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okay so let me tell you what's been going on. I'm seventeen years old, and I've only ever had one boyfriend, except that relationship only lasted a week. I wasn't comfortable with him at all, and when I kissed him, it just felt weird. I've had crushes on guys before, but there was only one crush that was really intense. I've kissed two girls before, and I enjoyed it both times. I've been sexually attracted to and have had a thing for at least four girls in my past. and in junior high, I said no to every guy that asked me out. all this time I've thought I was straight, but I think I might be bi or gay. I can't picture myself giving a blow job, it grosses me out. but I can easily picture myself having sex with a girl, and I have sexual fantasies about girls all the time, rarely ever do I dream about guys. I'm just so confused because lately there hasn't been anyone that I've had a thing for, and I don't know if its because I'm just not as straight as I thought I was. what do you think? please help!


First...being gay is not a mental disorder. It was taken out of the DSM in the early 70s. Juuuust saying. Secondly...sexuality is fluid, especially women's.  So chances are even if you're not totally lesbian it's possible that you will be tempted to explore your sexuality with other phallicly-deprived folk. Unfortunately I think there are too many people out there urging us all to box in our sexualities and make it easier to check a box to describe who we are. Truthfully, none of us are that simple and you're going to love whoever you love. Don't worry about finding a huge label if it's too confusing. Just go with the flow and be with whoever makes you happiest.

If sexuality and identity were so simple, my girlfriend and I have made a checklist to help you decipher whether or not you are a lesbian.
(This may prove how unfortunate it is to pigeonhole your sexuality...)

[ ] Do you listen to Melissa Etheridge (or other similarly homosexually charged entertainers?)
[ ] Do you have short hair?
[ ] Do you entertain urges to be an independent thinker?
[ ] Do you like cats?
[ ] Do you wear pants?
[ ] Do you like Ellen Degeneres?
[ ] Are you a gym teacher?
[ ] Are you vegetarian?
[ ] Humanitarian?
[ ] Raging feminist?
[ ] Hairy-legged?
[ ] Lacking fashion sense?
[ ] Do you play sports?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be a lesbian.
If you didn't answer yes to any of these questions, you may still be a lesbian.

Either way, it's nobody's business unless you choose to be progressive and vocal about your gender identity so that the world can start to see that no matter whether you're gay or straight, it's the fact that we're people that matters the most.

Down with stereotypes! :)


Hi! Im 17 and have been having sort of the same problem. I've never had a boy friend but recently me and this guy were talking and hanging out and he wanted to kiss me and i got scared because i didnt really want to kiss him even though i had thought about it and liked thinking about it. I have always wondered if i liked girls and sometimes i get to thinking if i like a girl and i feel like i might but i dont want to. I think i would want to kiss a girl but idk bout sex...i find it hard to get close to girls to because i am afraid i will like them. There have been many instances where ive thought i liked a girl and lately i havent had any strong feelings for guys and i dont know if i ever have. I thought i did when i was younger but now im not so sure. Do u think i am a lesbian?