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Hey everyone, I am currently completely lost in who i am. I feel like ive lose all sense of identity in me and im honestly scared about my future. I grew up straight. I always liked girls and crushed on girls. It was the best feeling of wholeness ive ever felt. I was aroused by girls during teen years, but even before puberty i couldnt stop myself from always crushing and craving girlfriends and the cute girl in class to sit next to and want to kiss and all that happy stuff. Im so confused because ever since senior year, ive wonderered if i was gay all along, and that im gay now. I am aroused by gay porn, and it scares the hell out of me. I always watched straight and just naked women growing up, and around 15 years old realized gay porn aroused me as well. Ever since senior year, i felt like this makes me gay and i must not be straight, and that all those feelings to girls were false and now i need to accept that im gay. But i cant do it because i dont feel gay. I feel like its not me, i never crushed on guys or wanted to kiss a guy. Im so confused. I was bullied a lot growing up, always felt left out in everything and was always made fun of by everyone in school called a "homo and gay", even though i wasnt gay. It made me insecure and i feel like my feeling on insecurity of masculinity and inadequacy may have something to do with it. All i want is to be able to be the guy i once was. I feel like excessive porn has corrupted me. Please, leave answers or comments, im desperate for someone to give me some kind of advice. Thanks

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You may not be gay if you do not seem to have interest in guys.  Watching porn is one thing, and relationships in real life are another.

If you still have feelings for girls that you meet, then just pursue that.  If you meet guys and you eventually find that you like them, then you may realize that you are gay (or bi).  But don't be afraid of your feelings, and take time to figure it out.  There is nothing wrong with being with a girl first, and then switching to a guy (or vice versa).  You are just finding yourself.

I, myself, am straight so I don't know the feelings you are going through, but I have a friend that took quite some time to realize that he was gay.  And once he recognized that, he just continued his life as he had been doing.

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Well i dont think im gay either. I dont even think im bi. I never had feelings for guys and sure as hell would never date one, its not me. But what i dont understand is why i can get aroused by gay porn. I dont like watching it, it makes me feel weird but im still aroused. I was always bullied growing up, and always felt insecure with myself and felt left out from the other guys in school. I feel like that somehow could have been eroticized by my sense of inferiority. I thinks sexuality isnt inborn but developed. On days i feel masculine and secure with myself, i notice girls, feel normal, dont look at guys, and get aroused easily by naked women and videos of them masturbating or whatever. Then there are days where i may go through insecure feelings and feel like i need to test myself with nude pictures of guys to make sure i dont get aroused and am not gay. By that time, i ruin my normal libido and feel so emasculated, regardless if i was turned on or not. I never get aroused by just naked guys or pictures of them, i only get aroused when i see it in a sexual manner, like a gay porno or a guy masturbating. Idfk whats up with me, it just doesnt make any sense for anyone to say that i could be gay, or even bi. Its not that i dont like gay people, i dont care what people do, i just dont want that for myself

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Well watching anything erotic can trigger an arousal, so I would not worry too much about that. If you have strong feelings against romance with a male, then I think you are already confident that you are straight.

I think the mentality that you have towards gay porn is not abnormal. So don't worry.

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Thanks for the replies, it definetly makes me feel better. I know i dont wanna have sex with guys or be with one or anything like that, the thought of it is repulsive to me. I just guess i have this thought that if you are at all aroused by gay pornography that you must be gay, when there are probably a lot of straight guys that would be aroused by any kind of erotic videos, regardless of whos in it. Idk..
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Exactly. So don't worry.
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