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So, here's my little story. OK, big story. But please read it? I'm between 13 and 16 and I think I might like girls (being a girl myself). I've seen lesbian porn before and I like it much more than regular porn (not that I watch either very often, mind you), though I've heard that's common. I don't think I've really LOVED a girl before; I THINK I've crushed on a girl before, as in I would date her. On the other hand, I've never really LOVED a guy either. I've had two boyfriends, but that was kind of a joke as in neither of us truly liked each other, and the relationships were over quickly (ah, middle school days). I've crushed on one guy before and we were seven, so that doesn't really count (I think?). Since I've started checking out girls I haven't had a boyfriend, and I haven't been attracted to any guys. I find myself checking out other girls' chests and butts a lot, which before I dismissed as jealousy of their nice assets but now I'm not sure. I fantasize about girls, and occasionally about boys. However, it's never about a romance with a boy, it's only sex. I have both romantic and sexual dreams about girls. I think if a girl asked me to do things with her I would. If I guy asked, I probably would. However, that's all theoretical because really I view myself as too young to be having sexual relations really with anyone. The farthest I would go with anybody right now would be a ha****b, but that's irrelevant. Anyway, that is what makes this so difficult for me: I have no experience. I can't be sure if I'm bisexual (I don't think I'm a full lesbian) because I haven't TRIED anything. Though I'd like too, I probably won't date a girl until I know for sure I truly LIKE girls (plus I don't think any of my friends are bi or les). I don't like any guy enough to date, either. Would someone give me their opinion on my situation? I know that I don't need a label on my sexuality yet, but I want opinions nevertheless. And I know this is silly--believe me, I know--but I don't feel comfortable telling people that I'm bi until I've had conformation from someone other than myself, because right now "myself" is quite confused. I'm perfectly OK with being bi; I really am open in that sense. But I just don't KNOW. So what do you think? Help me out? By the way I've been looking at other girls now for a little over a year.

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Jeez, Pinkfuzzysocks- give yourself a break and stop trying to label yourself!

You've said you're comfortable with whatever you are, so why are you trying so hard to define it?

You're young and at a time of your life when whether you are gay, straight or bi-sexual, doesn't matter. While I think you're too young to be experimenting with either gender, perhaps you should simply keep an open-mind until you are old enough to find out what it is you really prefer.

Also- you're talking about never loving a boy? You said you're aged between 13-16; at that age, you don't even know what romantic love is! So please- don't go down that road. The idea of love will change as you get older and become an actual adult.

 

For now, fancy whoever you like and don't feel you need to say 'I'm gay/straight/bi'- you are you, be satisfied with THAT.

 

V

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Thanks got replying! Let me just say, I COMPLETELY understand that I'm young, that I'll probably change, and that I don't know what "love" is yet. I get that, I know. All I want are some opinions pertaining to what I'm feeling right now. See, I feel pretty confused, and I just want casual opinions on my sexual orientation based on what I wrote. And, I don't feel too young to experiment--I feel too young to have sex with anyone, no matter their gender. Please keep this in mind. I feel like I should tell my parents that I'm bi, but I don't even know that I am.
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Ahh, sorry, Pinkfuzzysocks- I didn't mean to be patronising, but when I read back my post, I can see I was. My apologies. By your writing, I can see that you're actually a very mature teen and think you should get kudos for being so sensible for not heading down the route of sexual experimentation at a young age. Personally, I think kids grow up too quickly these days.

 

I'm of the belief that no one should have to define, explain and/or label their sexual orientation. We should simply be happy and joyous for being loved and being able to give love.

 

My son is 12 and he came to me earlier last year and told me he thought he was gay. After sitting down and having a chat, it turned out that he actually thought he was bi-sexual, but because he had experienced sexual feelings for other boys as well as girls, he immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was gay. A few months later, I asked him if he still felt that way and he answered "Honestly, no- I think it was a phase". He's never wanted to do anything sexual with anyone- he admitted that his feelings were just that; feelings. But I'm sure he's started masturbating (oh yuk- not comfortable writing about this, so I'm really, really hoping this helps you!)- I just don't think it's any of my business, so I haven't asked him out-right and don't plan on doing so. I'll just take the signs of him spending lots of time in his room (with his music up) and finding bits of tissue stuffed in his bed as a positive that he's started!

