time in our lives, where for some reason we are NEVER cold!!!! :$ :$ :$ o.O 8-| It's just SO great being a woman - heh DR?!!!! XD XD ;-)
We have cramps, our boobs hurt, we have a friend that visits every month, then we have to deliver melons!!! Then we start having fondues in our cleavage! Then we dry up TOTALLY and get hair on our chins! Then we die!! It's just a RIOT!!!! XD XD XD XD ;-)
A few months ago I went to see a doctor, I was driving home got to a stop light, was SINGING at the top of my lungs to an old rock and roll song that I LOVED and started crying at the VERY same time!!!! o.O I was BALLING!! And then I felt someone looking at me, I turned my head and there's this guy - who must have been watching me "deterioate" - looking like this o.O %-) o.O Then I started LAUGHING! Because I couldn't believe what was happening! And Men just go Bald and buy Corvettes!!!!!! What's with that?!!! Oh and their testicles starting hanging lower!!!!!!!! o.O o.O o.O o.O o.O XD XD I'm sorry I just HAD to say something!
It is hard to remain grateful sometimes! It's more like "Yeah thanks a lot for that!!!" ;-) But I am ALWAYS thankful for small things! Such as the sound of my childrens laughter!! NOTHING is better than that sound - except for "Congratulations! You just won the Lottery!!!" But for now, I will take Laughter!!!! ;-) XD XD
Glad to hear from you Lisa, we were starting to get worried! Anyway I've taken my pain medication - can you tell??!!!! ;-) XD So I'm off to bed, before I end up like this on the floor ./\_ It's NOT comfy!!! So have a good night everyone! Hugs and health!
I got this book called Vinegar and it has all these "uses" for it and stuff. Some may be real and some myths.ANYWHO, interestingly enough it says two use 1qt. warm water mixed with a Tbls. or more of white vinegar on yeast infections, twice daily. It also says to try vinagar on hemorroids to ease itching and burning (If it stings your supposed to dilute it). I haven't tried it, I just thought it was interesting. What do you think Dawn? It also says to put it on blemishes and acne. I might try that last one.
Monistat seems to work really well on yeast infections for me, at least.
Dawn how are you recovering dear? Did you make it to the bed before you hit the ground? :-D :-D
I'm recovering fairly well. I have been walking and I've starting playing the WII game. I have'nt tried the WII active or WII fit yet, though. I'm trying to decide which one to start. Have any of you tried either of these?
Dr. Red, do you do anything for exercise?
Oh by the way Dawn, I may just have my chiro order some VEGA for me, or I'm going to just break down and get another paypal card, because the ingredients look great!!!! :-D :-D
first Wendy I was very touched with your story. It is very emotional.
Now regarding exercises. As much I like to, I'm not a regular with exercises. But I like to ride a bicycle. This is something I really like. Other exercises from time to time I do some stretching or lift some (not so heavy) weights. :-) But this is just twice a week.
Well I was talking to one other member of the forum, and she has been using Wii fit for some times, and she has been very satisfied. When you do your few first Wii exercises give us your opinion.
Dr. Red, thank you for your thoughtful words about my story! It took me 3hrs. to write, but I was soooo worried about Lisa and sometimes sharing our own life experiences can sometimes be helpful. By the way, I'll try the WII fit first, so thanks! :-D
I know I sound religeous, but I'm not. I just love God, plain and simple.
Lisa, I hope your yeast infection is doing better! I hope my story was encouraging, because you are precious!
Bambi, you are so cute! I thought I would share a funny story with you. Remember I told you that my son was 27hrs of labor? Ok, so I went to the hospital at 5 min. apart contractions, then while at the hospital, they went to 7min apart and I stopped dialating. So, they sent me home and told me to come back again at five min. apart! 8-|
So, on the way home, we saw a cute little MGB convertable and I said that I wanted to buy it. (REALLY GREAT CHOICE,HUH? I WANT A 2 SEAT CONVERTABLE WITH A NEW BABY? %-) 8-| WHAT WAS I THINKING.....OH WAIT, I WASN'T THINKING :O ) !
So we get the owner to come out and start asking questions. When my husband asked the price, I had a HUGE CONTRACTION and doubled over. This guy looked at me (I Was HUGE!) and was like o.O %-) o.O :-( o.O "What the Hell is a matter with
her? o.O o.O o.O
My husband calmly replied, "Oh, nothing, she's just in labor ready to have our baby! :-D ".
The guy was like, "Ok, price is fine, GET HER OUT of here and come back AFTER she's had the baby"! o.O o.O o.O
So, we got a great deal on the car.
The end........ Hugs to all-Wendy
I'm allergic to Strawberries, so I don't ever get anything like that! I ALWAYS go for Chocolate! And it has SO much Acidopholus in it too! So check them out and see!
