So, you want to be in a relationship, but it just doesn't seem to be happening to you? In time, you may start wondering what you're doing wrong — or even more dramatically, what's wrong with you.
While you may be single due to sheer chance, you could also have a point (throwing a pity-party won't help you any, mid you!). You could be doing something "wrong" (as in, you're not putting yourself in a situation where a relationship is likely), and there may also be some things about you that are reducing your chances.
As a single person myself (at the moment?), I can tell you exactly what's contributing to my singledom — and I will, just so you know I'm not judging you from a smug, coupled, place:
- Over the course of my everyday personal and professional life, I simply don't meet many single guys.
- I don't make any effort to get out to places where I might meet single guys.
- I'm no spring chicken, and while I know it's not true, I do sometimes get the impression that "all the good ones are already taken".
- Having been in bad relationships and relationships that ended badly in the past, I'm perhaps a tad cynical.
So, why are you still single? Let's take a very unscientific but also, I think, pretty human look at that.
You Just Haven't Bumped Into The Right Person Yet
Yeah. I don't believe in the whole "one true love" idea, and neither should you, whether you've already been in relationship or you're just starting out in the dating and relationship world. Multiple people have the potential to be highly compatible with us, and to grow into that "one true soulmate" over time. Not everyone is a good candidate, however, as a while on the dating scene will probably make abundantly clear. One of those "right people for you" is out there, in a location close to you, but you may simply not have met them yet.
You're Too Picky
So, she's smart, beautiful, caring, and shares your passion for Sid Meier's Civilization and raising ferrets, but she's Catholic and you're an atheist? He's wildly attractive, funny, gets on well with your family, and even just as crazy about organic food as you, but he's a sober alcoholic and you don't know how you feel about that? Or perhaps they're perfect in nearly every way, but you don't like that nervous thing they do with their hair? We sometimes develop whole "dealbreaker" lists that could really get in the way of being happy with someone who could actually be really compatible. Being discerning is good, but you're not perfect and your future partner won't be, either.
You Just Don't Get Out Much (Or Online Enough)
OK. Work, college, your local rugby club, and that parents' evening at your kid's school are actually all potential places to meet your other half. But if you've been at that for a while and it hasn't happened, you might need to broaden your horizons. Do something new. Start a new hobby, join a new club, try speed-dating, sign up for online dating. One thing's for sure — sitting on the couch watching TV isn't going to make meeting someone new happen for you.
Maybe It's You
This one's a bit of a downer, but that doesn't make it any less true. If you're not happy about and within yourself, everything else is likely to go more poorly as well. Whether you're just not quite sure who you are yet or you're dealing with a midlife crisis, some serious soul-searching (with or without a therapist) can lead you to more effective soulmate-searching as well.
Other things you can do wrong are:
- Being too possessive of people you date
- Being too eager to make things work too quickly
- Not wearing deodorant (OK, that one was a joke — kind of)
- Not letting people in by being an open and effective communicator
There are more, I'm sure, but we want to keep this relatively short. So in conclusion, this is not why you are still single:
- You're ugly
- You're boring
- All the good ones are already taken
- Your soulmate is halfway across the world and there's no way you'll ever actually meet them
Nope. A person you can find love with is out there, one who is just as single as you and doesn't have fatal flaws like being an ax murderer, one who finds you incredibly attractive and shares your sense of humor. Whether you take the "it'll just happen one day, if I live life to the fullest" approach or the "I'm gonna do all the dating things out there" approach, it can happen for you. In the meantime, work on being happy with yourself as well if you aren't already, and try to enjoy life.
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