 

I'll say to you what I said to him in our chat.

If you want to say 'I'm gay/bi/straight'- give it a while. Wait until you have experimented and are old enough to start a sexual relationship. Tbh, I didn't settle on one sexuality until I was in my 30's and by that time, I'd had a child! I experimented with both men and women and refused to actually say I was any one sexuality. I suppose 'Bi-sexual' best described me, yet I always had it in the back of my mind that I could never settle down in a relationship with a woman. A few years ago, I stopped finding women attractive and am very much for men. However, I wouldn't rule out sleeping with a woman again- those feelings might, one day, be ignited by someone. I don't know what the future holds.

And I suppose this is why I don't like labelling sexuality. 

I think sex and relationships should be about love and pleasure and it doesn't matter what gender that person is; the intentions and feelings are still the same.

 

At your age, you will get a lot of feelings you don't fully understand and hormones tend to exasperate feelings and emotions. I also expect that a lot of your friends are feeling the same way you do. I recall as a teenager that there was a lot of touching & experimentation with friends of both sexes, yet nearly all of the girls went on to be stoic heterosexuals. It seemed like the natural thing to do....and of course, it was!

Experimentation will come- believe me!

 

As for telling your parents- it depends on how close you are to them and how you think they'll react. I never told my mum and to this day, she doesn't know about the women I slept with (or most of the men!lol), because I don't think it's any of her business and she's the type of person who still calls a lesbian, a 'dyke'.

But it was a different story with my son. I'm very open about everything- drugs, sex, friendships, relationships- anything. I've had a colourful life and he knows I'm not going to judge him. Since he was young age, I've always talked to him about gay relationships, as I had friends who were gay & his auntie is a self-labelled bi-sexual (with more of a tendency towards women). Hence, who he is, is who he is and I'll still love & adore him just the same!

 

I really hope this helps you and I hope you get some other people's experiences too. Just know that you're not alone and how you are feeling is pretty damn textbook for a teenager! lol

 

Good luck in your growing-up adventures, but stay safe & only do what you think you're ready for.

 

Best wishes

 

 

  

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Thank you so much! That really helped. Thanks for understanding. I don't feel the rush to "label" myself, per se. I simply want to understand my own personal preferences, which is difficult to do without experimentation. However, that sets up another problem. I would first like to tell my parents before I start dating to determine my current orientation, which isn't too bad because they are very open-minded on the issue. I even have two lesbian aunts. I would just have to work up the nerve to tell them. But my problem would be this: I wouldn't know who to date. There's plenty of girls that I find pleasant and attractive--many of them are my friends. However, I don't believe any of them are bisexual or lesbian. How would I be able to find someone willing to go out with me without coming out to everyone? I certainly don't WANT to come out to everyone, especially because I don't even know how I feel, yet. From what I've seen/heard, when you tell girls that you crush on girls, they automatically assume that you're crushing on them and that every ordinary thing you do is a form of flirtation, even if you have explicitly said that you don't like them like that. "Oh, she picked up my pencil for me and smiled! She MUST have a crush on me! I mean, she DID say she likes girls..." Do you have any advice? How can I find I girl to go out with? By the way, I don't mention guys or potential boyfriends in this post because I already know of guys who would go out with me (not to sound conceded!!). Thanks again in advance!
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I'm glad my words helped, Pinkfuzzysocks :-)

 

I completely understand about your friends; I told my son not to share his feelings with his friends until he was sure. Despite society generally being more open about sexuality; teens still see it as something to over-react to. Tbh, I think you'll find most of your friends don't act silly, but there will always be that annoying one that puts it in everyone's head that you fancy them, simply because they're female! Oh yes, the joys of being a mature teen in an immature world! lol

 

Have you tried contacting your local GLBT (Gay, lesbian, bi & transgender) organisation? Some offer services for teens who need to talk things through or who want to meet others experiencing similar feelings. I would also suggest talking to one of your aunts. She would have been in your position at one time. If you feel that comfortable with her and she with you, perhaps ask about how she discovered her sexuality; how did she go about dating for the first time, etc.

