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Hi.
I'm a 15 year old boy, who has been noticing most of my friends losing their virginity and whatnot.
And now I also noticed, that while that's happening, I have yet to recieve even a simple hug...

Tell me, is this normal? I'm starting to feel like a loner.... :'(

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TOTALLY normal honey! I will tell you about teenagers - they LIE!!! They "THINK" that everyone is doing it, so they don't want to appear that they haven't so they say they have - OR they have done VERY little and state that they did more! When I was 14 I "THOUGHT" that all my friends were't virgins, (guys and girls) so guys that knew me would say that they took things further, which they didn't, but I would go along with it too, so no one would know! When it is supposed to happen honey it will! And also know this, a LOT of boys that do get into sexually activity etc, start treating those girls like s**m! And my son who is almost 15 is in the same boat as yourelf, he is in shock at how young girls are treated and let me tell you NONE of his friends 12/15 have told him that they have lost their virginity! So take it with a grain of salt, and when that girl comes into your life treat her well and with respect and tenderness and you will have a VERY good reputation OK? And believe me honey you are the norm! Good luck and health honey!
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I might just have understood it the wrong way, and if that is the case, i am sincerely sorry
.
But you make it sound like I want a sexual partner, but I only used that as an example ^^

To be honest, I am honored enough whenever anyone, boy or girl, starts talking to me.
I have just kinda "bitten into" the thought of a hug, because it is such a simple thing, that i see everyone doing constantly
"hello" *hug*
"goodbye" *hug*
I want to be a part of that kind of friendship and care, you know?...
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Sorry honey! I did think you were going that way! So if you are standing with your guy friends do girls come up and hug the other guys and not you? IF that happens the next time I want you to say "hey where's MY hug?!" sometimes boys and girls get mixed signals from others - they don't know if you would be accepting of their "sign of friendship" or you would rebut it! Scarey stuff! So if you make it known that you are MORE than willing to have a hug or an overt sign of friendship it opens that door! So say Sara hugs your buddies and then you ask for a hug (in a round about way) then the NEXT time it will be more natural for her to hug you etc. It's just about breaking the cycle that's all! Does that make sense!? OR if you are about to leave somewhere or join something FOLLOW the lead of your friends! Say Roger and Steve go up to Sarah and Christine and give them hugs, you just act as natural as possible and follow suit and give them hugs too! IF you don't know these girls thats a different thing! XD You just introduce yourself at the beginning so Roger and Steve just hugged them - BECAUSE they know them - you introduce yourself with a "Hi I'm ...." When they hug them to leave, you just shake hands or say "See Ya!"! The next time THEN you know them and can follow suit! It is ALL about being comfortable in your own body and your circle - it is HARD to be a teenager - BUT if you are comfortable with yourself then your surroundings become "comfortable" with you! It is what you are putting out - via external and internal signals! For example - if there is a guy standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and then there is a guy who has his arm down straight - which one would you be more inclined to talk too? Same as if there is someone that has eye contact with you while you are talking to them, or there is someone that keeps looking over their shoulder or scanning the room, which one are you more inclined to talk too? IF you are a shy person, it is harder for others to GET your signal! So it is up to YOU to show them that you are at ease with them! Kind of like walking upto a dog that you don't know - do you go straight up to it and start petting it? Or do you go slowly towards it with your hand out so it can get to know that you are a friend, before petting it?! Does this make sense? We are ALL animals and you have to treat your peers like you would any other animal! SHOW them that you are a friend/friendly and willing to BE friends! You shouldn't be "Honored" you should just accept it! You sound like a VERY nice young man, so NOW start showing everyone that THEY will benefit by being your friend not the other way around OK?
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oh wow, you are a very inspiring person, did you know that? really!
anyways, that was a huge load of text, but very informing
there are, however, some things that seem.. off somehow

saying "hey where's MY hug?!" to someone, wouldn't that be extremely rude? it'd feel that way..

"It is ALL about being comfortable in your own body and your circle" that's.. probably going to be a greater issue.. i don't really have a circle, and comfortable with myself.. not going to happen any time soon :$

"For example - if there is a guy standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and then there is a guy who has his arm down straight - which one would you be more inclined to talk to?" - what does having your hands in your pocket incline?

