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Hi, I need some advise, My husband is an alcohlic, he is ten years older than me we have been married two and a half years, no children.
His drinking has got steadily worse, mood swings, hiding the bottles ( which i generally find) lying about what hes drunk etc etc the list is endless.
I have left him this thurs just gone, and have gone back to my mums with just a few of my things and the dog, everyting that has been going on has come flooding out. One minute i cant stop crying, one minute i am angry, every emotion under the sun has gone through my head the last few days.
He has told my brother-in-law that he has hit rock bottom and i am led to believe he has been soba since i left ( when i say soba im sure this doesnt include the cans of lager he drinks, i think he means he hasnt drank any spirits!)

I dont think i want to go back to him and i think this is going to be the hardest thing i ever do in my life, but all of a sudden i feel guilty for leaving him, even feel sorry for him. I dont want this to affect my decision to leave him as he will never change will he?????

And does this sound selfish..... if i dont leave him and he does sort himself out, get help, go to detox and all that and totally stops drinking, wont my life be on hold again?? as i will be giving up going out, not being able to have a glass of wine wit a meal etc etc ( i am only 28) Does that sound awful?

I am meeting him today to 'talk' but i just dont know what to do, I do love him but i have sadly realised he loves vodka more.
Any avise would be greatly appreciated.

Sas x


i cant even understand what you've been going through. I have alcoholism in my family & im not trying to say theres no hope, theres always hope. If you love him then maybe helping him is what should be done. He needs to want help, and if your feeling guilty then maybe its because you feel the need to help him through this. You are his wife, you vowed, through sickness and health, hes sick and he needs you more than ever right now. Maybe talk to him about rehab and things that can help him let him know of the serious problems that this can cause for him. And if in the end he still doesnt want your help than maybe you should give up, theres only so much we can all do for the ones we love, but we need to atleast try! I hope everything goes well and that he can recover.


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When you mention the cans of lager, he's already cheating on himself if he thinks he's getting sober.
He won't quit for you or anyone else. He has to do it for himself and it doesn't sound like he's ready yet.

Going back to him and putting up with that sounds to me like you would only be enabling him.

Don't feel guilty for leaving and don't feel you should stay so you can help him, you can't!

You said it yourself when you said he loves vodka more.

I know that hitting bottom is the favorite catch word of the anti drinking organizations but where is "bottom"? Wherever you are, there is always someone worse off or lower that you, so you have to decide for yourself what "bottom" is. Do you have any idea where bottom is for him?

I quit drinking in 1981 and my wife still worries that I might start again. I was really good at it too. I blew a .29 for the nice police man the night I saw the light (it was blue and flashing). I could have blown that every night of the week for several years before I met him. I never had another drink. I didn't go to AA or any other groups. I just decided it was time to quit. I never worry about it. I know I'm not going to start again but that doesn't help anyone else to believe me.

You are so young, do you want to be sentenced to that for your life?
Think it over carefully, before you decide.