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I was 13 that time. I was laying on the bed reading in ebooks when I noticed that my cousin was behind me. I let it be then I realized he's spooning me. He's penis was at my butt. I didn't know what to do then. But since we were just lying on the bed I let it be thinking nothing will happen. That position happen again about 4 or 5? I can't remember but it did happen again. Then one of vacation my family and some cousins of mine went to a hotel to relax. I was sleeping on the bed and when I wake up I realized he's on my back again but since he's not that close I let it be. When I noticed that he's finger was touching my butt. Like again I didn't know what to do. And since my brother and other cousins were in there I thought nothing would happen. Before I realized it he's hands were in my shorts. I slowly move and pretended that I was just waking up. Then one time we were in my room watching a movie. My brother was there too and two cousins one girl and he's the boy. Since I didn't really like watching movie and I'm kinda sleepy I just read on my phone. Then I noticed that he's hands were again in my butt. Then again before I knew it he's finger was inside me.( I will be honest I was also curious how will it feel and thinking that I'm still a virgin cause it's just a finger I let it be. Not knowing how wrong it was.) It happened again. I just told to myself that there's nothing to worry its just a finger and I would still be a virgin and I just shouldn't let it happen again. But on another vacation I was 15 it happened again. I lay beside him that time. The reason why I'm still laying beside him is because I don't want him to think that I was aware of what he was doing. So I just acted as if nothing happened. We were watching some kdrama. And since the bed I was in was higher than he's on again I never thought it would happen again. My mom was also in there too. Like the first time I told myself it was nothing. My mom was an ofw worker so I grew up with just my brother and father. Maybe it's because I was never close to someone like my mom that no one told me how important virginity is. And on january this year16. I realized how important virginity is. I realized that doesn't mean I wasn't penetrated means that I'm still a virgin. How bad what happened. And now I really regret it. For not fighting back. For letting it happen again. I hated how naive I was. Now I don't know what to do. It really hurts I already cried a lot about this when I realized how bad it was and I couldn't tell anyone about it. I even considered killing my self because I think I'm not worth it. I feel like a s***. I don't know if this is self pitying or what but it's really what I'm feeling right now. I really like reading book it's the reason why I'm going through with my life. But since I realized how bad what Happened everytime I'm reading a book I always remember what happened and ending up just crying. I don’t know wether if I should tell my mom or just forget about it. Am I still a virgin? Or am I even call myself one?I just don't know what to do. Please give me some advice...

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Health Ace
6523 posts

Hey there did his penis ever go inside you ? How much older is your cousin than you?

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You are worth it. You are still a virgin if his penis did not go inside you...

The point is your cousin took advantage of you because you are family. Unfortunately is more common than you think and it is sad and disgusting.

I highly suggest going to therapy and talking it out or telling someone close to you.

I was molested by my stepdad as a child, my mother didn't believe me the first time and second time she still continued to let him into our lives after they divorced. Its hard telling the people you think will be there for you so play that by ear. But I definitely suggest some sort of trauma therapy to help you better understand how you can mentally get better, not feel depressed and worthless.

Stay strong.

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Thank you for your kind reply!I would really want to try trauma therapy but I don’t really have the money for one. I don’t have anyone I can trust to tell something about what happened to me. I want to tell my mom but I’m scared. She might even scold about how I let it happen again...
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It didn’t enter. I think he’s 3 years older than me. The first time it happened was when I was 13 after that I was ok. I keep on thinking that I’m ok and I’m still a virgin. And then we saw each other again when I was 15. Then it happened again. Like the first time I told myself it’s ok but this year January I kinda realize the real meaning of virginity and I’m stressing myself over it. When I saw him again when I was 15 I was thinking that It’s ok. And I think that I hope he finally realizes what happened and wouldn’t do it again but it did happened again and I don’t really know how to I should react when I see him again. I wanna tell my mom what happened but I’m scared.
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Health Ace
6523 posts
So the good news is you are still a Virgin!! And it is normal for kids your age to be curious about sex and so the fact that you didn't stop him because you were curious how it felt is not necessarily a bad thing or wrong. I would however tell him no if he tries doing it again.
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