Wheres our girl Lisa? You OK honey?
You know my theory about women with traumatic births etc? Well I was another site and 2 women on there were told not to use ANYTHING on their bottoms. And have healed pretty well! So I asked them if they had vaginal trauma and neither of them did! So I really think that ALL of our problems are connected by what we went through! It HAS to really! Both "Canals" are right next too each other, so it only makes sense!
I have to say I'm a bit upset right now! On the news they were showing all of these Democrats backing off from Public Health Care! And I HOPE HOPE HOPE that Obama stands firm and makes Public Health Care part of your guys system! We are the other way around, we have Public Health Care, with the greedy Private Sector Sneaking in there as much as possible! A dear friend of mine has been diagnosed with Lymphoma! And like she said "Even though I have to pay for a few things here and there, I am NOT loosing my house, I WILl get the care I need! And i can't imagine people in the States having to decide between their homes or their health!" I wish EVERY American that doesn't have enough healthcare or NONE stood up and shouted from the roof tops! There is no reason why there should be Profit for Pain allowed when it comes to ones lives!! I saw this "Roundtable" on tv and there were all these Hysterical people screaming about their Grandmothers being killed by Public Health!!!!! o.O I was like "What the heck are you guys on?!" You can tell they are set up to go to these things! And there were VERY few of them, I think they probably worked for insurance companies! Have you seen ALL the commercials for Insurance and Drugs and Private hospitals lately? They are afraid and they will stop at nothing to get their way! Just like what Canada went through when we brought in Universal Healthcare in the 60's! Doctors fought tooth and nail against it! But I don't see any doctor lining up at the food bank! Same with Britain, France, Norway, Australia etc. etc. Even Cuba has public healthcare for crying out loud!!! - Do you think I have a problem with Private Health CAre?!!!! ;-) ;-) 8-| XD SORRY! It's just we've had TERRIBLE times waiting for care for my youngest son - who is disabled, and my mom when she was dying from cancer! There were all the doctors saying - well we can see you faster if you paid this amount!!!! So I'm a bit like a dog with a bone with it! I actually became a public healthcare advocate! Everytime something goes on with healthcare, the media call me! Everytime I see myself on TV I think to myself "OMG!!! All my Ex boyfriends are going to see me!!!" :$ >:( o.O XD I was interviewed once to ask the Prime Minister Questions! And when I was talking into the camera - that's all that kept going through my mind!!! NOT that I was grilling the leader of our country, just how I looked to my Ex's!!!! XD XD 8-| How Shallow heh?!! Well I'm not a Saint!!!! ;-) XD
Sorry for rambling guys!!!!! Sometimes I just need to let off steam!!
Anyways I hope you are ALL well and healing! Lisa, don't you go to the cold hearted you know what soon? Let us know how you are doing OK Lovey!!!! God bless!
Well I had a bad episode today.... Even though I take my stool softners, laxatives, etc... I tend to get compacted even though I have some soft BM's... I get compacted and the soft stool bypasses it and today I had to pass some hard stool and I bled and had clots and it was very painful... I'm sore right now but not in severe pain.... Its like Wendy said... one step forward and two steps back.... But I'm dealing with it... I have no choice... I called the Doc's office (Rude one) and basically he told the nurse to tell me that its still normal for me to bleed and have clots... I think he's full of it!!! They tell me to do my sitz baths and etc... Ok, like I don't know any of this right? I've been dealing with this since the middle of May and this is NOT normal! But hopefully I'll heal and never have to deal with this ever again.... Ok, I'm done complaining for now.. LOL
On a good note... My husband got the job!!! So he'll start in a few weeks.... So we have a lot to deal with... trying to get my 3 kids into school (in a different State) and me putting in my notice at my job (that I have not been able to work at since my first surgery)... We have a lot of packing to do and I'll do the best I can but I can't really lift a lot, so I'll just have to be the clothes packer I guess.... Ha ha.. Yes we are very nervous in leaving our home, friends, jobs but I prayed for this for 9 months and said if it was God's will then let it be and today they called and made him the offer... So it can't be anymore obvious right? So thank you for all of your prayers for us... Just scared... We've lived here over 10 years and raised all of our kids in this house.... but I know people need change sometimes in their lives to make things better, so thats what we are going to do....
Dawn? How are you feeling? I hope you are doing ok from your surgery???? Sorry I have not talked to you much lately... just have a lot going on.. .but I think of you all often and I pray for you all too... You are such a Ray of Sunshine....