 

I hope things work out for and for the record, you sound very sensible and mature. You are actually thinking things through and looking to learn about yourself. Life is a whole journey of lessons and the more open-minded you are on that journey; the more you'll learn.

 

Good luck & best wishes

 

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Thanks for responding again, and again, your words were very useful :)
I would talk to my aunt, but she lives in California (I'm on the East Coast), so we only see each other once a year and therefore our relationship is loving but fairly unfamiliar, and she can be a bit blunt and abrasive. Though your suggestion was a good one, I doubt I would follow through with it.
The GLBT was an interesting suggestion. I'm thinking on whether or not I would be comfortable with it, and I'll see what my parents say about it. For now, I'll stick with working out my feelings until I'm at least mostly sure where I stand right now.
About my lady friends, we have kind of an odd relationship. It's very comfortable and loving, but we have our little all-girls family tree sort of thing. For example, I'm currently married to one friend but cheating on her with another girl, and that girl is flirting with another girl, etc. It's very
fun and comical, but I feel like if I came out to any of them, they would assume I had a crush on them since we're "married" or "dating" or "flirting", even though previously everyone had considered it a game. I wouldn't know what to do about that situation. If you have any more advice, I would greatly appreciate it, as always.
So in short, your advice has really helped me, but I still am in the same place in regards to knowing my own orientation. I'll keep thinking on it, but I want you to know your advice really did help, though I'm just not completely sure how, if that makes sense. So thanks again, and I hope you lead a great life!
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Hey guys, I'm just hoping to help because, personally, I don't remember a time between the ages of 12 to 17 where I knew, or at least thought I knew, how to label my sexuality. All I can say is that at that age I was a little shy, but still really careless. I got into trouble with boys and girls alike. Now it's very comforting to know that so many other people understand and that, also, I am able to tell you, based on experience, that trying to understand all of this at such an awkward age,...just isn't as easy as any of us want it to be, so now I have this advice for you....

 

Don't under or over-estimate yourself or others. Trying new things, whether, being physical or mental in any way, may be followed by emotional trauma, but in this case, I would assume not because it seems to be that, at your age and maturity level, you are doing an amazing job of handling this and with this small bit of advice,(To never immediately assume what or who you are, and to never label yourself without such an open, yet slightly closed and decided mind, before you know what, exactly, you are doing.

 

                   Hope it helped because remembering this is what got me through it all by myself. 

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Thank you :) I know in my heart labels don't matter but at the same time, it's natural to want such a conformation. I'm moving slow for now, maybe testing the waters just a teeny bit. I'll ride the waves and see where they take me :)
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YouYoung are youngands I would know! ITs totally normal! I asked my health teacher and she said yes! Your young! Enjoy your life and don't care what anyone else this about you!!. I'm 13 and I totally understand u!! 

 

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I am a 21 year old mother of two and I'll tell ya....

I came to realize that I found girls hot when i was like six. I wanted to watch a movie in my parents room while they where out in the yard cutting grass and stuff. They had a huge comfy bed and the biggest tv in the home, complete with the best vcr we had (the other pair where known for eating tapes). I walked in and saw that ma and dad had the tv and vcr off but there was a tape poking out of the front. Thinkn' it was a scary movie (something i wasnt allowed to watch ) i pushed it in and flipped the tv on.

It was FF porn! I sat back and watched open jawed till my mother rushed in and turned it all off in a hurry. but i never forgot what i saw...

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I'm a 13 year old boy and I have experimented with one of my reasonably close mates (also a boy) and I really enjoy it and look forward to doing it again. We give each other hand jobs and one times kiss the others penis and I want to give him a BJ but he thinks it's verging on gay but I don't think that

My penis is 7.5 inches long and his is about 1.5 inches long

Some times I wank over him but I wank about 2/3 times a day and about 1s a fortnight I wank over him

So your not the only one who experiments and I still love girls

 

 

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