"SHOW them that you are a friend/friendly and willing to BE friends" how can i show them? this is one of the biggest issues of them all, i'm not sure about anything at that point %-)

PS. Thank you so much for doing this, you are really the best! :-)
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I really just skimmed over this subject and i might be far out. But i think you are overanalysing your situation I thinkthat yu should be yourself among guys and girls. Don't think i am criticising you because i am not. You are probably like me slightly more intelligent than these other people and this in turn makes you feel out of place among them.
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(It's me again, finally registered :-) )

I do happen to have a hight IQ, but that is not the issue in this case, really.
What usually happens is that I tend to not be around people, and whenever I am around people, I don't say anything. It's as if my brain says "it'd be offensive to talk, and if you do, they'll remember it forever!"
if that makes sense?
So that leads to not talking, which leads to not being around others, which leads to feeling lonely, which leads to this site..
I suppose it is actually more a matter of loneliness than first stated.


Again, I thank you by all my heart for trying to help :-)
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I think I know what you mean. But i don't know if their is anything i can say that would help you. Maybe find hobbie and interact with people who enjoys same things as you. but i don't reallly know, sorry.
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I don't expect you to be god, there's no need to apologize :-D
you and Bambi have already helped me more than anyone else, i am grateful :-)
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Dude, don't worry about losing your virginity. It WILL happen. Get social! Hang around your friends, and their gfs, don't take their gfs, but be friendly with them. They might direct one of their friends to you. And if you do have sex, use protection. I'm sure you do NOT want to be a daddy just yet. If you do...uhm, really? Haha, jk. But try to be REALLY social. Talk to some of your friends, girls. Get to know them. Say hi to them whenever you see them. And hug her, and say hi. There's your hug! And ask her if she wants to go to the movies,the mall,ect. Gl! :-D
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Hi Kovu! Thankyou for the nice comments! You are how I was - I felt that i was not interesting enough or pretty enough etc. Then I was bullied almost to the point of ccommitting suicide! It was HELL!!! :'( So almost overnight - and with the help of a move to a school - I decided that I WAS worth more than what others and, unfortunately my family, told me I was! So I set out to go out of my comfort zone and just start talking to people - I am a mother of 2 boys 17 and 14 so I know that things are different now (with the hugging etc) - but the dynamics of being a teenager are the same! You need to step out and just look at yourself in the mirror and say "I Kovu am a decent, caring extremely intelligent person, and I deserve to be treated better!" ! Do you know what my friends say to me about when I wqs a kid? They say that because I was so quiet and shy they thought that I didn't like them!!!! I was shocked by that! BUT I also understood how they would think that! Like you stated, you stand there with your hands in your pockets - which says - "I'm not comfortable with myself" You don't know what to do with your hands so you put them in your pockets.

I'm actually going to put paragraphs in here!!!!! ;-) XD Due to you being a nice young man, you would think it offensive to go and hug! I'm not saying you walk up to a stranger and hug them!!! o.O I'm just saying if you are in a situation where hugs are given out then assess the information and see if there is an opportunity to start talking or giving a hug or hand shake! To show people is going up to them and IF you already know them start asking where they hang out, what do they do, what games they play etc. IF you don't know them, introduce yourself one on one! So in class whatever, and there is a guy or girl, just say "Hi! I'm Kovu! How are you doing?" "I don't know many people around here etc.!

I have an incling that your parents aren't outward, just like my husband, his father never really showed him to shake hands etc. so when I first got with him and old friend of mine went upto him and went to shake his hand, but my husband put his hands in his pockets - he didn't know how to do it!! It was a really awkward moment, but I have actually taught him how to go up to people, shake their hand, don't look away, remember names, etc. and the MOST IMPORTANT thing NEVER think that you aren't worth their attention! You obviously have a LOT to offer this world and people just have to know YOU! BUT they wont know you IF you don't let them in! |Does that make sense? The first time is the most stressful, BUT that initial contact with just 1 person can have a HUGE ripple affect with many others! I am still friends with people from when I was 14 I am now 45! They will be my friends till the day I die! And It ALL started with "HI!!!!" So go get them honey and have faith in yourself and that others feel the EXACT same way as you do - I promise you that!