Wendy, you too? How are you feeling? Is your butt getting any better? It sounded like you were feeling a little better last time I read... I wanted to thank you also for all your prayers for me... I truly appreciate all of you! When I was so down the other day and I wrote to all of you... a few days ago, I was laying outside in the lawn chair in the sun and my little 5 year old was running in the back yard chasing a butterfly and it was so adorable, I thought to myself "how could I ever be so selfish to ever think about leaving my kids behind"... It was priceless and magical.... Just the little things my kids do, is really what keeps me going! When I lost my dad 8 years ago, my now 10 year old daughter is the only one who got me through such a horrible time in my life... So I'm truly blessed....
So you all are so sweet and thank you for taking time to think of me and write to me and pray for me and keep my spirts lifted during such a difficult time in my life... You too DR.... You've been wonderful too...I hope you are feeling ok? I read you like to ride bikes? I wish my butt could be on a bike... LOL.. without the pain.... So I hope all of you are doing ok? You all are sooooooooo sweet.. .Lots of Hugs to you all...
So, the "copy cat" of Vega that I purchased is almost exactly the same. I compared ingredients. I could get Vega online, but my credit card is'nt activated right now (by my choice) and they do care Vega at a whole foods store an hour away, but I bit Veganique 10 min. away. It's already working, and I'm so happy about that! Now I now that when I have my skin tags removed, I won't have to take laxatives! So thank you so, so much, hun!
I have to go, but I'll talk to you later about the health care system, k? Hugs,Wendy
I will give you an image here! Everytime I see someone ride a bike or talk about riding a bike I cringe and cross my eyes and legs!!!!!!! I don't want to put myself down, but basically IF I ever got on a bike again, people would say "Look at that lady sitting on the wheel of that bike!!!!!" You would NEVER see the seat - or come to think of it the seat rod!!!!!!! o.O o.O ;-) XD XD XD I have a LOT of "Junk In the Trunk"! a "Ton in the Tum!" a "Wreck on the Neck" a "Farm on the Arm" or my favorite a "Flab on the Slab!!!"
THANK GOD I'm Blonde!!!! Well since 3 weeks ago anyway!!! ;-) ;-) ;-) XD XD XD It's been a LONG time since my Curtains matched my Carpet!!!!!!!!! ;-) ;-) ;-) XD XD XD XD o.O I can just see DR's face right now o.O ! LOL
It is true Lisa about compaction and bleeding! I STILL get it for crying out loud! TRY the "Little special technique" I told you about before - that really helps!
Your house is a house! It's not your home!! Home is where the heart is! That's pretty good I think I will try and trademark that!!! ;-)
So here's to hiring a moving company and taking it easy on yourself! Do NOT do too much! Or you will have to go back to Ice Man! And why would you want that!? XD
I've been visiting a friend and I stayed for a few days. It was so much fun to see him again after a year. We stay in touch but don't see each other that often.
Fist Lisa I'm so sorry for you pain yesterday. Once agian that doctor has managed to show how much he does not care about his patients. It is just not understandable for me!!!
It is a good news that your husband got the job. Like you said you have a lot to do now. But keep in mind that you can not over work your self. Don't lift anything heavy. I hope that after all of this you will have many happy moments.
And bambi, wow... :-) I won't comment your post... :-D :-D :-D But just want to say it was funny. :-)
Wendy glad that this is working for you. When you have more time give us some longer info.
All the best to everyone.
First of all, Lisa, sorry to hear about your"step" back and HAPPY to hear about your abundance of steps FORWARD! I have found that the impactations will STILL happen, even on Veganique if I don't drink enough water and still take the stool softener and the fish oils. That seems to be the key. Veganique, fish oil and water. Also, I've been staying away from red meat, well most meat actually. I still don't have a lot of energy, so if you are SUPER TIRED MOST OF THE DAY, I think this is still normal. Also I did bleed a tiny bit with the last hard stool, but it healed. My behind is doing so well, I could probably schedule my skin tags removal in as little as 2 more weeks.
So happy to hear your hubby got this job!!! Yeah! What an adventure you are on! I'm sure it will all be worth it. Maybe after you get your kids in school and get settled, you can find a place in the same area as your mom to rent, that is of course if you LIKE the school district your kids are in. It just goes to show you the old saying rings true:"when one door closes, another one opens!" And because you prayed a lot about this, you can have PEACE that this is God's will! He never said life would be easy, at least I can't find that, but He does say He will never leave us, nor forsake us!
You have a five year old? I absolutely love that age!
Dawn, you still haven't told us how YOU are feeling? Does your son that is waiting on health care live in Canada as well?
Dr. Red! So happy to hear you had a nice visit with an old friend. I have a friend that lives several states away, that I knew when both our exhusbands were in the military and we live on the same small base in Germany. My current husband knew how much I loved this girl and flew her in for coffee with me for my birthday one year. We're not wealthy by any means, so this was really a big gift!
Got to go, hugs to all! Lisa, keep us posted when you find time!