I have been reading all your stories and tears are falling down my face. My Bf and I have been together a long 9 years, he has had a drinking problem for 7 of them. I am 28 and he is 41. I just finished my nursing program and am now a licensed nurse. Things were looking up...or as I thought. I have left him once for about a month and got suckered back into living with him again, he said he sobered up and was going to AA meetings. ALL A LIE TO GET ME BACK. I don't know how I have put up with his drinking, irritability, irresponsibility, and verbal abuse for so long. I cannot tell you how unattractive he is when drunk!! YUK He doesn't even make sense and cannot remember anything the next day. He quit for 2 weeks just recently and as soon as he feels better from the withdrawal symptoms he started again, I dont know how many times this has happened. He now hides his bottles of vodka around the kitchen.................thinking I don't know!! I am not stupid, I know the second he has had something to drink. We are not married nor have any children and this is something I am hoping for in the near future...but cannot see it with this man. That amount of times he has quit drinking and started again.. I am starting to loose all hope. I cry nearly every night, and dread coming home from work. He cant even hold a job down due to his drinking, but denies its from that. I know I deserve better and I have always known this... but 9 years is such a long time and I do love him SOBER.  I always think why did I have to end up with an alcoholic?! I just cannot seem to get away from it as my dad was an alcoholic my whole life! My bf is kind of reminding me of my dad yikes! Why do I have to feel embarrassed because of my bf's drinking? The recycling guys must think we have people over partying all week....But nope all those vodka bottles I mean over 10 of them a week are all from one man. I just want him to man up and be the man I need him to be! HE went to the doctor and the doctor gave him medication to help with the withdrawal symptoms but he is still drinking on them, I asked why he is still taking these pills.. he now takes them to sleep! I am a nurse this is bad! Seems like I am rambling on and on, just needed a place to vent and scream! I want to leave him so bad but cannot bring myself to do it. I am so miserable.