One last paragraph - and you should think yourself special because i have finally started correctly typing! ;-) XD But ALL teens and preteens FEEL awkward, it's the ones with the gift of the voice that are heard! BUT they are the minority - take a look at a group, usually there is one loud person and the others can be less and then REALLY quiet! If you ever need to talk I'm usually on here, I know I'm a mother but I was also a teenager and have 2 of them!!!! ;-) Big Hugs honey!
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truly inspiring! you should be a writer or something! :-D
I feel ready-ish now
there is only one question left to ask, which is; Where should i meet with people? we are only 400 people at school, so everyone knows eachother, and those people at my age already got the bad impression, so I feel that it would be best to start out with new people. question is how and where :-)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS, I FEEL YOU'VE TURNED MY LIFE AROUND! :'(



PS: i like how you say "i know i'm a mother, but i have kids around 14 and 17", to be honest, you being a mother is probably a bonus because you send out such a caring and loving vibe :-D
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Thankyou honey! Do you still go to school? If so it' not too late to change your manners around people - like going up to them and saying "hey your Odin right?!" then sake is hand. Go swimming at your local pool, go to house parties, or bars or BIG group events. When I went to the new school and decided to be different I actually went to a house part and sat with a rink ALL night long. People would come up and "Hi ....., I didn't know you came to parties!?" Which WAS rue! Also figure out what hoppies you are interested in them and then look on FB for networks in your area that have such things on their site - such as Gear of War, models, planes etc. Then connect first on the computer - which is a great thing, because they do not seeyou sweat!! ;-) XD See we didn't have computers we had 2 tin cans and a string and morse code and smoke signals!!!!! ;-) XD XD XD Honest honey try Face Book, and look for people that hav a NICE reputation, then send them a message - that you are tying to make friends etc and would LOE to join there group! Last year I started with 1 now I have 345! So If a middleaged houswife has 345 friends on FB I think I nice young man should easy double this. Also check out songs - then you can punch in your area - then you can toalk to them about musics etc, understand
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(gotta break the reply up into sections, i don't know why, just like it structured :-P)

"it' not too late to change your manners around people - like going up to them and saying "hey you're Odin right?!"" - wouldn't it seem strange that the loner would all of a sudden go up to people asking how they're doing? personally i'd feel that it'd be easier to start up being different around people who don't know me, and then slowly change around the people i do know?
also, as i said, we all know each other's names, and we all know eachother to some degree.. so it'd be weird to ask if said person's name was Odin. (nice use of mythology names, by the way)

"go to house parties" - how would i know when and where??

"or bars" - ahem.. i'm underage

"or BIG group events" - like what? have no idea what you mean

"figure out what hoppies you are interested in them and then look on FB for networks in your area" - my hobbies include climbing trees and taking long walks.. i don't think there are any groups for that XD

sorry, i know that i can be a pain in the neck, and you've already done more than enough for me :$
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Ok! So instead of going up to "Odin" and saying "Hi Odin, I'm Kovu!" Say "Hi!" Or "Heh!" Or "how u doin!" ;-) The loner has now got to be out of his comfort zone and stop being a loner mentality, it is HARD but doable! Just start being friendly - a smile, a nod a "heh" that sort of thing, DONT look away or act submissive! You have to start thinking of yourself in terms of being an animal!

When you see a nature show and they show a pack of wolves or whatever, they will show the submissive one, who lays on his back showing his neck, and being at the back of the pack and looks away when the stronger look at him! That shows the others that he isn't a threat, so they ignore him! That is what is happening to you, you are being ignored! Because they don't KNOW you! You don't show your true self, by eye contact, talking, shaking hands etc! Even if you know an answer in class, ASK someone else like "Hey Odin, what the heck does this mean?!!!" That sort of thing! Probably - because you are highly intelligent - they think that YOU think you are above them and they are the lesser - thus the reason why you don't talk to them or interact! Think about how you come across to others! Another good way to get male friends is via girls! IF you like certain girls, when they are alone say something like "Hi, you're Arwen right? I'm Kovu! How are you doing?" That sort of thing, since they already know who you are, reintroduce yourself to them AND you!
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